Feeling Alone Sometimes

mommom5

Feeling Alone Sometimes

mommom5

This is my first time in a chat room.  3 year breast cancer

survivor.  I am single and live alone.  Really always felt that was the low point of breast cancer was living alone.  I am a Hospice Vol  (14 yrs) I vol for a local breast cancer org. -- I know I am blessed and my relationship with God is most important to me - yet I feel something is missing in my life.  I have 2 adult daughters - I know they love me but never ask how I feel-about the doctor's appointments, etc.  I am so encouraging to other women that I know with breast cancer - yet I cannot seem to help me after all this time.  I guess I just need to hear from others.  I try not to deal in self-pity.   

Anonymous

Hi, Mommom5! Sorry it had to be herre, but nice to meet you just the same...

I think lots of folks - especially close family - don't ask about the emotional end of BC because they don't realize that there even is one. So many people seem to think that once the immediate treatment of surgery, chemo and rads is done, we should be fine and ready to move on with life already. Those of us who have btdt know diferently, lol. This disease can shift your whole paradiem as thoughts of it never really being over usually aren't too far away. Again, I think only a person who has dealt with similar issues can truly and totally understand...

Perhaps talking to folks who've been where you are can help. This board is great (I've met sooooo many amazing women who helped me find my new normal), but live contact is good, too. Have you thought about looking for a support group for bc survivors? Perhaps you can find one - or other support networks for survivors - via the breast cnacer org you volunteer for.

Know that you aren't alone in this. We'll be here for you as much as you'd like us to ...

(BTW, I'm a three-year survivor as well!)

Calif-Sherry

Feeling alone is a real feeling.  Even if you were with someone/significant other; it's a real feeling.  I am single with three  grown children; have lots of friends and family for support.  But, once you're looking back to normal, they think you are.  It's tough.  However, that is why we can post here and talk with women who truly understand what we're going through.  It has sure helped me.  Hang in there!!!

SpunkyGirl

Hi Mommom,

Your posting caught my attention.  I'm married with two small kids, and even I understand the lonely part.  I can't imagine living alone and going through this.  Do you go to a church?  I hope that God provides for you in the way of a loving companion (if that's what you want).  I have friends who are survivors who are meeting people and handling dating very well.  I hope that whatever your needs are, God will provide.

Good luck to you.

Bobbie

pnut2

hey mommom, i understand how you are feeling. i am also single with breast cancer. i dont have any children. my friends and family think that since my cancer is gone, that i am "cured". that is so far from the truth and very fustrating. i am battling with the emotions on what to do with my life; now that my routine is going back to normal. i have lots of positive things happen to me since i was diagnosed with bc. i have found a new group of friends who have become my staunch supporters, and i have discovered that my church holds amazing people. i never thought that i would love antiquing but that is my new passion. find a church that has lots of group activities.  also, go to a therapist and talk. the main thing; stay connected with breast cancer sisters, we are the best women in the world!!! i love you and have you in my prayers. 

eag011

Mommom,

I know the feeling.  Although I hate to acknowledge it, I feel the same way.  I'm an almost 2 year survivor and its as if my family thinks  that I'm here so lets just move on as if this never happen.  My best friend on the other hand is like, are you okay, I'm worried about you, on and on.  I'm looking for that happy medium and like you, I just don't know where to find it. Everyday I think how glad I am that God has given me another day.  I have an adult daughter as well and also single.  I just pray that God will direct my path, maybe my support is meant to come from within.

Anonymous

Mommom,

I feel for you in your loneliness. Like so many have suggested  a church group may be a good place to find understanding friends. God is always with you my sister, we are never alone when we have Him in our lives(as you probably know). I can understand how you must feel. I have 2 children, a husband  and loads of family here near and sometimes I come to the boards for comfort and understanding. I hope you come to vent whenever you need. I hope we can help. God be with you my sister.

Much Love,

Benita  

Lee27

Hi Felicia,

I'm bracing myself for the family emotions.  I'm all done with my txs and found your comments well worth sticking in my pocket on my move back home. I've been out of state during all these txs. and they have not seen me...some for as long as a year. I know they will look at me and think I'm all fine and nothing is wrong with me now. I Know I'll be back on line letting you know how I came out. It is my hope to bring them up to speed on bc. I'm the lst-timer in my family.

Lcharmie

HI MOMOM5

I AM A 9 YEAR BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR, AND EVEN NOW AS I AM STILL IN TREATMENT, I FIND THAT THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN IDENTIFY WITH YOU ARE FOLKS THAT HAVE BEEN THERE---I AM NOT SURE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HEAR OR CAN'T HEAR--I HAVE A HUSBAND AND 3 ADULT CHILDREN(4 GRANDS) THEY ASK HOW I AM DOING, BUT THEY ALL SEEM TO GO OFF OF" MY CUE"--AND I HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED DURING THIS TIME THAT THEY TELL ME I AM "AMAZING"--UNLESS I AM FLAT ON MY BACK SICK AND I HAVE BEEN A TIME OR TWO---I THINK THEY THINK--AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH HER--AND MAYBE WE DO TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US--ON THE OTHER HAND I AM ONE WHO WILL DO FOR MY SELF IF I HAD TO CRAWL---IT WAS HARD TO LET FOLKS HELP EVEN AT MY LOWEST POINTS(I AM A CARE TAKER--LISTEN TO EVERYONE ELSES' PROBLEMS----SO I AM RAMBLING ON AND ON---SUPPORT GROUPS CAN HELP---AND THIS BLOG IS A PRIVATE KIND OF THING OF LADIES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE AND ARE MORE THAN WILLING TO SHARE AND LISTEN, AND I LOVE IT---THANKS TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE---I AM NOT ON OFTEN, BUT EMBRACE ALL THE INFO AND JUST LOVE I CAN HEAR FROM EACH OF YOU---SO MOMOM5--HANG IN HERE WITH US!!

