Has anyone been in a long distance relationship?

NoH8

Has anyone been in a long distance relationship?

NoH8

Everything in my head tells me all the reasons not to get involved. Everythining in my heart implores me to go for it. Location. Location. Location.

Anonymous

Yes and it sucked!!!!

The guy I was seeing moved to another state and even though my head told me to let it go......I didnt.....

We tried to make it work, or at least I did, but I was dx'd with BC at the same time his move and such was going on....

I would never do a long distance relationship again...

Sorry to be negative, but that is my experience.....Im not saying you shouldnt try it if your heart is leading you that direction.....

Listen to your heart, its not often in this life that one meets their perfect match for life and if you dont try how will you ever know if this is the one?

Good Luck

Jule

NoH8

I want the negative and positive experiences Jule and I appreciate yours. I like to "look" before I leap, so to say.  I'm trying so hard not to fall hard for her....

Anonymous

Amy,

Just be careful...take lots of time, dont jump in with your heart first....and I completely agree with the "look before you leap" theory!!!!

Ive had a hard time getting back into the dating scene since my experience as I let my heart get too involved....although my situation was a little different than yours, we had been seeing each other for more than a year before the move to begin with.

But it was a lesson well learned I guess....

Jule

badboob67

I met my husband while I was on vacation and he was on military leave. We lived over a thousand miles apart and corresponded via snail mail and telephone. We ended up married and have been so for over 18 years.

There are certainly issues with a long distance relationship, but the distance does make you focus more on verbal communication which is a real plus. The distance also sometimes makes it "easier" for someone inclined to be dishonest to do so successfully.

Be careful, listen to your gut. Something wonderful COULD happen! 

NoH8

Thanks for the advice. Badboob, I'm glad to hear your story. I'm definitely going to try to go slow. That's usually how I embark on new relationships-- this woman is different though, my head is having a hard time slowing down my heart. I don't believe in love at first sight, because I think true love takes time to grow-- this one is a challenge to that theory.

Anonymous

Amy, you and I are so very different, I know, so you may not find any value in what I have to say. Also, I've never been in a long distance relationship, and that is your original question. So what the hell am I doing here?

I just want to say that, if I were in your situation, I'd make every effort to stay open to the possibility of its working out in your favor. Having had cancer shows us that, without a doubt, this isn't a dress rehearsal and we have just this one shot at life. I say embrace it and see where it leads. You might have your heart broken but, to me, that's better than having it preserved and unaffected. What's the point of life, after all, if it isn't to love?

JMHO, FWIW......

~Marin

badboob67

Amy,

I didn't believe in the love at first sight thing, either---but then it happened to me! LOL

Good luck to you. At the very least, maybe you will end up with a good friend. At best....well, who knows?  ) 

nosurrender

Amy, it was a hard thing for me to do.

I am not cut out for it. I think maybe for other people they could make a go of it, but I couldn't. He couldn't either.

If you need an emotional connection with someone and they are miles away, it can be tough.

But that is only my experience. I have heard of other people who have made a real success of it!

Good luck. 

iodine

I tried it when I was young.  I think what went wrong was that we dreamed up people we wanted the other to be, rather than the people we actually were because we wern't together.

When he came home, it was so different, the letters and calls were great, but one on one in 'real life' was a whole different story.

NoH8

So much insight from you guys!

Marin I like what you're saying about remaining open. That's sort of what my gut has been saying. What is fwiw?

Badboob, thanks for your experience. I think in fatuation at first sight is more likely and that in rare cases that grows to true, life long love.

Dottie, first and foremost, I think I'm way too broke to do the long distance thing, lol.

Iodine, what you said is exactly one of the things that's holding my heart back. I already had one failed relationship because of that.

Anonymous

fwiw - for what its worth

NoH8

ahhh i would have been guessing all day on that one.

Methusala

I think my sister met her partner online, although she wouldn't admit it (ha ha) but now they've been together 6? 7? years.. it worked for them.

Go for it.

Or you'll always wonder. 

NoH8

That's funny methus! I've known couples who met online and moved in pretty far to be together. I am no NOT at the point of even thinking about that-- or rather I sometimes think, but perish the thought at this early stage.

iodine

I need to add: sorry my post was a downer, but, I say go for it, too.

Not enough love in the world so why pass up a chance for some?

NoH8

Don't apologize Dotti-- if I wanted to just hear positive experiences, I would have put that in the title of the post. I'd much rather be realistic about things.

Mizsissy

Where there's love there's a way.  Think about how you'll be feeling ten years from now, twenty years, you'll be kicking yourself.

AnnNYC

You know what, Amy?

I think it's a little like reconstruction decisions!  To each her own!

You have the advantage of experience -- you learned from your long-ago long-distance thing that one of the big pitfalls is "relating" to an imaginary person -- so you're not so likely to let this thing head in that direction.

