how do I cope.

Pheebsforthecure

how do I cope.

Pheebsforthecure

Hi, I am new to this forum. Realize that I need some advice or support from others that are going through similar circumstances.

I am a young adult. And I lost my mom to bc last Feb. She had bc diagnosed 14 years ago and it came back 3 years ago. She had a lumbar fusion operation done within those three years, she was on arimidex and as well another hormonal therapy drug.. and during the last year she was on navelbine (which she really liked). she was quite healthy for the first 2 years and then she unfortunately had a fall and was in the wheelchair the last year. Through it all she was strong and positive.. she truly loved life. She was my best friend and was everything to me. I was her caregiver for her last 3 years.. those years were filled with happiness and as well.. anxiety as I knew I was going to lose her soon.. 

Now that she is gone, I feel so depressed.. I do not know what to do.. or to feel.. some days I feel relieved that she has passed.. ..  then most days I feel that her passing is surreal.. reality has certainly shifted for me.. 

I do not know if I should go on anti-depressants.. or just go through the motions and it will get better on its own..  

I hope some of you will shed some light and give me some advice or some support.

Thank you for your time . I really appreciate it. 

Jen44

Pheebsforthecure - If you feel like you need anti-depressants then I would certainly talk to your doctor about it.  I lost my mom to lung cancer 14 yrs ago.  I still have days of depression.  It use to drive me nuts when people would say "Well at least you were ready for it".  How can you ever be ready for loosing someone that means so much to you.  I can say that the pain does get easier to cope with, but for me it has never completely left.  No one but you knows if you need additional help dealing with this loss.  If you do then I would get it.  I think it takes more strength to admit you need help and do something about it than it does to ignore it.  Don't be to hard on yourself.  You have had great lose and it takes time.  God bless and I will be praying for you.

Jenny

Pheebsforthecure

Jenny,

 

I agree with what you said about how it annoys you when people would say you had time to prepare for the loss. I think it is difficult to talk to others who do not know how it feels to lose someone really close.. I actually only have a few people in my life that can relate to my loss.

Thanks for your advice. I will be seeing a counsellor on tuesday and hopefully she/he will suggest if I need anti-depressants or not. I will also talk to my doctor about it.  

Thanks for your prayers

Kingpin

Hey Guys,

  

Grieving is a natural process, for us men we supress it to a point, but we let it out on our terms. I have seen first hand what happens when a daughter loses her mother that she is very close to. My mother-in-law died 9 years ago and to this day, when something comes up that remindes my wife of her Mom and she breaks down. Hopefully you have support at home that will help, but losing a mom just sucks. 

Shirlann

For goodness sakes, try the anti-depressives.  When you get to feeling better, you can sloowly get off them.  They are a miracle.

There is no need to suffer like this.  No need.  Help is just a doctor's visit away.  (however, these drugs take 3 to 6 weeks to work)

If you don't like them, or they don't work for you, or don't agree with you, you can stop them.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Pheebsforthecure

Hi Shirlann,

Thanks for the advice . I just went to see the counsellor this past week and if that is not going to help I will definetly try anti-depressants.

msannie57

Consider trying to locate a group for those who have lost loved ones.  They can be great if you are a "group" person.  You might need antidepressants as well but don't go for that first thing, unless your therapist recommends it.  It is normal to be sad when a loved one dies.  Your therapist will be able to discuss abnormal signs of grieving and that is when antidepressants should be considered.  Reach out to those around you and let them know how you feel.

Pheebsforthecure

Hi Msannie57,

I agree, I should be in a group for those who lost loved ones. I will try to find another group online that might be more suitable for me.

Thanks for your advice on anti-depressants .