taking a break

Isabella4

Beth, you are a real help and inspiration to all the young women on here, a true example to them.

Us oldbies just marvel at your way of communicating on their level.

Just hope this will be a break and not a leaving.

Isabella.

Anonymous

Beth:  Goodness.  Once again I dont have a clue what has happened.  I just think this is really sad.  There are too many coming here with real life issues and they are scared.  We should be kind to each other.   Im sorry to hear this happened to you.  

Nicki 

LisaSDCA

Beth - YOU?!?

Someone has been dissin' on YOU!?!  Enough to make you feel it is a sign for you to leave?!? No no no no! Like Laura, I am confused by all this since I was MIA and on a surgical table up in LA last week. But I am really, truly, most assuredly, competely BUMMED by this turn of events. I can't help but beg you not to go. Use your 'ignore this person' option and stay with us in the make-up and fashion and especially the reconstruction threads. Your expertise, charm and good humor cannot be replaced.

I cannot understand why grown women cannot find it in themselves to remain civil - or if not, to just click to another thread that does not personally rile them so, where they can perhaps be supportive. If they cannot find anywhere that does not provoke in them some spiteful remark, publicly or through PM, maybe a short walk, a moment of reflection, some good deep breathing could help restore the equilibrium and sense of camaraderie we all come here for. Turning away from the computer when one senses a snarky response bubbling up through the fingers is really an easy maneuver.

Come back!

Lisa

Anonymous

I am totally confused at the chain of events!

barbara913

beth,

you will be missed... and hopefully one day you will be back... there are lots of women on here that love your advice

you know you will be welcomed back w/ open arms when you feel the time is right.

continued success in all aspects of your life... and your website is a great source of information for many women who are just starting on this journey.

barbara

djd

Beth,

I've too have been on the receiving end of attacks from ladies who claim to be here with unconditional support for one another...

I still check the boards sometimes, but often go days and lately weeks without checking in.  It's just not the same place I joined 3 years ago.

my3girls

djd, Beth cmb35, and anyone else who has suffered harsh words on this site, It saddens me to think that a few people who for some reason, have to lash out and be heartless and rude to others.  I don't understand the thought process there! I just joined back in November, and I am so glad that I have not experienced this.  If I had, I would have left without returning.  Why would I want to come someplace for support and help, only to find rudeness and hurt?? I have been to a few threads, where I have seen so much bickering...I just left without returning. Who needs that? I have a met a wonderful group of ladies on the thread that...I call HOME!  I feel very blessed to be a part of such a great group of supporting sisters! Again, I am sorry that a "few bad apples have spoiled it for some".  Beth, I personally will miss your very educated insight.  But I wish you all the best, and thank you for all the invaluable advice you have given. Lisa

deborye

  I hope U come into the chat room. 

 

Sandra1957

You are an amazing woman!   I don't know what happened, but I get the need for a break.  I hope you come back when you feel up to it for you will be missed.

lini

celia088

"I've too have been on the receiving end of attacks from ladies who claim to be here with unconditional support for one another..."

  

I am in total agreement with what djd has said above. 

Beth, hope to see you back again.  Hugs!!!!

celia088

(removed duplicate post)

Fitztwins

WTH??  I have no idea what happen. I am ashamed that this has happened to our Beth. She has been such an inspiration (as so many of the ladies here). WTH??? Ladies, Ladies...

Remember what your momma said? if you can't say anything nice, then don't say it!!

Beth, I understand, but I feel that leaving is the wrong thing to do. It is like a chicken house. Chickens will peck you out of the coop unless you fight back, you belong here. Phooey! That is what I say.

Banning a metser? that is sad too.

I have no clue what happen Beth, but I am sorely sadden at the turn of events. Each internet board I have been a part of has had this happened, I just don't understand it.

Janis

sad, sad, sad to those who made this happen

AnnNYC

Janis,

I just wrote that in an email to someone this afternoon -- that my mother drilled in to me since I was 4, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"

Love,

Ann

Fitztwins

Oh, don't ya all know never to talk politics and religion! loan money to family or friends??

