Single Again

kenzie57

Single Again

kenzie57

Hi All:

I am so happy to find this thread.  I met a guy almost 5 yrs ago that I have been dating.  The first year, I thought this was the one and would have married him...  Thank goodness I didn't.  I was dx with stage IV almost 2 yrs ago and me and my friends starting noticing that my dx was all about him not me.  Anyways, in the last year, his true colors started coming out.  Before he met me he had just got divorced and moved back in with his mom.  Yes, I know, that should have been a clue.... This past year, he was always hanging out at my house.  He doesn't work as he is on disability, but he could work.  Yes, I know, another clue.  I work full time and he was really getting on my nerves being at my house all the time, so I started cutting that down to he only came over when invited.  Well, his mom calls me a couple of days ago... This would be really funny if it hadn't happened to me.  Oh, its still funny.  The police showed up in her driveway saying that Best Western Hotel filed a report on my BF about missing items being stolen from the hotel, i.e., lamp, coffee maker, blanket, etc.  He hadn't come home the night before.  Then his mom put it together... My scumbag BF must have left before the girl he took there woke up.  Then when she woke up, she cleaned out the rm and took off.  OMG!  Of course, he denies this.  He says he used his credit card for a friend of his because his friend was too drunk to get a room.

Anyways, I know this is for the best, because his loser was really coming out in him and this gets me out of the relationship.  But, I do feel really hurt. 

I will be 51 this year and think maybe I should just give up on men.

Thanks for listening gals.

Jaybird627

Once bitten, twice shy eh? Well, I must be an optimist as I just keep on 'looking' for a guy who I'm compatible with.   Good luck with dating, or not dating!

Anonymous

Damn, I hear ya, girl! But, really, don't give up entirely, just for a little R&R. After every break-up (except this past one because, somehow, I didn't feel much of anything once it came time to leave), I give myself a few days/ weeks/ months/ whatever to re-group and find my emotional energy again. I'm absolutely convinced that there are some awesome men out there and, once we women find & honor our own inner goddesses, those "gods" will find us. Yes, m'am, my "picker" has been broken and distrorted, but as I grow in clarity and self-confidence, it appears to be straightening out.

So I say take a break, lick your wounds, enjoy your girlfriends, cultivate your interests and passions and, when you feel the urge again, jump back in! It's too bad, but men do have that key to my roller skate (to paraphrase an old singer, Melanie ) and I just adore "skating" !

~Marin

kenzie57

Thanks for the words of support fit...

I'm not giving up.... I just need the support.  I just cant believe that I was soooo stupid to let a guy like that into my life.

Thanks again

Anonymous

Oh, for me, it's just so easy to do- let jerks into my life - I always imagine myself so wildly attractive and powerful that the guy will be persuaded to change in order to rate my affection. And each time I'm dead wrong. Yet I remain naively hopeful. There's nothing wrong with hope, of course, as long as its realistic and NOT magical thinking. I hope I'll learn the difference on my next go-around! I'm sure that you will too, kenzie57!

~Marin

kenzie57

Hey, fit chick,

I really like you.  Your comments are great.  You have such a great outlook on life!!  I look forward to chatting with you more.

Oh, and good luck with your relationship.  He will be lucky to have you.

Thanks again

Jaybird627

"Naively hopefull" Marin??? I guess that I am too then.....

I just pick myself off and dust myself off and soldier on. BC has taught me to live for today, enjoy what I have, to not settle for jerks (well, still working on that one!) and to realize that I am important and worthy and that's all that matters even if some man I'm with doesn't deem me as worthy as I think he should.

Sorry, I'm rambling as it's been a hectic 3 days at work but I have decided that I will not settle, ever again!

kenzie57

I feel like I have always settled.   Good men are so hard to find, or Hard men are so good to find.... Mae West

Anonymous

Oh kenzie, you know that hard men are way easy to find! In fact, that is yet another problem of mine....I never look past the hard and, before I know it, I'm wrapped up in someone who is not so good !

Well, Jaybird, I'm absolutely on board with never settling again and knowing that you're an awesome woman in spite of the jerk's take on the issue. BUT it sure does get cloudy for me once I'm "in." Like it's pretty easy to spot the obvious a$$holes and "next" them right away....it's those sneaky bastards that get me! You know, the ones who claim to want honesty and openness, but really just want a woman who won't talk too much, instantly knows and responds to his every need and desire and who's horny 24/7. That seems to be all they want or need and if you dare to have a personality or any needs of your own, things can get ugly. In my case, that's when I try to re-examine my "demands" and try, once again, to "be understanding." And what is that response, really? Settling. And self-blaming. And taking sole responsibility for the relationship.

Damn, this is sounding depressing! Maybe I'll just get me a blow-up doll....made to order   

~Marin

Jaybird627

I hear you sista girl! The last guy who just up and disappeared totally shocked me when he did because he said to me that he believed that telling someone you're NOT interested in them is just as important as telling someone you ARE interested in them. Grrrrr.

Whatever. It's his loss. Damn him though, the sex was SO good!

But it's my time and it's on my terms and if they don't like it then they can move on (or I will!). There are plenty 'o men out there just waiting to meet us so don't waste your time if you're not happy.