Mom diagnosed few days ago

FranPea

Mom diagnosed few days ago

FranPea

Hello wonderful people ~

After years of reading discussion boards & feeling too timid to post, my mom's diagnosis she received last week has finally prompted me to get past all that & reach out for support.  I'm 35 & my mom of 61 years was diagnosed last week - she is scheduled to have her mastectomy this Tuesday morning - as I read through your comments it's so helpful to know there's others out there dealing with this same "newness" phase - 

My friends through the years have had other friends, relatives who have been diagnosed with different forms of breast cancer - it's been all around me for years - and I've always been so scared of even learning about it - now because I want to support her I feel it's the world I'm living in right now -

We are pretty close - so that's good - but I also feel as other posters have shared that I don't want to "dump" my emotions & feelings on her - she's going through enough.  So I immerse myself in the practical - getting her house ready for post-surgery & recovery, running errands for her, all the things I can control to make her life somewhat easier right now.

It's at night when the stimulus stops & I head to sleep that the fear & emotions creep in - during the day I'm focused on all the logistical stuff. 

I'm also preparing myself to really help advocate for her while she's in the hospital...asking for copies of test results, etc.  My friend told me to take an active role in that sense.  I'll look at other threads for advice on this - but if anyone has any personal experiences, or just any info. on this to help empower me that would be so great ~

Thanks for your time ~

FranPea

May54

Dear FranPea,

                    I am so glad that you decided to post.  We can all help each other through this by sharing our own fears and feelings.  It sounds like you are doing the right things by focusing on what you can do something about instead of constantly focusing on all the what if's and unknowns (like I did for the past 3 years)

                     Like you, my worries and fears all came loud and clear at night just as I was about to go to sleep.  Then I would wake up hurting from tensing up and clenching my jaw while I was sleeping.

                      Some of the things that have helped me over the past 3 years have been to cut down on watching nightly news before bed which would further stress me out.  Putting on a tape of gentle music  as I went to sleep (this worked really well).  I limited talking to friends who would tell me every person they knew that had cancer or just died from cancer to add to my worry list.

                       It takes some emotional and physical energy to deal with a loved one's illness and I found I needed to cut down on unnecessary stresses (and People) in life.   

    

                        Keep a journal of the things and people that help you feel refreshed and renewed and cut out the activities and people who don't, as much as you can. You are saving your energy for your loved one.

                          Emotions can cause us to feel physically exhausted without having done anything but worry.   I'm the biggest worrier and thinking ahead and trying to plan ahead. And the truth is all we can do is live in the present and carry on each day.  I think that's why "The Lord's Prayer" says "Give us this day, our daily bread" because that is how we can live the best, staying in the present and doing the best we can each day.      

beastybabe

Dear Franpea

I too am only relatively new on my journey with this pain in the arse disease.  But one thing that I have found that has helped me is this site and the women on it.

Also, something else I did was that I kept an exercise book and whenever I was told something or read about something and had questions I would write it down.  My oncologist is going to know what hit him when I see him next....

Your questions can be on anything.  I find that I don't remember to ask at the time and think of the questions later...this has helped.

I know that you are being this amazing support person for your mum but make sure that you look after yourself as well.  Stress is not good for either of you...

Annalisa

DEY67976

My mom was just diagnosed.  At first I was upset but I was in shock and didn't quite grasp the gravity of the situation.  She is such a strong woman, but she looked so frightened and frail after surgery.  That was when it hit me, how hard the next year is going to be for her.  

I live 2 states away and had to come home to get back to work today.  It has never been so hard to leave my Mom's house.  I hate that I can't be there physically,  I can call all day long but that won't help cook dinner, clean, buy groceries.  The stuff that needs to get done when she is weak from chemo.  I feel so useless

I really don't know how to deal with this.  

Bronx81

My mom was diagnosed in 2005, she did the surgery, chemo and radiation and then last August two years later, she had a recurrence with mets to the lung.  It is definitely not easy, she is going through daily chemo now for the past nine months.  There are good days and bad days, but hang in there, I'm an only child and sometimes my mom has mood swings, maybe yours does to, but they are scared and frustrated and usually parents are our sources of stability and support and now the roles are reversed so they need our love and support and no matter what, show them that things can still be normal, its hard, but the one thing I learned from all this is cherish every moment, every laugh, every tear.  If anyone needs to talk or just someone to vent to, please let me know, I'm here....I"m 27 and in NYC....

Take care and don't give up the spirit and the fight, together we can fight this horrible disease,

Aabir 

FranPea

Hi all ~

Whew!  I have barely had time to keep up with my email - but just wanted to say thanks to all...your words have helped tremendously.  My mom had her mastectomy Tuesday, & came home Wed. - since then it's been busy - to say the least...making sure she's comfortable (I use that term loosely given the situation), planning & doing meals, phone calls, errands, etc. 

Did get some good news Friday - we were told the reports from the surgery indicate there is no cancer in the lymph nodes - which is good, but the MD indicated they still may want to do chemo/radiation...I'm assuming this is to ensure all the cancer is gone?  I need to read up on this.

May 54 ~  I agree about keeping ourselves well.  I love the idea of a CD before bed...I have one & will use it

Annalisa ~  I too keep a planner/book with all my notes, questions, even my mom's MD, pharmacy info, & relatives #'s...in times like these I feel petrified if I'm not organized, so having that book is something I can control. 

DEY ~  How are you doing since being back home?  I can't imagine how hard that was to leave.  My brother left to go to Wisconsin right before the surgery (wife's family stuff - already planned - my mom felt like she would be holding him back so she told him it would make her feel better if he went)...I know it was hard for him to leave.  Even tho' I have been staying at my mom's 'round the clock, I am fortunate enough to live close by.  And I'll be heading back to work tomorrow.  But when I leave, whether an errand, go home for a bit, or last Friday at work for a few hours, I can't stand the thought of her being there alone.  It's so hard, so I can totally respect where you are coming from. 

Aabir ~  How is your mom doing now?  I'm worried about the chemo.  I don't know enough about it but the doc sounded like it was several times per week.  I know this will be tough on her. 

So glad to have met you all through this board...let's keep each other updated...I know it will help me. 

May54

Dear FranPea,

                      Glad to hear that your Mom is home from surgery and the good news of no cancer found in her lymph nodes.  I hope you both continue to do well.

                                Sincerely,

                                May54