=0) smirky

sueps

Beth ...please don't go ...you mean the world to so many sisters...and your support is second to none....there are so many newbies and people going to miss out on you .....

This site is for support.... support for very ill, very frightened girls..

 Beth please think to stay ...you are worth so much .... xxx

....We will worry about you too ...I loved reading your posts and what you were up to xxx

AnneW

Beth, let me add both my wishes that you continue to be a great advocate for breast cancer survivors and tell you how much I'll miss you here.

Sometimes breaks from the internet are healthy. You can still assist people in your unique, loving way, whether it's here or at work.

Rock on, girl. Keep pushing. And if you decide to come back, we "oldies" will welcome you with open arms.

Peace,

Anne

TenderIsOurMight

I'd like to add back, that I agree.



Leaving bc.org is a sure sign that we all lost this round, and past rounds of a similar vein.



Why don't you all come back and give us a second chance?



We need you all. And who ever the banned sister with metastasis is, I beg her to register under a pseudoname (or whatever it's called) and let us intervene with the moderators as we may. NO ONE SHOULD BE ALONE WITH BREAST CANCER METASTASIS. Sis=sisters!



We are here for you.

Tender

Harley44

Beth ---

WTH??!!   I AM SO VERY SORRY to see you go!! 

Please come back!!  You have been so very helpful to everyone here!


Harley

abbadoodles

Dear ladies, I will reiterate to Beth and to you my distress at these circumstances.  This sort of thing happens on just about any board/list, bc or not. 

I have been trying to figure out how to avoid getting into the thick of things and have come up with a few rules for MYSELF, since I cannot control anyone else's behavior, only mine.

1.  Once I see a negative pattern in anyone's posts, especially directed towards me, I avoid threads started by that person or dominated by that person.  That way, I am not getting my knickers in a twist and being tempted to reply to them.  There is no winning at this game.

2.  In general, even though I am an ardent believer in free speech, I TRY to keep mum on my opinions, whether they be political, religious, ethnic, medical, etc.  I realize that there will be many people who will not agree with me and may try to bait me with their responses.  Since I'm only human, I may take the bait.  Again, a losing proposition.  No one changes their minds and feelings are hurt and everyone else has a bad taste in their mouths.

Since I am not really a goody-two-shoes, I am not in a position to give others advice but I cannot help sharing what works for me.  LOL I hope this is not an obnoxious post but, if it is, just write me off; don't bother to respond.

Tina

lvtwoqlt

Tina, I also follow your "rules for posting". I don't try to change anyones oppinion and stay off the political threads. I saw some of the threads that were directed to Beth and I thought that the attacks were not provoked by Beth.  Sometimes it is good to take a step back and repriortize our feelings.

Sheila

gsg

:sending Tina an OUTRAGEOUS PM:

just kidding.   I think what you've posted is great advice, Tina, and is kind of my practice as well.  I don't get involved in heated debates and avoid those threads like the plague.

I felt I could no longer stay mum when I read Beth's post.  I sincerely hope everybody will hold their tongues if they feel tempted to be unkind or snide  and let's just try to support each other and hope Beth comes back.  I've recommended this board to so many and hope it continues to be a place of comfort and support for all.

badboob67

Right or wrong...agree or disagree...this site is for EVERYONE TOUCHED BY BREAST CANCER. I have noticed a decline in decorum over the last few months. Maybe it's just a general anxiety we are all feeling. Whatever the cause, it saddens me that people are having such a hard time getting along.

Breast cancer and all it entails takes so much from us. Perhaps it is the flailing and struggling for control and stability that makes some of us cling so vehemently to our opinions and causes such a violent reaction when we are met with disagreement. If one is scrambling to hold fast to those bits of her life that she has control over--like her opinions--it makes sense that a perceived threat by way of disagreeing or counter-argument could cause someone to lash out.

We are all wounded. We are all at varying stages with this disease and we all cope differently. Some of us are on medications that impact our thought processes and moods. Still others of us are struggling with financial issues, family discord, career challenges, or problems with insurance and medical care.

