Best Friend Told Me He Thinks I

shorfi

Best Friend Told Me He Thinks I

shorfi

like being "fondled"...because he says that I am always in the doctor's office getting examined. Needless to say, I was livid at that statement. He feels that everytime HE talks to me that I am always in the doctor office for something...and that I like it. I am 3 years out and yes it does seem like I am always seeing the doctor (surgeon, oncologist, radiation oncologist), routine family doctor, but I don't just make up this stuff. I am just starting to see my medical oncologist every 6 months instead of every 2 months now. The radiation oncologist once a year and my surgeon every 6 months. They are very viligent about staying on top of my care and I appreciate that. I guess it does seem much, getting mammograms every 6 months, then MRI, bone scans, tumor markers, etc. Also, I was scheduled to have surgery for carpal tunnel, but I canceled that, because I am so sick and tired of being "CUT" all the time. Instead, I will be injected via ultrasound guidance, which eliminates the surgical route.

Sorry for rambling, but his statement angered me. Just wanted to vent because I think you ladies understand about all the appointments...and how this "beast" is the gift that keeps on giving

lvtwoqlt

How insensitive of your friend.  Maybe he should try going through all this h**l of Breast Cancer and see that the appointments are not a pleasurable experience. By keeping on the active track of appointments you are covering all your bases to keep this beast from returning.

Sheila

Anonymous

What a goober!

nosurrender

I hope he never has a problem with his prostate... think of the payback!

Sorry you had to "hear" that side of him.

Hugs to you,

g 

NoH8

If your best friend hurt your feelings, tell him. People aren't mind readers and I doubt he intentionally set out to say something that you found distasteful. Some people take certain things said harder than others. What bothered you might not bother me and vice versa. I would have probably played along and laughed if he had said it to me, because I think I said something similar myself about my own appointments. I laughed through cancer, because it made me feel seriously, even though I took it very seriously. It's ok that you didn't find it funny, but you can't expect him to know how you're react if you don't tell him when something bothers you.

prayrv

shorbr,

Just remember, he's a man and what do they know?!  A goober, dufus and some other names I can't mention.  May he get a colonoscopy without anesthiesa (spelling)!  Kidding (?) aside, I hope he realizes that he offended you and everyone else who has breast cancer and makes amends to you. 

Trish

shorfi

FYI-My best friend is gay...I thought I needed to mention that because it is unusual for a man and woman to be best friends. We have been friends over 30 years, and he has seen my ups and downs with marriage, cancer and my only son who started giving me problems at the age of 19. He will be 21 next month and lives with his dad, and doing soooooo much better.

Ok, I digressed. We normally kid with each other, but sometimes I don't think he knows what to say out of his mouth. I did mention to him that I was offended, and he said laughing, "I can always turn your buttons". Well he did. We joke a lot, but I didn't fnd that funny at all.

shorfi

And he is a goober. Prior to me getting diagnosed in 2004 I went with him for his colonoscopy and he had 5 polyps (benign) removed. He was such a baby about it.

Shirlann

Well first of all, that was a STUPID, CRUEL thing to say. But, having said that, it sounds like you two have a long, loving, kidding relationship. He stepped over the line, but if you were not so vulnerable, you MIGHT have laughed with him.



After this ghastly experience, our feelings are on our sleeves. I don't mean he was correct in his questionable humor, but it sounds like you two have been through a lot together.



So just forgive him, I am sure he is sorry and surprised you did not think this was funny. (It wasn't)



Hugs, Shirlann

Anonymous

PinkRibbonAmy .. you're kidding right?

Shorbr .. So sorry you had to hear that.  What an insensitive, cruel thing to say.  You are completely justified to be angry.  Someone shouldn't have to be a mind reader to know how improper that statement was.  Hugs to you.

NoH8

Shorbr- one of my best friends is a straight guy!

Angel, no I'm not kidding. You should have heard the chemo room roaring at my breast cancer jokes and telling their own. I believe laughter is the best medicine. It helped me feel a lot better, because before cancer I joked around about most things and I didn't want to be treated any differently during or after cancer. It was important for me to still be me, and laughing at the irony of life was and is part of it. I would have hated if my friends and loved ones felt like they had to walk on egg shells or treat me differently because of that.

marshakb

PRAmy, that's all nice and good for you but we aren't talking about you and how you would handle anything.  It was Shorbr who felt the need to vent here with other BC gals who would understand her feelings. 

And in the grand scheme of things, who cares about your opinion???

Anonymous

Since all individuals are unique souls, what may not bother one person may be something that would hurt another person's feelings.  As individuals, we are all entitled to our feelings and one should never condescend that another's 'feelings' are of no consequence since that episode is not something that would offend us.

People's feelings and their right to have those feelings should be acknowledged and accepted.  Each of us brings our own life experiences to each situation. 

It is incumbent on us to offer support and understanding to all sisters and to accept our differences in a gentle and loving manner knowing that each of us experiences life in a unique and individual way.

Anonymous

I'm thinking that this is yet another example of how we who are 'in' on this experience feel as though its' okay for one of us to make a comment like that, but it's somehow offensive when an 'outsider' does it. With me, it just doesn't feel right when even the closest friend or family member kids me about anything related to my cancer. It's maybe even a little like belonging to some special ethnic or religious group and being okay with jokes told among members, but very not okay for those outside.

In any event, shorbr, I completely understand your feelings and response. And it's hard to say to someone close that discussing your medical stuff is off-limits, but maybe you need to do that.

