Mom just diagnosed and feel lost

stepeliza

Mom just diagnosed and feel lost

stepeliza

Hi out there,



I just logged onto this awesome website and realized how many people are out there for support. My mom was diagnosed last week and I have gone from shock to devastation to fury to giddy to finally now stronger. Putting on a happy face for Mama but I am so scared for her. She is my best friend. Just wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom or advice. It looks like she will have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy, chemo and radiation. Still waiting on MRI results. This is all new and terrifying, but trying to stay positive! Harder than it sounds, huh. THANKS TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS. xoxo

Shirlann

Hi, I think we already talked.  But just remember, she will be fine, the cure rate for 5 years is 89% according to the new AARP Magazine.  I think it is even better.

Just get a lot of hugs, good talks, look at pix, remember Christmas' past, just say everything you feel in your heart.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

LoveAlways

I know how you feel my mother just had her first chemo treatment today and I am so scared I don't know how to act around my mother and more. We use to talk about everything but now I just try to avoid her thinking that I might say the wrong thing. My mother is a very emotional person, so that doesn't help the situation either. I just feel that if I avoid her then I won't have to deal with it. I worried that something might go wrong or something might happen to her I just don't know. Oh yeah I have a 12 year old sister who is having a hard time dealing with this too.

stepeliza

Hi LoveAlways,



I know what you mean- I feel like sometimes I might say the wrong thing and discourage her or something...it's a lot of pressure to stay positive when you are having so many unsure thoughts yourself. I think I am a little opposite, though, as I tend to be the emotional one. I don't show her, but cry by myself, you know? I also went through the avoidance thing, too..but you know what? As soon as the avoidance is over, it's still there. I guess we just have to "buck up" and somehow find a way to be strong for our moms, right? All of this is so confusing...I'm so glad you wrote...

How did the chemo treatment go? THAT is what I am so freaked out about. We go to the oncologist tomorrow and find out what the treatment plan will be and when she will start her chemo. She is most scared about this, too. Any advice? I can't imagine your little sister...must be hard for her, too. Gosh. I don't know. Maybe we can help eachother through this...? I'm here if you want to chat.



ALL THE BEST wishes in the world,

Steph

LoveAlways

Hey Steph. My mother's treatments went fine. She hasn't had any of the side effects, though she has been tired. She is doing well. She will have to have 8-12 months of chemo treatment and 6 months of radiation. I think that as long as we stay by their sides everything will be good.

AnnNYC

Stepeliza and LoveAlways,

There are lots of great threads on this board about getting through chemo.  These could be very helpful to both of you and your moms.

http://community.breastcancer.org/topic/69/conversation/478386?page=1#comment_509215

Also, there are threads for women going through chemo at the same time, like this one for May 2008:

http://community.breastcancer.org/topic/69/conversation/704215?page=1

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dx 3/9/2007, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

stepeliza

Thanks so much, guys...Glad to hear your mom was ok with the chemo, LoveAlways.



My mom's has changed a little bit. She now has to have a mastectomy so the chemo will start later.



AnnNYC, thank you so much for the links- you are awesome!



xoxo

LoveAlways

That is good to hear. My mom is doing ok I guess just alot of mood swings.

Emma10

Stepelize your first post made me cry! Not in a bad way though.I remember feeling and going though those same feelings. And then I continued reading down the page to where lovealways mentioned she wanted to move away from her mother so she didnt have to deal with it. Before reading this site I thought it was only me who went though these emotions and feelings but reading your posts has made me feel "normal" once again.

I tend to be the one in my family who hides there emotions and wants to work it out in my own head. Were as my mother and sister are forever crying about the situation.I feel frustrated seeing it but on the other hand jealous as they seem to be dealing with my mothers illness better then I am as they are forever facing it emotionally together.

My mother is my best friend also! We too talk about everything tho I find these days I listen to her talk about her worries about her cancer and not speak myself. Whilst I dont speak to her  about it I do listen and I show I cafre in other ways eg bathing her, cleaning the house and doing the shopping.

Have you foound away to speak to her once again?  

LoveAlways

Thanks Emma10. That is so nice. I feel lost all of the time and lately it feels as though everyone is just getting on my nerves, such as family and friends. I know that they say that this is a time to come together but it is getting aggravated and I just don't know how to deal with it. I mean it has gotten to the point as to where I argue with my grandmother all of the time. I feel bad about it but I mean I don't know what else to do.

va20

Hello All,

First off, I'm so glad to see that there are people out there supporting the families that going through a loved one's treatment.

