Terrified but grateful

hopefulkristina

At 44 I was diagnosed with a form of breast cancer that normally hits woman over 65. It is called mucenous carcinoma and after a succesful lumpectomy with cleaar lymph nodes I begin A C Chemo followed by radiation. I feel very fortunate but am terrified about starting the chemo. I have very long hair and have been told to cut it off before it falls out. I am so scared right now and am just looking to talk to other women going through it. Thanks, Kristina

EachDay

I think everyone is just that little bit afraid of chemo, mostly from what we would have heard about it from others or seen on tv...and rarely, if ever, is having chemo portrayed as something positive.  Your experience with it will be your own...go into it with open eyes and an open mind.  Know that it is going to be strong, it will kill cancer cells and healthy cells and that you are fighting this disease with a very strong armful of ammunition.

 That said, you have very long hair and have been told to cut it off before chemo.  The fact is, with AC you will lose your hair.  It generally starts to come out around day 14.  As hard as it is to lose your hair, do your best to remind yourself that these drugs are working to give you the best possible chance at more years of life.  And hair will grow back.  You can play around with great wigs, you can discover a "face" you haven't seen for awhile and discover the woman who is behind the hair.  And if you make the decision to cut most of the hair before it comes out on it's own, there is a sense of ownership and empowerment about it, rather than feeling "victimized" about the loss.

It's a really tough road to walk down Kristina...but know this.  You can do it.  And you will.

If you want to talk to others who are going through chemo at the same time and what they are experiencing, go to the forum about chemotherapy in this "section" of the board. 

Positive thoughts to you my dear.

Anonymous

Hey Kristina - welcome. I was 37 when I was diagnosed, and one of my tumors was the same kind as yours. I do believe you are the first person I've met with the same kind. Unfortunately I had IDC and DCIS too.

Anyway, chemo is scarry - but I can honestly say that it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I had long hair and got it cut short the week before I started chemo. Then, when it started falling out I had my husband buzz it really short. It just made the whole thing easier to deal with. Much better (in my opinion) than watching it go strand by strand.

Take a look at the going through chemo board and see if you can find a group that is starting the same month as you.  Best wishes. 

hopefulkristina

Thank you both so much. I am looking for friends here. Although I am truly blessed with amazing people in my life I have learned it is easy for other people to say it is just hair Kristina, it will grow back. Yes I don't like the fact that I am going to lose it, but am well prepared, I spent a thousand dollars last moth on 3 beautiful wigs, hats and scarves. Forget the hair I am over it. I am however in a high powered sales position and have to try to work as much as possible and am frightened of the "not knowing." One thing Ihave learned on these boards is chemo affects everyone differently. I am just blessed that I know I will be cured with this treatment. My heart breaks reading so many of your stories with people who have it so much worse than I do. I cried yesterday reading and felt like I was a big sucky baby. I guess I just needed to have a little pity party to which I guess occasionally I am entitled right? God Bless you all and thanks for your comforting words.....:)

portiasproudmom

Hi Kristina.  Don't feel like you have to apologize for having a "pity party".  It's so much healthier to let it out than hold it in.  I've done pretty well (thank God for antidepressants), but sometimes I still break down and have a good cry.  I always feel better afterward.  This is a really sucky disease.  It's scary as heck!!  You'll find that coming here and chatting with these wonderful ladies is so helpflul.  I have a really great family and wonderful friends.  Everyone has really rallied around me and I've never felt so loved.  However, none of them can honestly say they know what I'm going through because they haven't.  It helps so much talking with ladies who've been there and done that--or are STILL doing that.  I had my lumpectomy on Sept. 6 (IDC, Stage Ic, Grade 3, ER+/PR+).  I'll be getting my port soon--hopefully within the next two weeks) and then I start my 8 cycles of TAC and after that 33 sessions of radiation with a couple of boosters to my incision area.  How fun that you've already purchased wigs, hats and scarves.  I have a friend (and fellow bc surviver) who lives in Australia.  She sent me her wig.  I'm anxiously awaiting it's arrival.  I plan to purchase one more for variety.  I also ordered several scarves and hats the other day.  It was sort of fun picking them out.  As for my own personal hair situation, I had shoulder length hair until 10 days ago.  As soon as I found out for sure that I was going to need chemo, I had it cut REALLY short.  I was a little self-conscious of it at first, but I'm adjusting.  I may shave it off completely after my first cycle of chemo.

Take care, Kristina.  You'll have lots of support here.  Keep posting.  There are some great ladies at the October 07 thread of the Chemotherapy board.  You should check it out if you haven't already done so.

Hugs,

Karen

hopefulkristina

karen,

How do I get to that board????? And do you have an email? I will send you all my pretty hats and scarves when I am done!

hopefulkristina

Hi Ladies Happy October!