As an aside, I thought from your opening line, that this topic was gonna be a bit juicier and my first thought was...'Yes, I like to be fondled too!'

~Marin

Anonymous

PRAmy, I think most people should know that such a comment is distasteful and improper without being mind readers.  How do you know anyway if he set out to do it intentionally or not, which is hardly the point.  Do you know him?   It's not funny in the least and she shouldn't have to tell him that.  I'd hardly call that making him walk on egg shells.  Besides, she wasn't asking for your opinion.  She came here to vent and should be able to do so without your unsolicited psychobabble.

FitChik ... I have to disagree that a comment like that would be okay coming from someone "in" on this experience.  If a BC sister said that to me it would still tick me off.

NoH8

Since Angel removed the part of her post where she asked me if I was serious, i can see where you wouldn't understand where my comment was coming from Marsha.

Angel42 you have a habit of doing that so in the future I'd appreciate you not referring to me in your replies.

Anonymous

PRAmy, what the hell are you talking about?  I didn't remove that, look again.  You're looking at my second post that I edited simply for grammar, etc.  So Marsha perfectly understands where your comment is coming from Amy.

I have no such habit of doing that and you're grasping now ...

Anonymous

I don't see that Angel edited a post?  I scrolled back and her post is the same.

<edited to change the verb 'are' to 'is'.  Honest, that's all I changed >

NoH8

This was from earlier this morning always hope. She said that she couldn';t believe I was serious in my response, in her own special way. You have a choice whether or not to mark your post as edited. I edited my grey's anatomy post twice and it doesn't show.

Anonymous

btw, PRA, don't you think Marsha was referring to your response to Shorbr, not your response to me?  What does my comment to you have to do with it?  Absolutely nothing.

NoH8

Angel, I'm not going to get into this with you on the boards, the moderators can straighten it out. Please do not address me again or I will consider that to be harassment. Will you please put me on your block list so we don't continue to have the problem we had a few months ago?

Anonymous

You have a choice whether or not to mark your post as edited.

I don't think you have that choice anymore with the new board software.  Unless I've missed the option.  All I see is 'include Signature', 'Submit', and 'Cancel.'

NoH8

All I know is that I editted my grey's anatomy post twice today and it doesn't show that I did...

Anonymous

That's interesting.  Did you click on a button or checkbox to do that?  I know on the old software you could choose that but I haven't found it on the new.

Anonymous

PRAmy ... IT'S STILL THERE!  IT SAYS "YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?"  This is the first I heard that you can have a choice in showing posts as edited and you better stop slandering me.  I'm going to the moderators because this is ridiculous.  Oh, btw, you edited too!  Your post was edited a minute after you posted!  You better stop that!

Anonymous

I think it's clear who is being harrassed here.  Nice try PRAmy.  Beat you to it though.

marshakb

PRAmy, I read Angels post before she edited it.  

I'll admit I am having trouble picturing you as the commediene in the chemo room as I have yet to find anything you write to be be humorous or funny.   Maybe you are funnier in person.  I would say insensitive and cruel are better adjectives to describe almost every post from you.  Maybe you don't realize you come across that way?  Do you tell your patients to just laugh it off?  

bearlysane111

shortbr, 

No,I don't find that amusing abt being fondled and the onc's off is the last place I would visit if it were not necessary. The way I interpreted your question was were your feelings being validated by your friend? I may be incorrect here;however,that was my take on your post.

My opinion is that was an insensitive remark especially from a long-time friend. I switched med oncs, at the cancer ctr, as I had a remark made by my onc that I felt was insensitive. We are all human and this is a tough journey; some of us are at different places emotionally. I joke and clown around,too. About my medical visits-no,I don't find them very humorous. We are all different and unique beings and I expect the respect that I give to others and the courtesy. This is one reason this is such a great outlet as we see many different perspectives and viewpoints. I find that caustic humor is never funny especially when it is directed at another person. Again,JMO,as this is my take on the discussion and I feel you were justified to feel hurt.

Iris

PS...OK-I wanted to see if this is edited;learning the new features,I hope

Anonymous

Ya know, some people are just plain ignorant (stupid!).  It is not funny that we have these visits.  Oh, how I wished I liked to be fondled. LOL  I can't even imagine WHY he would say such a thing.  Is it because you had BREAST cancer?

I had an MRI of the brain.  Yes, they found it FINALLY.  Anyway, I called to report to my brother what the results were.  He was just recently dxd small vessel disease.  Well, instead of mets it was small vessel disease that they found in my brain.  My (stupid) SIL had to make sure she REMINDED me that it can cause dementia.  DUH!!!

My (stupid) SIL also told my brother that a doctor where she works (in a nursing home...I don't have much faith in those doctors) said that to make his memories now because he only had 2 - 3 years to live!  I was livid!  For one thing, it's not true.

So, shorbr, some people are just stupid, insensitive, stupid idiots (oops, I already said stupid).  And you do have a right to your feelings and your friend should apologize. 

Shirley

lv2cmp

Shorbr so sorry you had to deal with a question like that.  It goes to show, gay or straight, that some guys dont think.  Maybe he was trying to be funny who knows and who cares.  It hurt your feelings and that is what matters.  You should be able to come here and vent all you want without being told you are in the wrong for your feelings that you are having.  I dont see anywhere on your post that you were asking for if you were correct in feeling this way, you were simply expressing your anger which is great.  So sorry some people feel like they need to come on here and be the resident psychologist.

Amy

ok mine will show edit because I wanted to see if we really could mark as unedited like we used to.  I dont see it anywhere.  Things that may you go hmmmmm.