Job Description for Cats..HAHAHA

Anonymous

Job Description for Cats..HAHAHA

Anonymous

I had to laugh when I read this.  My cats do this.  One especially loves to drive me nuts when I'm on the puter.  It's like she's say, OKAY, MOM, GET OFF! 

JOB DESCRIPTION FOR CATS

BATHROOMS - Always accompany guests to the bath room.  It is not necessary to do anything.  Just sit & stare.

DOORS - Do not allow any closed doors... in any room.  To get the door opened, stand on hind legs & hammer with forepaws.  Once door is opened, it's not necessary to use it.  After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half-way in & out & think about several things.  This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS -  If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.  If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.  If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.  When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it's as long as a human's bare foot.

HAMPERING - If one of your humans is engaged in any activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one.  This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering.  Following are the rules for hampering:
      When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
      For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book --unless you can lie across the book itself.
      When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.
 
WALKING - As often as possible, dart quickly & as close as possible in front of the human... especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark & when they first get up in the morning.  This will help their co-ordination skills.

BEDTIME - Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX - When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible.  Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING -  Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you and ... do NOT come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.  This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost.  Once you do come out... the humans will cover you with love & kisses, and you probably will get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT -  Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, then turn around and present your butt to them.  Humans love this, so do it often..... And don't forget the guests!

Anonymous

Oh Shirley, I so needed a laugh and that was purrrfect! I think that every cat I've ever had the privilege to be owned by has done each & every one of these! I'm copying it to forward to my sisters and friends. Thanks!

~Marin

Harley44

Shirley,

That is TOO FUNNY!!  Thanks!  I really needed it!  I am feeling kind of depressed lately, and I don't know why.  Maybe it's the surgery I am having on Thursday, maybe it's my sucky new job, and maybe it's the Tamoxifen... I don't know...

Enjoy your visit with your dd, the gypsy.

Harley

iodine

Oh, that was good and so very true!   Sent it to all my catloving friends.

Anonymous

Harley, hope you feel undepressed soon.  I think it's the nipple surgery...not the sucky job.

My dd sent this to me.  She has two cats.  I have four.  When I read this I had a belly laugh cuz it's so true.

Shirley

ADK

It is so true!!!  I have three and each one of them follows this job description purrrfectly!!!!

flash

fabulous.

Alieire

and from the ASPCA's nine feline-alities:

Private Investigator

I'm working undercover to keep an eye on you and your household. You may not even know you're under surveillance. I can vanish into thin air if anyone or anything interferes with my investigation. If you need a cat who knows how to stay out of trouble and will always keep your secrets, I just might take your case.


Secret Admirer

When it comes to relationships, I'm very level-headed. I don't leap in paws first, if you know what I mean. But give me a little time, and then I'll shower you with purrs, head-butts, and plenty of lap time. In the meantime, you may not see a lot of me, but I'll be thinking a lot of you!


Love Bug

Do you seek affection? I do! If you also like petting, purrs, and paws kneading your lap, I think we might have a LOT in common. I'm looking for "someone who enjoys quiet times and togetherness." Could that someone be you?


The Executive

I have to say, I'm a busy cat. First, I've got to check out what's happening out the window. Next, I'll see if any closets or cupboards need looking into. And then there are my naps--can't be late for those. I can fit a little socializing into my schedule. Shall we plan on breakfast and dinner? I hope you like kibbles.


Sidekick

Like all sidekicks, I'm just plain good company. I like attention, and I also like my solitude. I don't go looking for trouble, but I'm no scaredy-cat, either. If you are looking for a steady companion to travel with you on the road of life, look no further.


Personal Assistant

You're working on the computer? Let me press the keys. Reading the paper? I'll hold the pages down for you. Watching TV? I'll just plop in your lap so you can pet me. I love an orderly household, don't you? I'll help you with all your chores, and I'll help you relax when we're done. You'll wonder how you ever managed without me.


MVP

I'm a savvy cat who knows the score. I'm pretty unflappable, too. I don't mind entertaining myself, but a human companion at the other end of the couch and a nice scratch behind the ears always make my day. If you're looking for a resourceful addition to your team, think about signing this Most Valuable Pussycat.


Party Animal

I'm a cat on a mission: PARTY! I love to play and explore and test my limits. I'd love to play with you, but I can make a toy out of anything: pencils, post-it notes, potatoes. If you're looking for some laughs and someone to liven up the party, think about inviting me.


Leader of the Band

I'm a cat who does everything in a big way. I not only like to be in the middle of things--I like to lead the parade. I'm an adventurous cat, but I'll still make plenty of time to show you my affectionate side. I'm the demonstrative type, you might say. Want a cat who's brimming with confidence? That's me.