Help Me Know What to Say

LindaLou53

Help Me Know What to Say

LindaLou53

Ladies, I need input from a young woman's viewpoint. I just attended our local We Can Row program last night which is a beginners rowing program for breast cancer survivors. It is intended to not only be a way to regain physical strength after BC treatments but also a way to socialize and support other survivors. I attended with 20 other ladies, most of them like myself in the 40-60 year old age range. I noticed a young, cherub-faced beautiful girl there who I assumed was one of the instructor volunteers. Turns out she has joined the group as a survivor. She is currently 25 years old and is an 8 year survivor!! She was diagnosed while still in high school at the age of 17!



My heart breaks... I just cannot fathom how it is possible that our very young women are having to deal with this now. I want to know what to say to her, how to encourage, how to help.... I just don't know what I can do that will be relevant to her world. This is her first outreach to any type of support group since her diagnosis 8 years ago. Please help me to understand what I can do if anything, to make a difference for her.



Thank you for any insight you can provide.

shiny

Lindalou, hiya,

Am 40, I think if you befriend her, and say quite openely how you admire the strengh it must have taken her to deal with bc at such a young age,

 how you are please that she has joined the group and that you have met her, that will be a good start.

You can also share with her what your reasons are for joining the club and ask her for hers. 

No doubt her answer to your question will guide you.

You may well find that after all these years, it may be purely that she has joined to meet a new group of people to socialise with and that actualy she is  serene with her bc stats yet; likes the idea of sharing time with people that know what she's been through.

enjoy the group, sounds like a good idea! 

snowyday

LindaLou you are so kind your story made me feel good.  I just got off of the phone with Community Care Access Care and we were discussing young women with cancer.  I feel that alot of Drs. don't diagnose women young and it upsets me.  It's so nice that you want to befriend her, and the group sounds wonderful.  I can't wait to hear more about it.  Happy rowing and growing friendships.

LindaLou53

Thank you ladies for the suggestions. I have a feeling that over the next 10 weeks this group meets, we will all grow closer and find both support and encouragement. Hopefully, the difference in our ages will not be a major factor when it comes to sharing our BC experience.

joykeeperorg

I hope im not to late but the biggest thing being dx at 23 is that I hate it when people talk about how YOUNG i am its just nice to be with people who know what im going through no matter what the age. I just want somone to talk to me an not make me feel like im in a whole different bracket for having bc. So my advice is just to talk to her like anyone else! Thanks for sharing take care!

LindaLou53

Thank you for that advice Joy... you make a good point that I am sure I would not have thought of.  I guess it would be very frustrating to always have the age issue brought up in conversation.  You are right that it is the journey through BC that we all share in common, regardless of our ages.  That was a very helpful comment. 

BethNY

I agree with joy 110%!!!!!  When I was dx at age 26 I was so sick of the added pity I got at every doctors appt, at every event I attended.

If I were to meet this girl, I wouldn't look at her age at dx, but I'd see what I can learn from someone who's an 8 yr survivor, where I am only about to approach year 4.

Cancer does not discriminate. 

Who has the harder cross to bare? The 17 yr old who's dx so young, the 43 year old that is a mom of a few young children, or the 68 grandmother fighting mets?

While age definitely presents different issues during cancer, and treatment, we're all still in the same fight-with the same goal.  To live a long cancer free life.

I think she will open up to you naturally over the next few weeks.

I think it's fine to ask honest questions about the challenges she faced at her dx, etc. 

lhughes69

I was diagnosed during my second pregnancy.  It's been difficult, since we were infertility patients before the first pregancy that went to term.  I would say that the possibility of never having children again is worse than the cancer itself.  The cancer wasn't so bad to deal with, but I still don't know what remains to come... I was stage IIIA (with 1 node, ER+, HER-)... we had to have my tubes tied after my second child because of the Tamoxifen.

That to me has been the biggest challenge.  It was hard enough wondering what was going on to even have babies, but then to have to purposefully stop having any future babies is still an issue, with me, at least.

Age isn't the issue, it's life unfullfilled that becomes the problem.