But lust can be a good thing, too!  Especially after what we've all been through -- no wonder your heart (and probably other "bits" as they say in England!) are telling your head "don't tell us no -- we want this now"

Of course, that's scary too.

I've been in a longterm longdistance relationship -- and I treasure it.  Has its downsides, of course.  But before that I had a 17-year "local" relationship that included marriage, child and 12 years of living together -- the last 5 of which were just horrible.  Compared to that, I've gotten a lot of sustenance -- and a lot more sex!!!! -- from my 9-year longdistance relationship!

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide to try!

Anonymous

My only problem with ldr's is that the person can lie. How do you know that they really are working?  My ex would say that he had worked all day and turns out he wasn't.  He said he went to a certain church and later on, after we were married, I found out he was not a regular attender.  I jumped too soon and believed it all.  I wish I had visited up there several times.  I wish I'd gone to church with him at his church.

LDR's require a time investment and check out their friends. Visit alot.  Don't believe the things they say automatically over the phone or on the net, check out their home, family and friends. 

NoH8

Trust is a big factor for me in LDRs. I know I'd never just up and move across country- I'm way too practical for that. Rock I met a friend online and "knew" her for a few years. She came to visit and we had a fling and it turned out I didn't know her at all, including the little and big lies you talked about. Distance had been a hard thing for me-- over the past five years my 4 closest and longest friends have moved out of state and it's hard to keep up with them, let alone a lover. If everyone wasn't in opposite parts of the country I'd consider moving.

Skyrat

Amy - over 9 years ago I met my husband on the internet.  We lived 2,100 miles apart.  For 9 months we chatted online, talked on the phone, and sent letters.  During that 9 months, I had one picture of him.  I also used that time to compare conversations - not once did I find a lie.  Finally, I packed up my son and everything we could fit in a Geo Storm and moved to be with my husband.  This month we will celebrate our 9th anniversary.  I believe good people can be found - but I also believe in being very careful and taking time (and not internet time) to get to know the person.  One lie, and I would have not trusted my better half enough to make the move.  Now, after being diagnosed with Locally Advanced Stage IIIC breast cancer, he has proven himself once again to be a rock.  Good luck - but be careful.

NoH8

Wow Skyrat-- that's a wonderful story. You're so brave to take that plunge. Did you go visit him before you decided to move???

I usually have a good bsmeter-- especially now that I'm on the alert.

Skyrat

Amy - when I moved up here we had never met in person.  I had my 15 yr old son with me, whose opinion meant very much to me.  He was all for a move.  My husband met the son for the first time the day I pulled into the drive.  We had taken quite a bit of time to know each other - and like I said, I scrutinized every word he said to me.  I got very lucky.  This man has stood by me through troubles with my daughter (even to the point of bringing the daughter and 3 kids to live with us in 847 sq ft).  He was introduced to a lifestyle he would never have dreamed of.  After she took the kids and went back, he stood by me through the anguish of what the grandkids were going through.  He's stood by me through the son enlisting in the military, serving a year in Saudi Arabia, and winding up with crushed vertebra from a 40-ft fall during training.  Now he's standing by me through breast cancer.  How lucky can one person get! 

NoH8

You are so brave Skyrat. I admire your guts and williness to follow your heart (with your head doing the screening). I am in awe of you!

Skyrat

Amy - I wish you luck.  I believe when it's right, you will know it.

hollyann

I was in a 4 yr long distance relationship.  My husband and I met at a mutual friend's home in Tennessee.  I lived in Tennessee at the time and he lived here in Atlanta.  We have been married now for 21 1/2 years and we have a beautiful 16 yr old daughter.  He has stood by me in thick and thin, and we have kepy our vows of richer or porrer, in sickness and in health.  He has been my rock over the last yr and a half and will continue to be my best friend long after this terrible ordeal is over.

NoH8

It's so interesting to read your stories- particularly the successful ones. I'm also very glad for the ones that didn't work out, because I like to keep my heads out of the clouds and my feet firmly on the ground.  

suzanw

I met my partner after I moved to Florida from VT in 2001. I didn't know a soul in FL so went online hoping for a few friends...and wouldn't ya know, met the love of my life. Coincidentally we grew up 15 miles apart...our childhood in MA, then lived 40 miles apart for about 20 years in NH and VT, then lived 60 miles apart in FL...we have been together since Oct. 2001, and now live in the Pacific NW. We communicated by email and phone for about a month before we ever saw each other face to face. Wonders never cease!

NoH8

Suz, that's so uncanny, small world! This woman and I have a lot of uncanny things like you describe too.

How do you deal with living in FLA when they have so much legislation against gays?  Whenever I hear FLA my blood starts to boil since they don't allow gays to adopt.