I'm bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.

Anonymous

Prayers and agreement for excellent health and tests for Jane_M.

Sheila, ymb/Angel...  what can I say.  Wow.  My heart sank as I read your posts.

My breast care mentor suggested to me to ask my onco about removing my ovaries/uterus to removed that threat. 

The onco said, "We used to do that, but we found out that it did not make a difference in the return of cancer."

I was floored.

Actually, I was horrified at the preemptive strike idea that my mentor proposed.

I like to be logical, so I will open the door to my brain.  Stand back, enter at your own risk.  Last chance.  Go on to the next post.  It's okay.  No one will know except you.

If I have a cancer that is inoperable or in an organ that has historically proven to not be heal-able, my choice to remove the offender has been taken from me.  Be aware, this happened to one of my aunts.  Quite likely other relatives that I don't know about.

If I learn that something I possess can kill me, or not, eventually, or not, what woman would ever get pregnant.  Hold on... hold on... I agree with you. That was a FAR stretch, but only to make my point. 

What point?  Speak fast, sessna1, you're losing us... 

I gamble every day when I get up.  I gamble by driving.  I gamble by driving the freeway.  I gamble by eating MCK and whatever foods might be contributing to mutant cells that become tumors.

I have to pick my hill to risk my life upon.  Everyone does.  I have to tell myself (often) that I did the best I could with the knowledge that I had at the time - for ME.  I have to decide (Star Trek Mr. Worf character allusion) if 'this is a good day to die' and fight to the death over the situation.

I have to discern.  I have to discern with knowledge, information, wisdom, and courage.  Woe to those people who skip any one of those factors before making a decision.

I have to assess my level of trepidation, anxiety, and fear.  I have to decide what I can take now - and what I can take later on.

I was at the City of Hope today.  I spoke with more than one Christian that I met there.  One little Mexican lady with a darling smile confided in me that she was breast cancer free seven (7) years, and now it's come back in her liver.  I cringed.  We prayed for her. 

You see, I asked my neurosurgeon after two (2) spine surgeries if the spinal stenosis could occur again, threatening to put me in a wheelchair.  He said, "It's not likely."  He couldn't give me any guarantee, and I know he did an outstanding job on me.  I owe a great deal of my daily mental peace to him.

We are all made differently.  There are millions who went before me and paid the risk for trials, experiments, and medical data that I benefit from.  Some of those people never received any medical treatment, they just worked on their remains for the research data.

Do y'all know the story of Miz Evers' Boys?

http://litmed.med.nyu.edu/Annotation?action=view&annid=10060

I'm not trying to be a bummer.  What I'm saying is, even if I'm 'out voted,' I have to say that it's a hard decision to make.  I'll agree to disagree.

Ladies, people with cancer, we have hard decisions to make.

sessna1

----

P.S. No Tamoxifen for me with a blood clot, it (Tamoxifen) thins your blood, too.  Wow, next to chemo drugs, Coumadin is an overriding King to the doctors.  'You're taking Coumadin?  Well, now. Let's adjust our plans.  Whose monitoring you?  How often?  Don't cross your legs - not even at the ankles.  Don't want any blood clots moving or forming - only dissolving.  There you go.'

AND, that rash that I thought was RAID insect spray might have been the chemo drugs acting up.  So says my onco's nurse.  She says that ER docs don't see cancer patients that often.  (Really?)  She said that, 'Regular, non-onco physicians usually don't know that.'  i.e., that chemo drug SEs can take awhile.

My onco herself said, "Hm.  You are No Disease.  All the tumors are gone.  What caused the pulmonary embolism?"  (Was she asking me that?  I have no medical license.)  Oh!  Rhetorical question.  Okay. 

I started telling her about sessna1's spider, and she stopped me, 'but how did they find the pulmonary embolism?'  I smiled, and both she and her nurse (who I had told the story previously) replied, "That's how.  She went into the ER with a bad rash and some shortness of breath." 

