Help...my 68-year old mom recently diagnosed

Sofie

Help...my 68-year old mom recently diagnosed

Sofie

Hi all,

So glad I found this forum on triple negatives. My 68 year old mom was diagnosed with triple negative BC yesterday (final pathologist report). She had a mastectomy done, clear margins, tumor was mixed - DCIS 1.6cm (high grade) and IDC 1cm (grade 3). She had sentinel node negative, and 6 lymph nodes from the mastectomy also negative, no distant metastasis found before surgery.

I went through hell these 2 months accompanying her for mammograms, ultrasound and core biopsy, almost died from the 10 days wait for the diagnosis only to be told by the doc that "your mom has breast cancer", then the second opinions and finally the surgery..its really tough when one is very close to our mothers and having to see them go through this... i had a short bout of mild depression a few weeks back, thankfully, with His strength and grace, have been able to pick myself up to be there for her...

I did not know that triple negative was so serious, only after reading through several internet articles did I realise that relapse rate is supposed to be higher than hormone positive cases. I really don't know how we would take it if mom had a recurrence but I am trying not to think too far ahead.

We are meeting the oncologist tomorrow and am expecting that he would recommend chemotherapy. My concern is that at my mom's age, is chemo and its side effect (and after effects) worth the minimal benefit? I really don't know what to do. Should I refuse chemotherapy and just let my mom be as she is now? I get so upset sometimes that I just want to cry, thinking of what she has to go through at this age...

Sofie

CaNatalie

Hi Sofie,

I am sorry to hear about your moms dx, but glad you found this site. It has saved me! I am also triple negative and in the middle of chemo. I have had it twice and found it much more tolerable than I expected.  I am only 27 years old, so I can't fully answer your question regarding chemo and age.  However, I do know how valuable the relationship between mother and daughter can be during this time. My mom has been my saving grace as I am sure you have been to your mom.

You will meet a lot of long term triple negative survivors on this site and along your way. Just the other day I was at UCLA (were I get my treatment) and the administrator for the patient resource center shared that she is a 12 year triple negative survivor. So, one thing that many women on this site have encouraged me to do is remember that triple negative is just a name and not to get to caught up in the statistics. Lots of warm thoughts going out to you and your mom!

Take care,

Natalie

rumoret

Sofie,

I responded to your private email. Remember older women get chemo and can do just as well as younger women. We are all different.

Love,

Terry 

Sofie

Dear Natalie,

Thanks for your encouragement and words. Guess we just have to squeeze all the negative thoughts into a corner and lock them up.

Dear Terry,

Thanks for the PM. Mom doesn't have a large social network and she's a homebody so I'm not sure how she's going to take the chemo. But your 80 yr aunt is truly inspirational!

________________ 

Oncologist has given us chemo as being optional (saying that mom is at stage 1). But the triple neg bugs me and i'm not sure if not doing chemo is a risk. Any thoughts anyone?

Sofie

chemo072

No help here except....one day at a time.  And at the same time, do everything you can to fight it.  How long do women in your family generally live?  Seems like a few months of chemo is worth a few years, or many years.  And there are gentler ways of doing chemo for women who are pregnant, maybe the same ways work for older women.  Not sure.

And take care of yourself - I know it's hell.  My mom had breast cancer 8 years ago, and it wasn't until I was diagnosed myself this year that I even was able to face my fears and find out what kind of cancer she had.  I was so, so scared when she was diagnosed, and beyond myself with grief about that - plus my grandma died on the same day she was diagnosed, so it was a hard hard time and I didn't deal with it well.  Not that there is a good way TO deal with it.  But taking good care of yourself is a good start.

What my dad said to me when I was diagnosed:  It's your journey, we can't take it for you, but our job is to be a witness and remind you that life is more than this, that cancer is not the whole of your life, and remember that now it's your turn, but then the wheel will turn and it'll be someone else's turn, and you can be there for them the way that we are for you now. 

Also my other grandma (not the one who died) and her 2 sisters both had breast cancer in their 80s.  My grandma only had to have radiation, but I think one of the other sisters had chemo and thought it was worth it. 

Sofie

^{Dear Amy,}

^{Thanks for sharing. It must have been terribly hard for you to handle both your mom's diagnosis as well as the passing away of your grandma. I can imagine the amount of stress and grief that you had to go through. What your dad said is true. Everyone has their own journeys, be it as a caregiver, as the victim or as loved ones. We all suffer and grieve in our own ways. But no matter which path, we have to try to learn to see/handle things in a positive way, its not easy but its the way to emotional recovery. They all say a healthy mind gives a boost to the physical body. I'm trying to drill that into my head as well.}

^{Mom decided to go for the chemo afterall. Said she couldn't live with the regret that if recurrence took place and that she did not give the chemo a shot when she had the chance. She had a first infusion of AC yesterday (her regime is a 4 cycle AC). Seems ok today, we are waiting for the SEs to kick in. Even bought a hair wig in preparation for the hair loss. Just gonna take things as they come.}

^Sofie

Shirlann

Hi honey, I am a Triple Negative, I was diagnosed 9 years ago and no one made too much of the Triple part, did not know a lot, I guess. I had a small cancer, no nodes, so only had a lumpectomy and radiation. I am still okay.

As they say, "So far, so good".



You probably have read the thread that says newer studies show that if you get through the first 2 to 3 years after diagnosis, the chances of recurrence is almost nothing. Unlike other forms of BC, which decline in a slower way.



So I would not get too upset over the Triple Neg part. Kinda seems like the newest buzzword. They didn't even know about it 15 years ago.



Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Renairis

Hi Sofie,

Just by the fact that you're on line searching for answers and direction for your mom shows how much you care and how concerened you are. Finding out that your mom has cancer comes as a shock to everyone. It takes time to accept this new reality, but I have found , from personal experience, that one gets used to the idea (not happy)to the reality. It always strikes me how so many people are in the oncology clinics and are going about "business as usual' even during chemotherapy. Life goes on , with a big additional weight, but it does go on, both for mothers and daughters. I find that it's best to talk about things and not hide information. It creates a closeness that helps thru these difficult times.

I think your mom made a wise decision to go for the chemo-esp. because she has triple negative and doesn't have the option of hormonal therapy for prevention.Knowing she has you by her side, is a tremndous source of support and a warm family can make the difference.

The next months ahead will have their moments ,but your mom herself said that she wouldn't be at peace with herself, if she didn't choose the option of chemotherapy. The way you live with your decisions is a key factor to general well being. We each have to weigh what's best for us!

Rena

Sofie

Shirlann : Thanks for the encouragement..yups I did read about the "pros" and "cons" of the triple neg. Very glad to know that you are doing so well. Hope my mom does too after the chemo 

Rena : Yup I agree totally, life goes on but with a big additional weight. Seems like happiness will never be like the way it was but we just have to learn to build on that. Mom's already almost kinda regretting the chemo, she didn't know it would be this bad (dizzy, nausea, loss of taste and appetite, sore throat, mouth ulcers). I did warn her before but reality takes on a different degree. Guess I just gotta keep encouraging her. 1 week down, 8 more to go!

Counting the days,

Sofie

jansdaughter

Sofie, I have been through this with my mother too.  There are drugs to help control the nausea, mouth ulcers, and other side effects.  Call your mother's onc and let them know what is going on so they can prescribe something.  My mom did lose weight on chemo because alot of food didn't taste good to her.  The food that did taste good, she ate lots of.....Just some helpful hints. 

Take care.  Dianne

Sofie

Thanks Dianne. Will indeed ask the doc for a few more days of nausea meds...

Counting the days,

Sofie