not doing well.....and

momtoangels

........really not sure where to turn anymore.  i am so very very weary.  so exhausted that putting one foot in front of the other feels like too much anymore.  i am not suicidal, just worn out from life.  last night my constant prayer was "heal me or take me home" and i do not mean heal me from the cancer, i mean heal me from despair and bring me peace.  i am so weary.  may god and our angels be with us all, day after day and moment by moment.  diana

Bren-2007

Dear Diana,

I took the liberty of reading a bit of your history. It seems now that your lovely daughter is married and you've made a decision about your treatment, all the emotions of the past 3 months have set in. It's so normal.  When we are diagnosed and have so many other things going on in our lives, our adrenaline is in super high gear. Then when the events pass, and things are quiet ... look out, exhaustion, floods of emotions, weariness and sadness can come flooding in.  Despair is a perfect word to describe the feeling of being diagnosed with bc.  Some of that comes from a feeling of having no control over our situation.

I think once you begin the process of being treated, you will start to feel better.  I know I did.  As soon as I had my lumpectomy I felt better. My SNB was at the time of my lumpectomy.  My doctor was able to tell if my nodes were positive before I was discharged from my lumpectomy procedure.  So that was a huge relief for me. 

I want you to know that you aren't alone.  I've felt the way you do so many, many times.  Check to your left and to your right, that's where your angels are today.

Love,

Brenda  

momtoangels

thank you brenda.  i have been through so much worse than this in the past 7 years, especially with the loss of my darling daughter (she was killed by a drunk driver 7 years ago).  and my husband with leukemia and almost died 5 years ago, and my youngest daughter ill for almost 3 years, and much much more, so in many ways this (bc) feels like a walk in the park. however with each thing i have gone through i am also more and more depleted too.   in addition my husband is now being tested again for something going on with his blood counts again.  and yes, i work full time (need insurance!!) so am totally exhausted.  i do hope you are right though and i feel better after the surgery (oct 15th). 

just more worried about getting through this day and this week.  (my daughters wedding reception is this coming weekend and i had hoped to bake a wedding cake for her, but wont be able to do that and it makes me so sad).  thank you again for caring. diana

msphil

Hello sweetie, I too felt like u at on time but then I had my cry and deciced to fight for my life. I started to pray to God to give more FAITH and more HOPE. As I did I did indeed get more of each and I fought that devil that was trying to take my life, and I am now 14 yrs cancer free this December so hang in there and keep PRAYING and stay POSITIVE it got me through. I,m now going through some heart problems, I have a Pacemaker and I still feel blessed I,m Still HERE. God Bless us All. msphil

spar2

Diana, just letting you know i am praying for you, for peace of mind and body, for strength and wisdom, hope and love.  You have been through so much.  God bless you.  sherry

momtoangels

((((((((sherry)))))))))) yes and thank you for your powerful and loving words.  today the strength and peace is returning.  i feel life flowing through me once again.  i am so thankful for earth angels like you.  diana