Don't say that miracles don't still happen.  That's not true.  You just have to look for 'em. 

So, it's a mystery as to why I developed a pulmonary embolism --- what do you want to bet that there's another condition in my body coming up that ....  no no no.  I don't go there.  Well, not often.

WE knew that, didn't we, ladies?  With the brain frog comes some clarity of the situation.  You do not get off the cancer train and head for Club Med to be pampered.  Oh no you don't.  You ride the wild pony.

So, how will I know/find out what caused the unbearable rash?   Per my onco, "Well, we'll see if it comes back."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!   (sessna1 moans)

See why I need you ladies so much?  Only Y'all understand this journey - bad scriptwriters and all.

I gotta backtrack and read posts.  I was thrown off by wondering what the City of Hope would recommend today through the IV.  Now, we sit back and see if there are any SEs from it.  Then again, it could take months for them to kick in..  (Laugh ruefully with me.  That's it.  Get it all out.  THIS SUX.)

Anonymous

Cancer Shirts!  More Cancer SUX shirts at  http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/cancer .

Anonymous

http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/cancer

Mary22

At least one thing can be said, we all pretty much retained our sense of humor. They will never get mine!!!! That is what gets me thru the day.

CapeBretongirl

Sheila, you have lots of sisters, near and far

As predictable, Sessna1, you have me laughing and weeping at the same time. 

Jane, I'm thinking about you

Barbe1958, you work weekends, don't you?  Have a happy workweekend.

(((Hugs))) Angel

BooBee

If there are any football fans in the group you might understand how cool this is.  I cried like a baby.

http://www.kval.com/sports/local/56743892.html?video=YHI&t=a

AussieSheila

Good on ya, Renee, you would have made many people think twice when they saw those strapping big fellas taking time out to walk with you, giving their time to our cause. Nothing like a football player to grab the mens attention too.

Way to go, girl,

Sheila.

barbe1958

Ah Renee, it made ME cry too! A powerful message has been sent to the youth of America....

Thanks for the weekend wishes ymb, yes I do work till Monday now!

lovinmomma

Ok Renee, noiw I guess I have to root for the Ducks. Hard to do, but those guysare great!!!!

CapeBretongirl

I guess I have to jump on the Ducks wagon too!!!  Renee, I cried my eyes out.  (((Hugs))) Angel

EWB

Its wonderful to see that kids are getting credit for doing the good things (that they have been doing w/o notice)....the yr I was dxed w/stage 4 my dd was in High School, captain of the cheerleading squad, a competetive gymnast, honor student. Every yr the cheer squad would cheer as the walkers started off and then leave. That yr she decided to stay and walk, try to raise some money...inviting other team members to do the same, but doing it w or w/o them. She ended up raising more than $17,000 for ACS, and another $600 for Susan G (thru bake sales and pin sales-many of which she and I made ourselves). She repeated the event the following yr and is planning to do it again this yr @ college. With all the bad things we hear about--there is so much good being done by children and young adults, because its what they do and feel is right...not to get the publicity (my dd tried so hard to avoid reporters and any recognition..it was just something she did because it was important to her).

Renee- you know some lovely young men.

CapeBretongirl

EWR, You are so right. I find that kids and young adults today, are more cognizant , educated, on world issues, then in prior years.

O.k. O.k. I'd like to bitch & moan today. I have no will power. I try and try, but invariably end up F#$%king up. Last night I ate: A box of toffee crunch cookies, a big bag of ketchup chips, jelly belly jelly beans, 6 ice cream bars, and for dessert, 3 big slices of cheese cake. BY MYSELF. I went to bed with a dreadful stomach ache. I'm soooo good and then POW!! The inner cookie monster in me comes out. I think if anyone had put their hands in my way, I would have bitten their fingers off. At present I feel my hips increasing in size! aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww Angel

konakat

Angel -- don't be too hard on yourself -- every once in a while we need a good oink-out. It's like my vanilla ice cream slathered with ready-made chocolate icing binges.  For variety I add Sara Lee chocolate cake! 

