asking for advice

iodine

asking for advice

iodine

Ran into an aquaintance yesterday who, since I last saw her, has had blat mast, chemo,rads, etc.

She and her husband have their own business and no medical ins., unfortunately.  They are very independent and lovely people.

Not that SHE asked, but i'd like to know, and possibly share with her any info you may have about $ assistance for either recon (if she wanted it) or prothesis.

She is not wearing prothesis, by choice or $ choice, and like many of us, has a prominent tummy.  I noted that her shoulders are rounding and changing her posture and that she continually stands with her arms crossed.

She apparently has a good prognosis and is on Arimidex with some hand, feet, and joint side effects, that she manages well.

If you know of any assistance I could direct her to, I would be grateful and gently share it with her (we spoke for a while about bc and f/u. She is reluctant to return here because she still gets very upset just reading about celebrity diagnosis and wants to be away from bc, I guess, tho I did invite her to return here for uplifting discussion in the moving beyond and on this no recon board)

Since she didn't ask for info, your suggestions on how to share any info with her would also be appreciated.

If you think I should just forgo any further discussion, I'll go with your recommendations.

Thanks so much in advance!

dotti

Hannahbanana

What a dear friend you are.  I don't have any words of wisdom other than to be there for support and try and let her know that the information you share comes from the heart and need not be talked about if she is not comfortable

Erica3681

Iodine,

There's no reason for her shoulders to be rounding, other than perhaps because she's holding herself in the protective, self-conscious posture you describe. I'm standing up straighter than I did before, because I became more aware of my posture and more determined not to slump.

It would be great if she could make a choice about what she wants, whether recon or no recon, breast forms or no breast forms, not based on lack of insurance.

If she wants to wear something on her chest, there are many alternatives, some very inexpensive, that don't add weight or irritation to the chest--breast forms like Amoena, Style 126, or Still You Illusions Breast Replacements, for example. They can be worn with Still You Tank Tops, which are really camisoles--very soft or with regular bras. The Amoena 126s can be found for under $40 per form (some women find them online for around $26). I wear mine in a very inexpensive Maidenform bra or in a Still You camisole.

If you think she would be interested, you might suggest she check out my non-profit website, BreastFree.org, where I provide links to the above products and to virtually all the major companies selling post-mastectomy products--a good way to see what's available. I also provide a link to TLC, the American Cancer Society's site for inexpensive post-mastectomy products.

As you probably know, your friend could also check out BreastReconstruction.org, the new site that answers lots of reconstruction questions. Since reconstruction can be done at any time, she could see what her options are and perhaps at a later date have the recon done.

Hope this helps.

Barbara 

AnnNYC

Dotti,

BadBoob67 (Diane) is constructing a Wikispace listing financial resources for women with BC -- possibly some of the info there may be useful?

http://bb67.wikispaces.com/

dhettish

Iodine,I was told here in Tn, women w/ bc qualify for Tenncare (our version of Medicaid). I am not sure how your state works but she make qualify for some type of govt. assistance which might pay for reconstruction and/or prostheses.

I noticed this morning that I have not been standing up straight. part is due to lack of exercise and part just the change in my body. I am trying to make an effort to stand tall and proud w/o or w/ my prostheses on. And hold in my protruding tummy.

Debbie 

iodine

Hi all, thanks for your imput, you have been very helpful.  I have forwarded an email to her business, from which I know her.  I've included all your great suggestions and support.

I have also offered her an apology if I've invaded her privacy, but she and I did talk about bc. 

I'll let you know if she responds. 

Debbie, I'm in TN and these folks own their own business and it's successful, so she wouldn't qualify for Tncare.  I just figure they have a hell of a lot of bills to pay after such a treatment plan(couple hundred thousand??).  And, she may have just decided not to wear anything.

Again, thanks all, hope we are helpful and I'm not intrusive to  her.

xxxx

My biopsy and bilataeral mastectomy were pre-existing conditions that I paid for myelf.

I was offered free expander/implant reconstruction by a charitable organization that reconstructs women without insurance.  If this is something she's interested in, she should Google for something like that in her area. 

I agree: recon or no, prosthesis or no : everyone should have good posture!

Re: me.  Very soon the pre-exisiting expires.   I'm happy without recon.  I turned down the free recon.  I'm gathering information on S-GAP and I-GAP. 

gail1h

You are truly a great friend - I wish I had someone to look out for me like that.  I can understand as I had a bilat. mastectomy and opted to wear nothing for about a year.  I have a belly that before my surgery was not a big deal but after my surgery it seemed 3 times larger because of no breasts.  I was asked several times by strangers "when are you due" and it broke my heart every time.  I am certainly not vain but for some reason, being 34 years old and being asked this question was the worse than anything I had been through.  I then decided to get prosthetics and  my self confidence soared.  I cannot tell you what a difference it made for me.  I also crossed my arms across my chest to hide myself and avoided being the center of attention but after my prosthetics, I feel "normal" again.   I worried about this because I felt like I should just be happy to be alive and I shouldn't worry about what I look like.  I was reminded by a friend that it is not a sign of weakness or vanity to want to be "normal".

Isabella4

Dotti, isn't there someone on this board who collects up, and donates, free of charge, unwanted prostheses?

I have a feeling it was the girl who hosted Pinkstock 07. PurpleMB, but I could (very easily!!) be wrong.

Perhaps someone will be along who knows more ?????

By the way Good Luck with Dh's upcoming treatment, hope all goes well.

Isabella.

ravenrose48

OK I am asking for advice. I hope someone has an answer for me. 4 years ago I had my right breast removed because of stage 4 breast cancer. I opted later on not to have reconstruction because I went thru aggressive chemo and 35 roounds of radiation. My husband was fine with the one boob thing. Then, my husband passed away on June 10th, 2006 from a massive heart attack. Just recently I decided I would get back into the dating scene. My question is, When do you let the guy know that you only have one boob? What do you say to him? I feel like I would be embarrassed if I just let him find out on his own. I need to be upfront but I don't know how to tell him and exactly what to say when I do tell him. Please help! Thank you

Erica3681

First, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you've been through a lot. I can't exactly answer your question about dating myself since I'm married. However, my mother-in-law, who, like me, had bilateral mastectomies, went through the same thing you're describing. My father-in-law died when she was a very young sixty-four and eventually she wanted to date again. I believe she was quite open about her situation when she began each new relationship. I think if it were me, I definitely would tell the guy before anything intimate occurred. 

What I especially want to convey is that my mother-in-law met and married a wonderful, handsome, smart man who didn't care at all about her lack of breasts. She's now 82  and he's 87 and they've been married almost 12 years. So, take heart. There are wonderful men out there who care about you, not just your breasts.

Barbara

BreastFree.org 

purplemb

Isabella....lol... yup its me.... you have a great memory... if you know anyon ein need let me know...PM me..

thanks MB