Medical Humor

cp418

Medical Humor

cp418

Subject: Marvelous moments of medical doctors

         1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have

 her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab; Lifted

the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.  Suddenly I

noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.

             Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

          2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an

elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big

breaths," I instructed "Yes, they used to be," replied the  patient.

           Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

           3.. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a

 wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more

than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the

family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

          Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

            4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with  his

cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble

with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the

nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm

running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered

what I hoped I  wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on

his body!  Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch

before applying a new one.

            Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

           5.. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I

asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of  complete

confusion she answered.."Why, not for about twenty years - when my

husband was alive."

           Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

            6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and  while

checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this

morning?"  "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't

seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to

see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY

Jelly"

           Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

           7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young

woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a

variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on

the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been

dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the

grass."  Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short

note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the

lawn."

            Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!

        8.  As a new young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite

embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.  To cover my embarrassment

I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady

upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further

embarrassing me.  I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.

Was I tickling you?"  She replied, "No, doctor, but the song you were

whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner."

            The doctor did not sign his name

ADK

ROTFLMAO!  I especially liked the final one.

evilelf

EXCELLENT~!~!~!

Harley44

Thanks!  They were SO funny!  I really needed something to laugh at...

Harley