How can I find a new partner after Breast Cancer

josie24

How can I find a new partner after Breast Cancer

josie24

Even after being dignosed with breast cancer when I was only 35, I aways felt lucky because I had a great family, a supportive partner, my world was just perfect. Until last november when I had my reconstruction, the surgery was not as sucessifull as it should be and two days latter I had to have one of the implants removed. I lost muscle and skin of my chest, I was at the hospital for a month. meanwhile, my partner was at home cheating on me. My perfect world crushed. Now I am trying to find a cure for my heart. I need friends to talk to. What can I do to find a new partner? How can I explain to a new person the scars and deformity in my body? How can I feel sexy again?

AnnNYC

hi Josie -- I answered you on the other conversation (about that Harvard study) -- I'm glad to see you started a thread yourself.

That sucks SO MUCH, about your partner.

You deserve to have had someone devoted to you -- but unfortunately, your partner couldn't be that someone.  Unfortunately, others here have experienced something similar -- but not everyone, so there is hope!

I think you'll feel sexy when you feel healed.  You deserve to love yourself and aim at healing and feeling good again.  I don't think you are deformed.  I think you had lifesaving treatment that injured you and that you are still healing from.  Cancer dealt you a blow, and your partner dealt you a blow, and that takes time to recover from.  Seek out loving supportive people -- family and friends.  When you are feeling better, I know you will find a partner who understands that life can inflict scars on everybody -- and scars do not diminish a person's worth.  In fact, a person's life experiences and how she handles them enhance her worth.

I know there is also grief and loss and fear.  I don't mean to be glib.  But you deserve to feel good again, and I think you are strongly reaching toward feeling good again, and I'm sure you'll get there.

Best,

Ann

Raye99

Josie - I am sorry to hear about your partner and that you are hurting. Your scars do not take away from your beauty.

I will not repeat what Ann said very well above; she is right. Have you read "My One Night Stand with Cancer" by Tania Kattan? Very very good book. She had some unfaithful partners (to whom she referred as "toxic girlfriends"). The book helped me accept myself for what I am now (no recon).

Take care.

Raye

Mary-Lou

It is best that you found out about the true core of this person.

It is only now that you can begin to heal and go on with out her. She would have let you down somewhere along the line anyway.

She has that type of personality that sucks the very life out of you to make herself happy at your expense.

You will know love again. Thank God for unanswered prayer. Most of the time it will be what was best for you anyway.

It is her loss.....

NoH8

I agree with MaryL-- even though the timing sucked, I think it's better to know than not to know. What your GF did sucks-- she should have had the courage to just end it with you rather than cheating.

If I were you I'd concentrate on loving yourself, not looking for a partner. You'll be at your best to find the right person if you're not actively searching for someone to validate that you're lovable and worthy than romance. I didn't have reconstruction after my bilateral and wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't see that my beauty has nothing to do with my breasts or lack there of.

Lovell

Hello,

First of all don't think about a new partner. You need to feel better about yourself. I Had breast cancer 2002 and again 2007  being a fitness trainer was very hard for me because I did everything right. I Had to have Chemo treatment so I understand how your body can change. Some one will love you for the person that you are not the fact that you had breast cancer and your body has change.  Everyone body will change at a point. Good Luck.

HeatherThompson

Personally I think women who go through bc are more beautiful than women who don't. The courage and strength that they radiate is so beautiful, and I know there are other women out there that believe see and admire that too. I agree that you shouldn't think about a new partner right now, if you have a group of friends to go out with go have fun, and she will find you. Don't try and change yourself to "make-up" for the scars, you are such a special person and thats part of your life and the right woman will love you and make you feel sexy, but first you need to accept it and love yourself the way you are, strong and beautiful. Breast do not make a woman beautiful, her heart and personality does, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Your ex was a jerk and it had nothing to do with you or your surgery, she was an awful person to do that to you. Please do not blame yourself for her stupid mistake. She is missing out and one day she will realize that the shallow people she's with would never and could never love her like you did, and she will have to live with that truth.

 I know you mentioned that you were having reconstructive surgery, there is an alternitive that I feel is beautiful, mastectomy tattoos. I look at it like its a way for the bc survivor to say " I am a survivor, I am strong, beautiful and amazing."Get something that will make you feel amazing and beautiful every time you see it, because you sound like an amazing person. Hugs to you my dear and I wish you the best with everything. Oh, almost forgot, you mentioned you need friends to talk to, I am straight, but I know what its like to be cheated on when you need them the most, and I would be more than happy to chat with you. Just PM me if you'd like my email addy. Again, big hugs for you!

Heather

BTW, I hope all this makes sense.