First Dates

Anonymous

First Dates

Anonymous

Ok, so I am going out next week with someone that I have known FOREVER. I am talking 20 years. We've been co-workers, friends, drifted apart for years, become acquaintences again, business lunches, friend lunches, call for favors .. little bit of flirting ... finally, last lunch a while back, we decided at this point neither of had a significant, and why weren't we dating???  We decided it would be good to go on a date.

So, next week we are going ...

What to wear?

Where to go?

I'm nervous .... and it's a week away and I'm already wondering what to wear! 

Anonymous

Well, my rockin' chica, what to wear will depend upon where you go, right, so the first decision is the where. I always try to have input into first date decision-making because, otherwise, guys pick things like putt-putt or the movies. Putt-putt causes sweating, so that's always out for me, esp on a first date. And the movies is a completely dumb idea because you just sit there side-by-side and focus on something other than the two of you (unless you're like me and get tempted to check out the smell of him, the bod and, most important, the evidence of the package!). OK, I digress.... I suggest that you come to an agreement on some sort of eatery where you can have a conversation, but still have a distraction in front of you (the food) to chat about in case the conversations lags. Go for soft lighting, of course, for obvious reasons. Clothing...depends upon the restaurant and meal, of course, but I'd say make it not too shocking, suggestive (either way) or in any way outstanding. You want your personality to take center stage, not your choice of fashion. Little peaks of delicious things are fine, but stay away from broadcasting your hot legs or your fine ass because he might think you're suggesting FWBs right off the bat, ya know?

Most of all, girl, have an awesome time!

~Marin

Miss_Lolli

Isn't it funny how you can know someone for years and be totally comfortable conversing, but the minute it's a dating situation your nerves kick into overdrive?

I've never found a solution for this, but sometimes it helps if I kind of trick myself into thinking I'm only interested in being friends and treating the other person like that...just very easy friendly convo. If I can do that for a couple of dates I can get into more of a comfort zone by the time I'm ready to think of the guy romantically. Does that seem totally silly? I just HATE first dates.

Jaybird627

To be contrary to Marin (  ) I think miniature golf is a good idea - it's fun and relaxing AND you can see how he 'performs' under pressure! Will he 'let' you win??? Will he pout if he doesn't win???

Also, I'm a BIG fan of dinner and a movie with a new person. I like to talk during movies (okay, so shoot me!) and if he doesn't talk, too, or it it totally bugs him that I do then that's very telling. Also, you can discus the movie at dinner afterwards!

But, since you kind of know one another, perhaps a museum or a local art exhit/art fair? Or maybe a new restaurant in your area?

Have fun whatever you do!

Anonymous

Oh Jay, I'm totally fine with your "contrariness"...everyone has their preferences and I think that if they're gonna hit it off as "dates" instead of "just friends," it'll happen no matter where they go!

So, considering that the topic of this thread is "first dates," I'll tell you about the one that I just came from. If I was a more impulsive and less mature woman (), I'd say that I'm crazy about the guy and think that he might be "the one" I've been looking so industriously for. But I'm so terribly wise, as y'all know, that I'll just say I really dig the guy and would like to go out with him again. I can't really put into words what is just "different" about him and how I felt with him, but it was definitely a great feeling. We met for brunch and ended up staying several hours because there just seemed so much to talk about. Alot of his preferences, views and values resonate with me. And I felt so comfortable being with him and talking with him, yet sort of giddy and excited too. I'm hoping that he felt the same way....it certainly seemed so.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to forget him and focus on tomorrow's date with P. I had just about decided that I want to get intimate with him (P.) and see how that goes (he's absolutely hot, no doubt about it), but now I'm not so sure. That Russian chick thing is still kind of irritating me. I want a man who is wild about me and wants to be in a committed, truly intimate relationship with me. The evidence with P, so far, is that he's afraid to go that route and I'm not sure that I want to wait until he decides....ya know?

Besides, Jim (today's first date guy) makes me feel amazing....both warm & fuzzy AND hot & sexy. I like how that feels! Hmmmm..........

