My Sister My Friend & Cancer

Colleen2007

Hi There Brendast: My heart goes out to you. I went through this same experience back in the first week in January. My sister is now making her way through chemo, recently lost all her hair in one shower session, and had to rent out her condo to make ends meet.  I feel really, really bad for her. This may sound gruesome but we spoke on the phone for over an hour the other day and she laughed and joked about all her trials!  I am sure once you get through the initial pain, shock, diagnosis and being pissed off you then enter a stage of some normalcy. My sister tells me constantly that the family and friends who visit, call, write, send surprizes,etc. are what really gets her through all this.  I will see her in a couple weeks! My prayers are with your family tomorrow. This is the rough spot, having the surgery and the final diagnosis. Then the plan of action can go into effect.

Colleen

survivor95dl

Hello Colleen.  It is perfectly normal to be scared. I am a breast cancer survivor, 13 years, and I know exactly what your sister is going through. I also went through 6 mos of chemo. My sister was there for me all the way through the surgery and beyond.  She supported me which is what I needed, and your sister is going to need all the support she can get.  My sister went to the doctor's appointments with me and asked more questions than I did. And I asked alot.  All you can do is be there for her and support her, and listen to her. I read a book that was recommended to me by my surgeon.  It is called "Dr. Love's Breast Book - Susan M. Love, MD.  There is now a 4th edition.  I read an earlier one.  This book helped me so much to prepare me for my surgery because it gave me so much information that it really prepared me.  I called it my Breast Book Bible. I highly recommend it for your sister.  My prayers are with your sister and family. Just hang in there with here because it is a long journey but as  long as you are there for her it will be alright.  Take care.  If there are any questions you or your sister may have, feel free to contact me.  Debbie     reggaeforever@yahoo.com

hope4virginia

Last week we found out that my sister Virginia has stage III breast cancer,  to say the least it has been very difficult.  I am her older brother and I wish I knew how to help!  So far I have called her every day and just tried to listen, I have also offered to help in any way I can,  she just tells me that she will let me know.  Today she found out that the cancer was found in her lymph nodes,  and for the first time asked if I could be there this coming Tuesday when she goes back to the doctor.  Just tears me up inside when I talk to her,  and I try to stay strong,  I figure that it is the best way to give my support. 

Just keep praying that everything will be fine,  she has a very caring husband and 4 wonderful children.

BethNY

Reading this entire thread just makes my heart ache.  For me, I was the sibling with cancer.

My older sister and brother, and my younger brother are my world.  None of us have kids of our own yet (my olderst sister just turned 34)  so when I was diagnosed with cancer at age 26, I know it was so hard on them.

Looking back, sometimes I think it was easier to be the sick person, than the sibling.  I can't imagine just standing back, not being able to make it better, or take away the hurt and the pain.

All my siblings dealt with it differently.  My sister was with me bawling on the bathroom floor when my hair was falling out.  My brother moved a craftmatic adjustable bed into his house to take care of me after my bilateral mastectomies and free flap reconstruction, and he and my sister in law took care of me 24:7 for three weeks.

My little brother was across the country in TX, and he did what he could.  He ran a 5k for me, and was very knowledgable about all my chemo drugs, and surgeries-- and always asked intellectual questions.

I think the best thing you can do is just lend an ear.  And be present for the emotional roller coaster that is cancer.  In a few months I will reach my four year anniversary, and I can say that without my siblings... well I just don't want to think about that.

My sister shoveled 5 ft of snow after a blizzard to rush me to the ER with a temp of 104!  My brother was crying so much in the hospital that the nurse asked if I was his wife-- he said, no its my little sister.

All I can say to you guys is hang in there... and for you sisters-- make sure you are doing your BSE's and getting check ups-- make sure your GYN knows about your sisters diagnosis!  You have to realize that your chances for BC are increased b/c of your sister having it.  I tested BRCA negative, but my sister who is also negative has been closely monitored since my diagnosis.

I wish you all the best!

brendast

Hi Colleen,

How did it go with seeing and spending some time with your sister?  How is she getting along?  Have been thinking about you and wanted to see.  My sister starts her chemo on the 28th.  She is scared about how she will react to it, as are all of us.  She also found out she cannot have the short term radiation and has to have the long six wk one, so that is another issue.  I pray for her daily and all of you.

brendast

Dear Beth,

 How are you getting along?  Nice to hear from you.  My family is my life as well and if I was ever diagnosed, I know they would be there for me, as I am trying to be for my sister.  It is so hard not only being across the country, but not being able to "fix it", which is what I really want to do.  I have never felt so helpless in my life.  But, I have great friends that I lean on and keep me strong, so I can be strong for my sister.

brendast

Dear hope4virginia,

I will keep your sister and you in my prayers.  What an ugly word 'cancer' is. It is so hard to be the sibling and feel helpless, but know that you are never alone and all of us will support you on this site. Sometimes just being there for your sister and her family is enough and you don't need to say or do anything special. If you are close to your nieces/nephews and they are old enough, it might help to do some one on one time with them and let them talk, as I am sure they are scared.  Sometimes that's all it takes.  Hang in and know that I will keep praying.

Colleen2007

Hello "Brendast" and Others: The visit with my sister turned out to be so much fun for both of us! We were both afraid of how we would react.  She cried when she saw me, and I did too.  Probably within 1/2 hour she asked if she could show me her bald head.  Once we got that out of the way we were our old silly selves.  I rented a room in a luxury hotel for two nights.....my gift to her. We stayed up late, went out to dinner, laughed and laughed about friends and family! I did have to let her hold my arm sometimes to walk since the chemo has made her weak.  She had her last chemo yesterday, BUT now faces an entire summer of radiation therapy.  I teach, have the summers off, so will spend the entire month of July near her to help her with treatment.  When I came home my first day back to work I had to leave early and just sit at home and cry.  I want her to get better so badly!  She seems so frail.  A sibling is so precious, and sometimes it takes something like this to realize that. 

Colleen

Colleen2007

Hello "Brendast" and Others: The visit with my sister turned out to be so much fun for both of us! We were both afraid of how we would react.  She cried when she saw me, and I did too.  Probably within 1/2 hour she asked if she could show me her bald head.  Once we got that out of the way we were our old silly selves.  I rented a room in a luxury hotel for two nights.....my gift to her. We stayed up late, went out to dinner, laughed and laughed about friends and family! I did have to let her hold my arm sometimes to walk since the chemo has made her weak.  She had her last chemo yesterday, BUT now faces an entire summer of radiation therapy.  I teach, have the summers off, so will spend the entire month of July near her to help her with treatment.  When I came home my first day back to work I had to leave early and just sit at home and cry.  I want her to get better so badly!  She seems so frail.  A sibling is so precious, and sometimes it takes something like this to realize that. 

Colleen