Look at it this way -- the cookies are made with flour and are brown in colour -- you just had healthy grain.  Toffee is made with sugar which comes from sugar cane which looks remarkably like tall celery.  Ketchup is made from tomatoes -- a veggie.  Beans are healthy legumes.  And jelly beans are colourful like fruit!  Ice cream -- can't get enough calcium.  Cheese is protein.  So it sounds like a well rounded meal to me!  I can rationalize anything, no matter how big the stretch!

EWB

Anonymous

Hey hey hey.  I saw this on another board, I am not abadoning this wonderful one, just looking for data.

Topic: Has anyone started a forum for Chemo in Dec 2008?

Tamoxifen Reported to Cause Aggressive Cancer Tumors

http://www.naturalnews.com/026931_cancer_Tamoxifen_brst_cancer.html

Cancer is not a Disease - It's a Survival Mechanism (Book Excerpt)

http://www.naturalnews.com/022578_cancer_cancer_cells_disease.html

New research shows vitamin D slashes risk of cancers by 77 percent; cancer industry refuses to support cancer prevention

http://www.naturalnews.com/021892_cancer_Vitamin_D_cancer_industry.html

dreamwriter

I just love my daughters new tshirt = I want to be Barbie, the b*tch has everything!

She got one for her boyfriend - There are two theories about arguing with a woman. Neither works.

CapeBretongirl

Dear Konakat;  The method you use, to deduce the most logical facts, is with out a qualm, ingenious! Obviously, I have to get with it. If at any time I ever get into a predicament with the law, I'm imploring you, please! please! Will you be my wing man & lawyer. With your ingeniousness & charm, I'd be out of jail in 5 minutes flat. And of course 10 minutes after that, I'd be home eating the 4 basic food groups: cookies, candies, Ice cream and last but not least a big bag of chips.  I've got it made in the shade!!!   (((hugs)))Angel

konakat

Any time Angel.  Don't forget the 5th food group -- cake! 

GramE

And some wine - from the grape, fruit group.

CapeBretongirl

This is what I'm going to do.  I'm going to put on one of my saucy t-shirts, eat the five food groups, cake for dessert.  Then get sloshed from the fruit group, on wine.

barbe1958

Dream LOVE the T-shirts! heheheheheeheh

All you guys bitching about eating all the good stuff! Are you crazy? Good stuff. Good. G. O. O. D.

Life is too short. We all know that!

GramE

ymb, what does your saucy t shirt have on it?   I used to have one with " Sugar and Spice and everything nice " on the front.  "Get Real"   on the back.   I wore it out...

Today may be " I have issues".     

Mary22

Good Morning All!!!!! So far I have had a good w/e. Tomorrow is back to work!!!

Renee what a lovely news story. I agree with everyone, I cried, but it is so nice to see the good things kids do!!!!!

I had Rum and Coke, I guess that could be the 6th food group. LOL

Enjoy the holiday.

kmccraw423

Good morning Warriors.

Konacat - you are one clever woman - I don't know how you came up with that great rationalization.  I love it!

Sessna1 - your love of God comes shining through everything you post.  Maybe you could start a new thread like "Putting God in your life."  I know He has done a lot for me and I truly want to turn my life over to Him but am having trouble doing so.  Just a thought.

Every time I read about some woman who is told to "wait and see," "we'll watch it" or is the recepient of incompetence and isn't diagnosed until Stage IV makes me so sad and so angry.

I cry at the thought of all the wonderful, generous, caring, loving women we lost prematurely because there is no cure.

I looked at the bc cancer t-shirt site and although many are humorous, the one I liked the best because it says it all is:

Supporting the fighters, Admiring the survivors, Honoring the taken.

kmccraw423

I've thought about the binge eating and want to post a RANT - no answer is required.  There is no problem to be solved - just lived with.