I hate to see that anyone feels as though they are not wanted here. I am so grateful for the differences in all of us. It is a great gift to be allowed to interact with a global community of women brought together by such a rotten disease. Disagreements or not, I have benefitted beyond measure from reading the different viewpoints and experiences of everyone here.

I am so sorry that ugliness and attacks--both by PM and in "public--has chased away people who have so much to contribute. 

I think that the power of this little "community knowledge exchange" was sorely underestimated by its creators. I don't think they had any idea how huge and important it would become to so many of us. They are scrambling furiously to try and implement features to help make visiting the boards a safe and positive experience. Unfortunately, backing into the situation as they are rather than preventing some of the problems from the beginning has proven to be quite a challenge.

We all screamed, "DO SOMETHING" when "Sophia" and all his permutations continually spammed the boards with exploitative and hurtful garbage. Many of us provided suggestions. The mods, I'm sure, spent time discussing the pros and cons of each possible solution. They settled on a "report this comment" feature that would allow removal of a post if enough community members agreed a post should be removed. They did provide a confirmation page that urged people who report a comment to be sure it fits the criteria before reporting. In their efforts to give us what we were clammoring for, the mods inadvertantly produced a situation wherein users could abuse the system and use their power to silence those with whom they disagreed.

In any group of people, there is always going to be that fraction that abuses privelege. There are always going to be people who are combative. There is no way to screen or weed out "troublemakers". The goal of this site and message board are to get INFORMATION and SUPPORT to those of us that need it. Unfortunately with human nature being what it is, we are forced to contend with issues and personality conflicts that detract away from that ideal.

I understand your desire to take a "time out", Beth. I do hope that you find a shorter absence rather than a longer is what's right for you.

I also hope and pray that we all can learn to appreciate our differences and varying viewpoints and restrain ourselves when our base instincts urge us to attack.

(((HUGS)))
Diane

Kerry1000

I'm also not sure what happened - I read a lot but don't post a lot and try to avoid threads where emotions start to get heated - but Beth it would be a shame if mean, obnoxious people drove you away (though I certainly understand wanting to take a break for a while).  Your posts are great and you would be sorely missed!  So please don't let the 'bad guys' win - do what you need to in order to protect yourself, block those scheming meanies, take a real or virtual vacation - but I very very much hope to 'see' you again very soon. 

saluki

Very well said Diane--

So sorry it has come to this

I've seen so many topics start off innocuous and turn venomous with personal attacks and innuendos

Beth -So sorry you were the recipient-  I've seen it too often over the past few years and have been truly sickened by it.

Too sad

I hope with time you feel comfortable enough to occasionally come back 

where you are much loved

ravdeb

I'm sorry, Beth. It seems that the boards go up and down. We go through stages where there are many attacks and then the waves calm down only to return to viciousness. I'm not sure why this happens, but I, too, am sorry it happened to you.

I hope you will return when things calm down here. You've helped so many women.

katharine

I have also been the recipient of venemous messages.

I think I will share one.

From Bethny: 

Just wondering what I could have ever done to you, that no matter where I post on this board, you seem to always have something rude to say to me.

B/C of YOU, I opted out of helping to plan the march on Washington.  Your comments then were rude, and unnecessary.

Then, you are rude again in the political debate.  I never for a minute thought anyone would think those comments were my own.  I cut and pasted, and I did it b/c no one was answering Amys' question. I did it in a rush, and wasn't even giving thought to the fact that people would wonder where the source was from.

In my 3 plus years in this community I have formed some incredible relationships.  Further, I am well-liked, and a respected member of this community, who treats everyone with kindness, humor, and laughs.

It blows my mind; your posts, while not directly attacking me, leave me with a sour taste in my mouth.

Do not respond to any of my posts on these boards.

Sandra1957

Oh!! Everyone stop already!!  Enough is enough!!  Let's move on.  Sisters are dying!!

saluki

Amen!

ADK

Well put, Lini!

Anonymous

I knew it was just a matter of time before this started to turn. I thought private messages were supposed to be...um...PRIVATE?!? Did I miss the memo on that one?



If you can't play nice by staying out of the fray, at least don't add to it by fanning the flames. Gheesh!