SINCERELY

LINDA C

tt735

I am the daughter of a mother who was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mom is like my best friend it's only been her and I while growing up. When she told me that she had breast cancer I could not eat or sleep. I just kept thinking about my two children and how to break the news to them if she did not make it. My kids are very close to my mom. She just started chemo and I went to her first chemo treatment with her. My mom has known to be very strong so when I saw her breaking down it just tore me a part. She is just one treatment into chemo but I still worry almost everyday. I know that they say that African American woman die faster with breast cancer and I know that everyone is different but if someone who is african american and have survived past five years can share their story it would really help.

cneal318

tt735, I can relate to what you are saying as well. My mother is my best friend and when she was diagnosed in December 2005 with stage 4 breast cancer with mets to her liver, I didn't know what to think. I initally thought the worse. My mother has been on a few different chemos, some worked for while and then stopped and she had to be put on another one. My mother is also one of the strongest women I know and yet I have never seen her to this day break down and cry (at least not when I am around). We found out in April of 2007 that she also had mets to her bone and although she was delivered this news she still held her own. I unfortunately broke down in front of her for the first time at the oncs office that day. I spend every moment I can with her because I never know how long I am going to have her here ( she lives 5 minutes away). I pray that she will get to see our 9 year old daughter grow up. Mom is 55 years old and going on her third year battling this beast.

Please know that if you ever need to talk I am here. Sometimes its nice to be able to speak to people who can relate to what you are going through.

Hugs

Crystal

Lcharmie

TO CRYSTAL

TO TT735

HELLO SISTERS

IN MY MIND I BELIEVE GOD HAS GIVEN GREAT TECHNOLOGY TO THE DRS.  THERE ARE MANY MEDS TO KEEP US ON FOOT THAT WAS NOT THERE YEARS AGO.  BREAST CANCER CAN BE CHRONIC JUST LIKE DIABETES AND OTHER CHRONIC ILLNESSES.  IF A PERSON IS STRONG IN THOUGHT PROCESS THIS CARRIES US.  SOMETIMES FOLKS DON'T MAKE IT--BUT WE DON'T EVEN SPEAK OR THINK THIS NEGATIVITY TO THE SITUATION---WE GIVE IT NO POWER.

I HAD MY SURGEON TELL ME--"LINDA WE WILL LIVE TILL WE DIE" AND THAT IS A FACT!!

I HAVE 2 FRIENDS WITH BREAST CANCER--ONE 25 YEAR SURVIVOR AND ONE 19 YEAR SURVIVOR.  MY HUSBANDS' AUNT DIED AT THE AGE OF 89 YEARS OLD, SHE HAD BREAST CANCER WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, SHE PASSED AWAY FROM AGE.  SO HERE IS HOPE FOR ALL OF US.  I KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE STATISTICS ARE ABOUT BLACK WOMEN--BUT SEE THEY ARE NOT IN CHARGE--SOMEONE ABOVE GOT ALL THE POWERS!!!!TRY TO STAY POSITIVE FOR YOURSELVES AND YOUR LOVE ONE  TOO--YEP, SOMETIMES WE TRIP UP--GET ON UP AND KEEP RUNNING!!

I AM 61 AS OF 2-14-08  IT WILL HAVE TO CATCH ME RUNNING, I WILL NOT LAY DOWN TO THIS--I FEEL BLESSED TO BE HERE TO SHARE WITH YOU ALL.

LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!!

LINDA C

Calif-Sherry

How's everybody doing?  The weather's changing and that usually makes me feel more hopeful.  I played golf today in 70 degree weather here in Sacramento.  A beautiful day!!!

Anonymous

Sherry,  could you send some of that warmth to the east coast? It is cold, windy and rainy here - just like it has been for the past two days. Further north, they got snow, so I'm not complaining...

tt735, I know it is scary hearing your mother tell you she has breast cancer (my mom was 44 when she was diagnosed), but you have to remember that all those statistics about Black women having higher mortality rates from bc are only numbers. Each treatment plan is so individual - especially with the wide array of drugs available to us that weren't around even 5 years ago - that you almost have to take those numbers and toss them right out the window...

BC is NOT a death sentence. Even women diagnosed as stage IV live - and I mean LIVE, not just exist - for many, many years with this beast. I would suggest that you do your homework to get a leg up on what you guys are dealing with (er/pr +? node involvement? HER2 +?) not only for your mom's health and well-being, but for your own. This board is a wealth of information. Many women here have gone to their docs for information on new drug therapies that they first heard about here. It pays to be proactive...

I know things seem uncertain and dark right now, but know that it will get better. Like Linda said, we will live until we die, for sure...

Hang in there...