don't know what to look for?

aqhaguy1

don't know what to look for?

aqhaguy1

My mothers sister just had both breasts removed 2 weeks ago, my grandmother had breast cancer and surgery and lived for 5 years after "she died in 1988", she also had osteoporosis.  ok so basically for at least 6 months, my mom has kept herself hidden in her bedroom, when she comes out of the room her hand always has her shirt over her mouth, I can visibly see the osteo, aunt lost almost 60 pounds before diagnosed, my mom has visible osteo, and has lost atleast 60 pounds both are 5'1 and probably weighed about 225 or so not sure since weight is so touchy but the weigh loss is very noticable .I only get to go home every couple of months because job and of course the cost.  How would i be able to know or my sisters if she's not willing to go to the doctor I was home this past weekend it had been 4 mths since i was home last i knew something was wrong immediately when i saw her I couldn't look at her for long I was at the house for probably 15 min. and had to leave to go somewher alone to cry. my mom is 56, and aunt is 55. ? 

iodine

Hi guy, I am not sure that you will be able to accomplish anything until your mom agrees to go to a doctor to be examined. 

We can't offer you symptoms of breast cancer unless you can see a breast.  You say you can see the osteo?  Does that mean her height has changed or her posture, or her walk?  I'm not clear on that.

There is excellent treatment for osteo nowadays. 

You mom may have more than a physical problem if she is keeping to herself in her room all the time.  I'd say a psychological problem may be her main problem a this time.

Please know that even if you cannot get home as often as you'd like, unless you or your siblings are willing to physically carry your mom to a doctor, there is little you can do other than to let her know how much her condition worries you and how you wish she would get seen by doctor.

I am so sorry you and your family are having to go thru this.  It is so difficult when those you love choose not to take care of themselves.

Shirlann

Hi, as Iodine says, there is not a lot you can do unless your mom is willing to help herself.

It is a shame because bc treatment is about 90% completely curable, better rate than diabetes or heart disease.  But women of her generation, before mammo's, etc., have this ingrained fear that is hard to dislodge.  When I was a young woman, we talked about breast cancer in whispers.

So, what to do?  I would get Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book so you will be pretty well informed. 

And I would bet the weight loss, at least hopefully, is just stress.  She needs to hear you say, "I don't want to lose you, so for my sake, let's go see what is going on".  So many of us get well.  This is tragic.

I am 9 years post treatment, and almost all of us will live out our lives.  The old bug-a-boos are hard to get rid of.

Good luck, keep trying, Shirlann

aqhaguy1

I'm not totally sure if its osteo, she's just beginning to resemble my grandmother she has shrunk, and her back and shoulders look very strange.  I can understand it being depression, I'm just concerned because I know how heavily it runs in her family.  Basically all but 1 of her mothers sisters, one neice, a sister, and 2 cousins.  The depression is probably also its her only sister, plus her brother was diagnosed with advanced skin cancer in july. We did try the we don't want to lose you, but it didn't work. I think I was just hoping someone out there may have information for those of us that have bc in our families.  

Thanks

Scott

Shirlann

Hi Scott, the plain truth is, it is hard to MAKE someone go for an exam or treatment.  But one thing you can sure do, and I wish I had done with my mom.  Tell her you need her.  Tell her you have been on the Internet and dozens of women are fine after treatment.  See what happens.

If she flat refuses treatment, then, put your arms around her, tell her you know she will be just fine, but tell her how much you love her.  This is so sweet to hear from grown children.  I didn't say this to my mom, I was afraid I would scare her.  Big mistake.  Just say, "I am sure you will be fine, but I wanted to take this quiet opportunity to tell you how much I love you, how special you made my birthdays and Christmas, and how the vacations, etc. (you can fill in what fits) and how much you want her to stay here with you".

If your mom is willing, they have wonderful, life altering anti-depression drugs now that will change her life, cancer or no cancer.

I am a life long depressive, as was my mom her mom and my one son.  And I am here to tell you that these drugs are a gift from God, whatever she decides to do about the rest of her health issues.

I am sorry that this nasty disease has possibly gotten into your family.  There is not a lot that you can do if your mom flat refuses to go to the doctor.  This is a long and sloow, and nasty journey.  The results are often very good, but it takes a lot of "guts" to get through this whole thing.

But do remember, with this heavy cancer family situation, make sure the "younger" women (cousins, etc.) get BRCA gene testing, this will tell if they have this one breast cancer gene, and then they will be checked more often.

But even for the men, and I mean this, get a colonoscopy NOW, check your PSA for Prostate cancer, don't smoke, drink little.  You need to be especially careful too.

Good luck to you and God bless you in this so difficult time.

I am so sorry, Shirlann

msannie57

Depression itself can cause the kind of weight loss you are describing.  Is there anyone else who can help you get her to the doctor?  My aunt went through this in her 60s--her kids physically got her and took her to the physician to get her evaluated and then on antidepressants.