~Marin

Anonymous

I think pee-wee golf is out ... we are in triple digits here weather wise.  There is a place called  Pole Position ... (Marin, it's not what you're thinkin') ... it's a racecar place.  I just thought of it and now think that would be a fun thing.  You drive indoor karts ... they go up to 45mph on a track.  It's a blast. I've done it with my daughter.  I think we can do that and go out after.  Does that sound fun to anyone else??

http://www.polepositionraceway.com

Jaybird627

Rock, that really sounds like fun!!!

When I was a little girl my dad raced go-karts (waaaaaay back in the early 1960's) and if I had the opportunity to do it again I would! (he'd let me sit on in lap when he wasn't racing  )

Marin, I say GO GET HIM!!! Whichever 'him' you choose!

Make a pass at 'P' and if he doesn't take you up on your most excellent offer then have a nice evening but call or text Jim and make plans with him! Wait for no man. Like, you're not super-hot and uber-desirable???

What I say is, "next!"

Anonymous

I'm with Jaybird ... life is too short, go for both!

Anonymous

My thoughts exactly, m'girls! P. wll be over at 1pm and we're planning the day, beginning with a trip to a fun museum. I expect that we'll end up back at my place eventually and I'm gonne go for it. If he's responsive and makes me feel good, I'll stick with it; if not, then.....? I sent an email to Jim late last night and he probably won't log on until this evening. Maybe he didn't feel the connection that I did? If not, okay, because there appear to be a freakin' ton of fish ready for the catching out there. But if he did, I'm definitely pursuing it. Ahhhh.....to be continued!

~Marin

Anonymous

And Rock....I'm all about getting that Pole in Position! Ooops, that's right...race cars...okay, um....it really does sound like fun and a great way to break the ice! Go for it, girrrrl!

Now, about the outfit...tight jeans and a hot, sexy top, maybe some low espadrilles with enough strap to keep them on your feet during the car stuff. Or cargo capris with a cute T-shirt and cute sandals. Oh, the possibilites are endless.....

~Marin

Anonymous

Ok, so first date was AWESOME!!  .. I wore jeans and high heels with a real pointy black toe, sling backs.  Long camisole that stretches over the butt, with a shirt that clings just right over the whole thing but where the cami is longer than shirt ...

 We had such a great time... he kissed me several times at the restaurant .. held hands, complimented me, told me how much fun he was having .... 

And then ...... how many things were the same ..... the number 23 kept coming up.  My age when we met, our check ended in 23, several, now I can't remember, but it started at the beginning, not at the end when the check came ..weird. ...  I don't know if this wiill be next month or next year but it will be a next date ... and we had such fun!!  Especially with our history of friends and same job field. 

Anonymous

Meeting for coffee before work this morning ... 

Jaybird627

Yea Rock!!! Meeting for "coffee"????? Suuuuuuuuure!!!!

I had a date tonight. He was good-looking and seemingly normal although he did show up in shorts (?) for a 7 p.m. Saturday night dinner but I suppose there are worse transgressions, right? He kept on thanking me for meeting him (naturally!) and despite those two weird things I think I'll call him and make another 'date', next time perhaps at his house!

I also saw my young friend on Friday night but couldn't figure out "the position" so we did other things. Perhaps my legs are too short - was I supposed to be sitting upright or laying on top of him? Either way it just wasn't going to work. Maybe I need to see an illustration.

Now just waiting on Marin to check-in.....

Anonymous

Janis, really ... he stayed in a hotel down the street! I went there in the morning since they have a full service breakfast for the guests.  I was surprised that he had booked a room there and checked in before he picked me up.  He owns a local car dealer here and another about an hour away and he lives about 45 mins from my house .. so both of his dealerships have him driving. 

I was impressed by the effort and planning of the date ... especially at our age and how busy we are. Friends had asked us to join them but it would have been more near his house and he told me how he told them no ... he wanted to pick me up at my house for a real date and take me home, not have me drive myself to meet him. And then for him to check into nice restaurants instead of local places....  Again, in the over 40 crowd, I was impressed that it wasn't a "casual" date.

