How long to get back?

Fireweed

I just got an email from my boss setting an appointment to talk about my performance at work. This is perfectly justified - I am tired, irritable, forgetful, and can't seem to concentrate. I have very limited leave time and took only three days off for surgery and five for the five day course of rads. I'm exhausted. But I haven't had chemo or tamoxofen and have no obvious reason to be functioning so poorly.
Right now I'm 12 weeks from diagnosis, 10 from surgery, and 4 from rads.
I think I should be performing better at work by now. What do you think? What should I tell my boss? (I'm not a problem employee and have always had glowing evaluations.)

Bren-2007

Holy Smokes Fireweed,
You're 3 months post diagnosis, 2 1/2 months post surgery and 1 month post rads! I think that pretty well explains why you're a little tired. Your expectations for where you'd like to be functioning right now are admirable, but possibly not 100% realistic.

Please have some grace for yourself, as I imagine your boss will too, if you explain the trauma your body has been through in such a short period of time. Fatigue from radiation can last for weeks after treatment has ended. It is an enormous drain physically on our bodies.

It seems you may be exhausted by the physical, mental and emotional strain of the last 3 months.

It just takes time to get back to baseline. After I completed radiation it took me 2 1/2 months to have my full strength back, and I still get tired sometimes.

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You've been through a lot lately. Since you've always been such a great employee, maybe if you just tell your boss you're still recovering from treatment and are concerned about your performance as well, the two of you can work out a plan of action for your workload while your continue to recover.

Your boss is lucky to have such a conscientious employee!

Sandra1957

"Depression after Surgery
Depression and/or anxiety are often experienced after surgical procedures, at various times post operatively (immediately or months later). Intensity can range from mild dysphoria to major depressive symptoms. John Lauerman in the January 2000 issue of Harvard Magazine, addresses this topic in "An Understandable Complication...Coming to terms with postsurgical depression." The article talks about emotions before surgery as being expected and often handled quite well. Problems can also crop up in the recovery period which are not expected. After major surgery, according to the article, feelings of mortality, of loss, and of vulnerability can be profound." Shortly after surgery, depression can be attributed to pain, a problem with anesthesia, a sense of loss or another underlying cause. Post-operative depression, well after the crisis of surgery, can make it difficult for patients to cope with what they have endured. There might also be uncertainty about the future, or lack of understanding on the part of individuals close to them. This article points out the importance of communicating feelings of depression to medical professionals who may not be alert to symptoms, in order to have all possible causes of depression investigated."

.. And throw in a "you've got cancer" and yep, the mind just isn't what it used to be. You've been through a lot. It's only been a short time. Let your boss know that your body is still in a bit of a shock and is in a recovery phase, but you'll get through it.

gracejon

You are still almost brand new to this "thing" I don't think or expect I'll ever "get back" I am different. I've changed. I have energy but get tired faster. I am more attuned to exercise, eating right and developing healthy habits than ever before but... I tire easier. I get grumpier faster. I never had to pace myself and now it is a given. I am happy to have traveled the journey intact but still wish I didn't need to in the first place. I also think these events physically aged me a bit faster. I have adjusted but I never actually "got back" I changed to fit the changed me.

iodine

Hi, I think you have posted the very reason for your problems: you have limited leave time, so you took off very limited time off for

VERY SERIOUS CANCER DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT.

Now, physically, you felt you would do very well with this limited time off and return to work with just a bump in the road and "no problem", hit the door running and all would be fine.

I can relate to that: I did the same thing. I was gonna do the same thing. Just act like it was gall bladder surgery and move on. No problem.

It wasn't like gall bladder surgery, and I didn't move on.
Sorry.

It was a great deal more. Even if I didn't want it to be, my emotional investment was HUGE. I didn't plan it that way, my mental memory of things overheard all my life formed opinions and thoughts in my head that I didn't even know I had about cancer. We have no control over those thought and emotions. They can and do drain us. I'd say they did you as well.

I also believe you drained yourself with a hurried return to work, and have not yet allowed your body and mind to be restored to a healthy level and will play catch up for a while. Don't beat yourself up about it, but do give yourself some slack, and do begin to take better care of yourself, emotionally and physically.

You deserve a lot of slack and dang it, hugs.