My mother

Lindarom

My mother

Lindarom

I was looking for some advice.  My mother just reached her five year mark of surviving cancer.  For the past five years I believe that she was living for that day.  I think that she felt that when she reached that day, things would be different, she would experience some sort of relief or closer to the fear of getting it back.  My father is being very patient, but because she is so depressed right he doesn't know what to do.  I realize that I'm not in the support for families section, but I was wondering if, since you have been through it, you had any suggestions.  I was thinking of possible sending her to one of these chat rooms, but I have heard mixed opinions on them making people more depressed.

silvergirl9114

I am only 2 years out but I can make a guess concerning your Mom's reaction to reaching the 5 year mark. During the past five years she has had very active support and treatment and that will be lessening to a great degree. She won't be seeing her docs as often and will probably be stopping adjuvent therapy---tamoxifen, aromitase inhibitors---whatever she has been taking up to this point. She is probably stressed out because she feels like her security blanket is going away. We all feel something very similar when we get dropped off the conveyer belt of really high profile testing and treatment right after diagnosis.



Can she talk to you about her feelings? Would she consider going to a counselor who specializes in cancer patients? We all look forward to that magical five year mark but the fear of recurrence never leaves any of us completely.

NoH8

A lot of people believe that after 5 years we're "cured" and the cancer won't come back, but that's not true. What's true is the cancer can come back at any time. When a person tells herself, I'll feel better when X happens, then when X happens and she doesn't feel better, she might crash emotionally. This isn't unique to cancer patients. It sounds like your mom might be clinically depressed and could benefit from therapy. Her oncologist likely has a social worker in the office, who can help with that as well as any psychologist or clinical social worker. Her medical doctor or oncologist can also steer her in the right direction.

Therapy and medication helped me most. While I tried also getting support from other survivors, at times that made me more depressed because my problems are more about internal issues than the cancer. Maybe send her to the message board before she tries out the chatroom so she can get her feet wet.

Good luck finding something that helps.