I just found out on Friday that my mom (50) has breast cancer. Immediatly I cried, and  over the last few days I seem to just be in a haze. I remember she and my dad talking about the specifics, but I just can't seem to get over the initial shock of  it all.

I feel guilty when I think about something else, or find myself laughing at someone elses joke. And I feel guilty that I am not with her right now, even though we can only wait. I have comfort that she has my dad (married now 26 years!!!!) and they are clearly supporting eachother. But what is my role? She has done SO much for me over the years, and I have no clue what to do for her. And then I feel like I should have always been doing things for her, breast cancer or not.   

I'm angry. I'm not quite sure at whom or what. I want to blame God, he seems to be the easiest, but at this point in my life I dont know how I feel about religion. When she broke the news she talked about how God had blessed her so much and this was just a challenge. I know it's helping her to lean on Prayer and the Church, but I just don't know how.

My mother has always been somewhat of an introvert (as am I) so it's hard to see  her hurting. She too seems to be going though a whole range of emotions. She jokes (Like, I'm getting "D's" out of all of this)  but she is also angry.

I just want to show her how much I care. And I want to be strong for her. 

wishiwere

va20.  Jokes too can be a part of this.  Being there for your mom can include just calling if you are a distant daily, or stopping by if you are close more often than normal.  She may need help with cleaning and cooking, running errands.  Things that normally she would do will become more difficult as the treatments go on (if it's chemo or rads).  After a surgery, she may need with drains and/or showering or even doing her hair if she hasn't done chemo.  Little things like vaccuming can become difficult after this type of surgery for weeks. Laundry carrying can be another. Doing things are easy and it's not something you would have to ASK her if she needed help with, b/c they just NEED to be done.  Most women won't ask for help, but will gladly allow someone to if they just did and didn't ask.  So there are many things you can do.

Laughter is good.  A good funny story of something that happened with you will be joy to her in knowing that you are enjoying YOUR life.  She won't feel poorly b/c you are enjoying your life, any mother would be happy to know that her dd was going on with life during this 'hump' in the road. 

If you can do things with her you used to, like rent a movie to share together over sundaes or popcorn or something to get your minds off this stuff, all the better!  If she's doing chemo, makes sure she has a variety of nutritional things on hand to eat easily without much energy put into them.  Ask if there's anything she needs from the store before you come over so you can pick them up on the way.  That sort of thing helped me out immensely when I went through treatment, b/c dd was there for us.  Dh was working on the road most often and she would get things that weren't planned for, whether food, meds and others. 

Mostly....be there, to laugh with, cry with, question with and mostly....just to listen to her.  She may want to talk about the process or may not and choose to talk about other stuff.  Follow her lead and let her know you are intersted and care.  The rest will come naturally.

Whew....this was long...sorry all!

taila

Hi everyone,

I found out my mum had breast cancer about two months ago now. When we first found out I felt like someone was holding me and I could not get my breath. My mum is 52 and went for a routine mamagram. Since then she has been in hospital and had a lumpectomy, she aslo had her lymp glands removed. She started radio therapy two weeks ago and has to have 25 sessions. Today is session number13. After she finishs this its chemo and then herceptin.

When people ask me how she is I feel like I am listening to someone else talk but it me who is saying the words. Me and my mum have a great relationship, I live with her and my two little girls.

I never thought it would happen to my mum, I don't think anyone does, but I have found that keeping positive and carrying on as normal as much as you can has helped me so much.

I ran the race for life on sunday with my eldest daughter who is only 7, and was amazed to see how many people are actually affected by this.  It was so emotional knowing that nearlly everyone you talk to knows someone who has ben through this.

I just want to say that day by day it will get easier, and stay strongxxxxxx

Also have a glass of wine or two together!!!!!!!!!

Lixxxx

MarysDaughter9101

Stay positive!  Laugh a lot, and go out together.  Just try and be happy, live each day to the fullest.

Kayla

taila

Hi Kayla,

It was so moving to read your story, It must have been so difficult for you and your sister at such a young age.....

I am 27 and still it hit me hard. My mum has her last radio therapy session on monday, and then the chemo but we are really staying positive!!!!

I even took my eldest daughter to show her where her nanny goes for treatment which I hoped has helped her a little!!!!!

You take care,

Lisaxxxx