I am a diabetic.  For most of the time have been a noncompliant diabetic - in otherwords, ate like I didn't have diabetes.  I accept that my physical problems are a direct result of that (not bc).  Here's the rant coming up:

I hate the fact that I can't eat anything I want - I mean really, really hate it.  Like everyone else in America - I grew up with food translating into comfort.  My comfort has now been removed and I don't like it one bit.  I used to watch TV and eat; read and eat; eat because I am sad, eat because I am nervous, eat because I was happy, eat because they showed one of my favorite episodes of one of my favorite series on TV - well, you get the picture.  I can't do that anymore and I HATE it.  I have diabetic neuropathy so bad I cannot feel my feet!  I have a diabetic ulcer I can't get to heal - its only been there a little over a year!  And even though I am compliant now and have lost a considerable amount of weight (close to 30 pounds), it isn't helping to heal the ulcer.  When they come up with a cure for breast cancer, can they find a cure for diabetes, too?

Isabella4

Kathleen I am so sorry about your diabetic problem, sounds a biggie.

I don't know anything about diabetes. I know my MIL has it, she refuses to stop eating sugars/cakes/chocolate. DH and I get it in the neck from her GP, but we can't be with her to stop her 24 hrs a day, she thinks nothing of tucking into a whole cake herself.

Don't know if I could give up my sweeties completely !

Isabella.

Mary22

Kathleen, I love my sweets too,a nd do not know if I could completely give them up. My aunt is diabetic and she too has bad neuropathy. i have never been a bin wait and believer in wait and see. That is what the drs. said to mom and she died.

kmccraw423

Hey, Mary:  Diabetes is an insidious disease that kills nerves - that's the reason for neuropathy, blindness, kidney failure, and "silent" heart attacks (nerves are numb so you can't feel the pain).  A while back they discovered that it was not the sugar that you ate but rather the carbohydrates and the portion.  Each meal is not to have more than 45-60 carbohydrates.  IF you think that's a lot, everything but animal flesh has carbs!  I am a vegetarian so there's some good news.  Check the nutrition claimer on any box, bag, or can to see the carbs contained inside - you will be amazed.  The reason we diabetics should not eat sweets is the number of carbs - not sugar - although we can have some sweets - just limited and must adjust food plan for that day (in otherwords, cut back somewhere).  And it cannot be every day.  Diabetics who prefer to be diet non-compliant end up crppled, blind, awaiting a kidney transplant or dead.

Each diabetic has a choice - not a great choice but a choice nonetheless.

CapeBretongirl

Dear Kathleen;  It ‘s ghastly that you have to deal with the pressure of two diseases. Diabetes is awful. I don't know how I would persevere if I was diabetic. When you described your relationship with food, it could have been me talking. Food for me is a crutch, a celebration, a comfort, a pick me up,etc. Most of all, I associate it with love, from my adolescence. As a hobby, my Mom took courses and received Chef papers. Without exception, each day of my childhood, mom prepared large home cooked cuisine. She grew up on a horse farm, so meals had to be plentiful. Every second day of the week was baking day. Pies, cakes, cookies, pastries, muffins, rolls, tea biscuits, homemade bread, from scratch. I didn't have store baked bread until I was in my twenty's. Everything and anything you could imagine, in the way of food, she created. What wasn't devoured immediately, was dispensed to the neighbor hood. Baking & cooking in moderation was a foreign concept to Mom. She demonstrated her love to family and friends by baking. I've been contemplating hypnosis to break my correlation with food. What is your opinion? Everyone please feel free to chime in.   (((hugs))) Angel

CapeBretongirl

Ooopss I meant Kathleen, I submitted my post over 2 hours ago & it just showed on the page.  So I missed reading your most recent post, until now. I was vegan for 20 yrs, and I can tell you for certain, the only time I took in only 60 carbs, was when I was licking sauce off my fingers.   Crap I don't know how you do it.    (((hugs))) Angel