Anonymous

Waiting for Marin ... well, we'll have to wait til she has her morning fling, I bet!  Or wakes up from a wild date.

 I am so glad that there are other dating women around here.

I also have a single gal friend, she is 28, she came over to pick out my outfit.  Now she is going to buy me the same "cami" and shirt combos she buys for herself now that I like that look on me. I needed dating outfit help!  LOL  She had insisted I wear jeans and heels even tho I am taller than he and she was right .. and in the back of my mind I was hearing Marin: tight jeans.   

Miss_Lolli

Rock, it sounds lovely and he obviously is a classy guy who wants to impress you.

 Jaybird, laying on top (sorry from another thread), but I'll send you some sketches. LOL No one is shorter than me at 5'2'', so it's something else. We'll just blame it on the man like I always do.

Anonymous

So what happened to this thread? Rockmom....what's happening with this dude? I feel so out of it here! Guess I have been pretty pre-occupied with my own adventures , but I'd love to hear that others are out there dating too! C'mon y'all....spill!

(Rock....tight jeans of course! Wear "Mommy jeans" and you can settle down on that couch with a carton of ice cream and a copy of Good Housekeeping foreeeeeeeevvvvver!)

Anonymous

Gosh, I answered this and for some reason my response isn't here ..

I just got back from Yosemite, we chatted on the phone on the way up ... we haven't gone out again since the last scheduled date, he got a call that his ex was not flying in on time to pick up kids.

Then ..... his neighbor committed suicide and the kids are his kids best friends so, houseguests that needed compassion and the mom had no one to help her ... But he finally told her to get her life together for the kids and turn to family that he had to return to life.

So, roller coaster and hopefully we will be back on track after a bit ....  

Anonymous

OK then....we'll be eagerly waiting your next installment!

~Marin

irishdreama

Ok, so I took Jule's advice and signed up on an online dating site. But listen to this-my friend Scott is in a new band, and his website is on myspace, so he made me join , so that I could be added to his friends list or whatever. Girls, I have NEVER had so many people (girls too!!) hit on me since I signed up there. I actually had to set my profile to private due to the amount of messages I was getting from everywhere! If one of those other sites isn't doing the trick, myspace just might!!!

CherrylH

bump

Anonymous

Had a nice lunch today with a fireman!  He even paid, LOL.  He was early, I was on time.  Very nice and cute!

Hopefully we'll get together again.

Guy #1 .. he's on vacation ... 

I am loving POF ... omg, dates galore. 

Jaybird627

Rock, have fun starting fires with your fireman!!! 

Me, I'm currently (unhappily) celibate. The two guys I mentioned mentioned above are MIA so I'm moving on. Unfortunately I just don't have a free babysitter so my going out (re dating/getting laid) is curtailed due to financial constraints.Oh well. Maybe I should have flirted back with the pilot who was being extremely friendly towards my jet-lagged self in Paris Monday night??? Nahhhhhhh!!!

Anonymous

J -- it's very hard to get free babysitting ..... lunch dates are perfect!

Jaybird627

Rock, my mother is my 'free' babysitter! But since she watches my daughter while I'm flying I hate to ask her for more free babysitting, KWIM? I wish I could do lunch dates but I can't, unless the meet me at the airport. I have dated men who love seeing me in my uniform but it turns me off not on so I try to avoid that particular scenario!

acupunc

I just joined this "room" and love your posts!  I'm eager to hear updates from Rock and the rest of you.  Here are a few questions: When you first had sex with a man after your mastectomy, how did it go?  Did you wear a teddy/camisole or bear it all?  How did you feel?  How did he respond?

BTW, I've been on and off online dating sites for about 7 years.  One of my problems is that my requirements were so stringent that NO ONE lived up to them.  So I ended up going out on a lot of first dates and rejecting the men (a few rejected me, too!).  I've now found out that my other breast needs a biopsy (I had a unilateral mast and silicone reconstruction in Nov 07), and it was a second wake-up call:  hey, I'm 57!!! There are no guarantees how long my life will be.

