Glad there is a site like this around.. HELP

IL3

Glad there is a site like this around.. HELP

IL3

Hello to all in the forum,



First let me say I am glad there is a site like this around to get informed of breast cancer and its treatments etc. I hope this isn't strange but I am a african american male who is about to pour his heart out. My mother by the blessing of god, strength and great doctors when i was small (age 2) was diagnosed with thyroid cancer which two years later due to poor treatment at that time (the 70s era) progressed to bone cancer. Luckily enough she was placed in the hands of some great doctors (RIP they have passed on) they saved my mothers life and 34 years later she is still here with me. So I do understand the miracles of medicine, cause now thinking back on what my life could or may have been and turned out like without her I am glad God spared her for me if for no one or nothing else. I believe because of her rare case at the time she made it into the medical books for the prognosis and treatment of that cancer. Well, life has brought adversity to our door once again. After some years of misdiagnosis by some doctors she saw when the symptoms of her current cancer started, and a lack of insurance due to a stupid choice made by my father to remove her off of his insurance to gain more money out of his pension I finally got my mother insurance and she has been going to the doctors now. She has been diagnosed with Paget's disease of the nipple and they have found a lump in the breast which has been diagnosed as cancerous. Stage 4 to be exact. They are saying it has spread with spots showing in the liver, and there hasn't been a ruling out of the lymph nodes yet. They are planning to start chemotherapy and possible radiation to follow after or before surgery (mastectomy). I am sooooo worried because unlike when i was little she was young and stronger to put up the good fight, I worry about what her chances are and just how long she will have if the treatment is successful to kill the cancer within. I am reading information here and also have a concern about some of the medicines she may have to take that could conflict with her heart and thyroid medications. She is all i have and I'm not giving up but I just can't lose her. I haven't given her a grandchild or had the opportunity to share the things in life I figured i had more than enough time to do. The reality is too harsh, crying as I write this now. Please I know you all in the forum can't create a miracle but in prayer it can make that miracle that much stronger and real. I'm so mad at my father for not keeping her medical security in place because if it was there when it was earlier on in the symptoms maybe it could have been cured and not at the stage it is in now. Help, advise, support from anyone here just might help me to see this situation with a positive outlook that i can then extend to my mother.

leaf

Oh my, IL. I am so sorry you and your mom are going through this. Of course you are scared-anyone would be scared in your shoes, especially with what you have gone through.





I don't know hardly anything about Paget's disease, so I don't know about prognosis. I do know that many doctors are wrong about predicting how much time a person has left. I do know that many women with stage IV breast cancer can live many productive years.





I am trying to help a friend who has a cancer with a very grim prognosis (Its not breast cancer or ovarian cancer.) Less than 5% of patients live 1 year after diagnosis. There was one website that I think was helpful in dealing with my friend. http://cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html

She knows it will take a miracle for her to survive. She doesn't want to talk about her emotions, but I am hoping eventually to get her to the place where she feels safe enough to accept my care and concern about her.





When she was first diagnosed I was going to make her tell me how 'angry, or afraid, or whatever' she was feeling. I didn't know it was OK for people to be in denial.





I think most people want people to listen to them. For me, I think its been helpful for my friend to let her know that her treatment decisions are HER choice, because it is HER life. Even if I disagree with the course she is taking - because I am not in her shoes. If she asks for information or help, I try to give her that.





There are forums below for metastatic disease, for African Americans with breast cancer, and another for caregivers, below. You may be interested in checking them out.





I'm sure others with more experience, support, and information than I will be along shortly. You and your mother are in my thoughts.

Traci-----TripNeg

Hi IL3, 

What a wonderful son you are.

Breast cancer a horrible, heartless disease. However, the medicine and skills of the doctors have only gotten better.

I am so sorry for your mom's diagnosis.

There are a lot of women on here that are doing just fine with Stage 4 cancer. Keep reading. Stay away from statistics though o.k.? We are not numbers here and neither is your mom.

((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Traci

smithlme

IL3,

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. You and your mom are so lucky to have each other. I can only offer you my prayers and healing thoughts, as my situation is as different as every woman in this forum. My sister is an 18 year BC survivor and treatment has changed so much since then. Your mom's doctor will tailor her treatment to her specific diagnosis and health issues. As a child you were probably unaware of all she had gone through. Now that you're older and know so much more, the reality is scary.

Anger is a wasted emotion, at this time. You need to focus all of your energy on your mom and yourself. Being a caregiver can be exhausting and emotional. Plan to go to your mom's doctor appointments with her, if possible. Getting the information first hand and helping her to understand it will help her deal with what's to come.

We're all here to help in any way we can...

Linda

Binney4

Hello, IL,

I'm so sorry about your mom's new diagnosis, and so glad you're there for her. This is a difficult and scary time, but a special time too. This time you're able to really share the cancer battle with her, and you may find some of your roles reversed. My kids were so precious and helpful to me throughout my treatments, caring for me actively in ways I'd always cared for them. It's a privilege, I think, and I hope you'll find the fierce joy in it as the two of you stand together in new ways.

The point you're at now is one of the hardest. Before long your mom will start treatment, which at least helps you know that you're doing something about it. In the meantime, please just forgive your dad and put him aside. Anger drains all the creative energy you need to draw close to your mom and tune into her needs. And it can't change the present realities in the least (except to make them even more unbearable for you). Direct that anger instead toward the real enemy: breast cancer. Put all the passion you can muster into your prayers for strength and healing.

As to the complications of age and other medications and conditions, I suspect that most of us are in that same category -- cancer in young women is considered to be the exception. With caring doctors we manage to do well. You both will too.

I'll be praying for you both, with joy. Take your faith firmly in hand, IL, and go for it!

Be well!

Binney 

IL3

Thank you to all of you beautiful, strong & courageous women that have replied so far & those who chose to later on. It gives me a sense of peace knowing that I have a community to share my thoughts fears & feelings with. It really means a lot. I won't as I have in the past not direct any anger towards my father out of respect that he is my father, but I must say I am grateful & proud my mother modeled me into the man i am today and not him. I could never have made such a decision being in his shoes in regards to my spouse considering her long term condition. i know he may have his reasons, but to me it just isn't valid enough to stand on its own. But that is not the problem that faces us now, just the past that helped create it. So, I will be there for her the whole way and see us through this in every way I can. It's funny because when i went to the doctor as always with her today, and the nurse was changing her bandage I was trying to assist her since i do it at home for her and the nurse was telling me to stop trying to take her job and was asking me if i approved of her work LOL. God Bless all of you brave and courageous women who have went through and are going through their own battles with this nasty disease. I pray not only for you and myself but with you. I pray that one day Cancer in all of it's forms and the causes that bring it into existence internally will be conquered. Thank you again.... IL