jealous at work

florencedonna

We had a retreat at work today.  We went around in a circle and explained how we got into the field and where we see ourselves going professionally.  I got overwhelmed when my coworkers talked about choices they made and about plans for the future.  sadness that I can't talk about my plans for the future with the ease they have.  sadness that I've had to consider my health when making decisions about my profession. sadness that things have happened to me that I didn't choose.

it didn't help that I am coming up on two year anniversary of diagnosis (10/10/2005)

I am doing well (so far).

Donna

MrsBee

{{{{{{{{{{Donna}}}}}}}}}}

I don't know what it is about the two-year anniversary, but mine has been tough for me too.  I was diagnosed 8/11/05.

We will get through it, and we'll be okay.

We've got your back too, girlfriend! 

fire

Congratulations on 2 years Anniversary!

EachDay

The 2 year anniversary is something to celebrate ~ congratulations!

As for the jealousy about not being able to think into the future, about plans, we all get that.  It's a reality of what our lives are now. It's in situations like this that we are faced again with our reality.  We can put it "aside" from time to time and not think about it, but when it is called forward like that, it's smack dab in the middle of "everything".

Feel that emotion, feel that sadness and sorrow.  You've earned the "right" to that.  And then pick yourself up and get back to living your wonderful life.

And think on this ~ while all those you work with were probably thinking about big career plans and moves and how they were going to climb the ladder so that they could purchase multitudes of useless "things", you have the benefit of being able to look into a future of what today might be, what tomorrow could be, knowing that having a career and climbing a ladder are only a small part of what makes life worth living, that you don't need to make a mark in the world of being "somebody" because you are already somebody and you've had to face more challenge and struggle than quite possibly anyone else who was in that room.  You've climbed a mountain already and they're still working on a hill.

Hope you're feeling more joy and less sadness as the day moves on.

hooptiedoo

Just remember that their futures may seem assured, but there are no guarantees for any of us. That's why I go ahead and plan for the future -- I just might actually get to see it. And if I don't, well, all those plans won't matter much then anyway, will they?

CindyZY

Donna, One of my favorite quotes "Life is what happens while you're making plans." Congrats on two years!

Cindy

ADK

Donna,

Not that I wish this on anyone, but even though your co-workers easily spoke of their future plans, any one of them could be hit by a bus tomorrow.  None of us really knows what the future holds, so, you should be making plans for your life the same as your co-workers with the same ease.  I am planning on meeting up with a truck in my 90's.  It's how a great uncle of mine went - he had the tickets for his cruise in his pocket and he was 93.  The regretful thing was that it happened before the cruise.

Valsul

Donna, I had dinner with a colleague whom I don't really know and what little I did know I didn't like.  We were on a business trip together and so we were forced to share our evening meal together too.

During the evening I found that he is a very kind, amiable and funny man.  He laughed at himself and made funny but affectionate comments on our co-workers.

The big thing that really moved me was when he said that he held me in great admiration for the battle I had waged against bc and the tough challenges that had been faced by me and won through.  I told him that, like all of us bc gals as Shirlann calls us, I just dealt with what was immediately ahead of me,step by step.  He reassured me that those little steps had made a heroic journey.

So Each Day is quite right about a mountain when others are still walking the hills.  But don't be put off making plans.  They are part of the fun of life so don't give up on it no matter what.  Even people who don't have bc have their plans thwarted so it's just part of living to have to deal with disappointments.

But I know your pain and send you a loving hug to get you through.  There will always be such days that bring you back to bc with a resounding thud, and we will always be here to catch you, dust you down and set you on your road again.  That heroic road that we are all taking.

Loving hug

Valerie S

Valsul

Anne, Love that "meeting the truck in your 90s."   My aunt had bc and a mastectomy when she was in her forties and went on to die at 96 when she fell out of bed and broke her hip.  From the time she was in her sixties she took on a new lease of life and visited her sister in Australia on whim.  "Hello, Margaret, it's me Teresa and I'm at the airport. Can you come and get me?" She'd flown from the UK!

Pity he didn't make the cruise.

Shirlann

Hi dear, this is so hard. But my mom's best friend had a double mastectomy for breast cancer in 1958. We all felt so sorry for her, because back then, BC was spoken of in whispers. All they had was Cobalt.



Fast forward, she is now 96, lives alone, plays contract bridge and is just fine. My mom, had a stroke at 84 and passed away. I still find this woman encouraging, every time I see her, I feel better.



There are thousands of us out here who have been treated and are well. We all know this thing can come back, but I am nearly 9 years post treatment and truly have moved on and don't worry nearly as much as I did the first few years after.



So just know, you too have a future. Anyone of us can step in front of a truck, who would have ever dreamt that Lady Diana would go when she did? No one has any guarantees, and this feeling of impending doom will lessen with time.



Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Anonymous

You ladies are great.  You are always so encouraging and bring things back into proper perspective.  We go through the "what ifs" and then we sometimes forget about the "what ifs" until something else comes around and makes our imagination go wild.  However, we all know to well that it is a normal part of our new life.

I found this inspirational statement at my cancer center while getting chemo.  I liked it and had to copy it and I'm gonna share it.

"Nobody trips over mountains.  It is the small pebbles that causes you to stumble.  Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find that you have crossed mountains."...Unknown

Shirley

Catherine

I loved your story, Valerie.  That is what life is all about, sharing our experiences with others.

Catherine

florencedonna

Thank you to everyone. 

Today, the day after the retreat, I was sharing my angst with a coworker.  She opened up that she is having a biopsy of a breast lump on September 28.  She has a bad feeling it is cancer.  She told me that seeing how well I've done helps her be less afraid.  Please say a little prayer that she doesn't have cancer.

thank you,  donna