So I decided to ditch the LT requirements and go out for fun (that includes SEX).  After about 4 first dates since my mast, I just went out with a guy who's not at all my physical type (he's built like a huge football player -- almost a linebacker!), and yet we spent 4 hours together, talking nonstop and he made me laugh like crazy.  Maybe this is progress?

 BTW, I found that what works for me is to tell the guy about my breast cancer in the e-mails; that way, if he's turned off, we can both avoid wasting time and I don't have to be anxious about when to tell him.  I guess it would be different if you met the guy offline.

Donna

Anonymous

Ok, so went on first date with a gentleman who is a chef ....... oh, he is so nice.  Not the handsome-est man on the planet but average.  Cute. Dressed right.  Good points there. Paid for lunch. Bonus points. Not afraid to put his eye cheaters on. Bonus points again.

Downers: shorter than I. Obviously weighs less than I do .....  oh I hate this Arimidex ... I am 5'10" and would say, Wonder Woman, not Charlie's Angel .....  He's not that much shorter but he's thin

I hate feeling like if the burglars came in, I'd have to fend them off .... 

Anonymous

Rockmom....Just keep envisioning yourself as Gabrielle Reece....

What could be bad about THAT??

~Marin

Traci-----TripNeg

Hey girls,

Rock, I need to repeat your first post....almost.....

Chris called me. He used to be my boss 20 years ago, that developed into a relationship however, I was too young and too scared and to be perfectly honest....he was a little......little.

So, I moved away and we went on with our lives, staying in contact every now and then. We both married and now, he just told me he's getting a divorce. (I've been divorced for ..... I can't remember how long...)

Anyway, he is coming to Dallas on a busines trip that will include a weekend. We have been talking via IM and although I have expressed my lack of self esteem due to scars and weight gain...I just know that he is going to want to be intimate.

I just can't see myself doing it y'all. I think about sex sometimes but instantly dismiss it.

I've had a bi-mast with horrible reconstruction....haven't even bothered with thinking about nips seiously cuz the foobs suck so bad.....I had a hysterectomy and although the scars from that are not bad, I am worried about my insides....and, I have gained 6 sizes in clothes! I can't even stand to look at myself naked!!!! I'm serious! And, lest we forget.....I HATE my hair. (But, am ever so thankful I have some!)

Now, he is an awesome guy. I know that he would look past my scars and all. But, I just can't. Do any of y'all feel this way?

I can't wait to see him (as a friend) but I am mortified about hurting his feelings. (I've always been like that.) And we all know how guys get when they are rejected. (It's that the word? It doesn't look right.)

And, can I just mention that "little" part again? Have any of y'all ever encountered that? A guy that was too little? If that's TMI, I apologize but this is the singles thread right????

Gawd, will I ever want to be intimate again?????

Hugs, Traci

ps I just had a thought that really anybody could read this. That would suck if he did. Or, anyone else in my life that doesn't need to know. I need to change my avatar.

Anonymous

Traci....I don't think that you should ever feel obligated to be intimate with someone when you don't feel ready, regardless of your reasons. And certainly, if Chris feels rejected, then he just doesn't understand the trauma you've had and your need for time and as much recovery as it takes. I'm sure that as time progresses and you find ways to incorporate your new body image into the rest of your self-image, you'll be more likely to desire intimacy with a caring, understanding man. But if you're not ready, you're not ready. Maybe if you discuss your feelings a little bit with him, he might surprise you and back off..? Otherwise, a simple, "I'm not ready for sex at this point" should be sufficient. If he likes you enough, he'll respect your wishes in this regard. As for the future and whether you'll ever want intimacy again, I'm betting that you sure will. It's all about time and being patient with yourself.

And regarding size, maybe his being smaller would be better for your first time out after treatment anyway. Otherwise, I'd say enjoying other acts than just "the deed" might be more satisfying.....or, there are always the "extenders" that you can buy in sex shops or online. The trick with that, though, is that the guy needs to admit to being too small and we all know how that would go over  !

~Marin