Just venting

Jorf

Tough day and I'm feeling out of sorts.

I've gained back the few pounds I lost during treatment and now my real breast is much bigger than the implant. I was never thrilled with the implant but at least they looked pretty even in clothes before. I was really stupid to think that I would keep that weight off - my body just doesn't and never has wanted to go below 120 or so. I was just hoping, i guess. Anyway, I'm not that bummed in general about the weight (since I lost it being sick and stressed...). I saw the PS on a routine 6-month follow up s/p exchange and she talked about replacing it and adjusting the pocket to fix a funny cleavage problem. Also talked about maybe swapping to silicone. But today I went bra shopping and almost lost it completely. Luckily, the woman who deals with the breast forms took over for the woman who started out helping me and she fixed me up with a couple of free or low cost items to fill out the space. I felt better about it until tonight when I realized I just felt off about it all.

Went to a party and saw someone I haven't seen through this whole process and she did the, "How are you?" staring at my chest thing. I think that's only ever happened once before. Didn't need it today.

Plus, I went to the podiatrist today who basically told me that the only way my foot pain was going to get better was to have surgery to break my first metatarsal and change the angle of it with pins.

DAMN. I was thinking maybe he could work on my foot while the plastic surgeon was working on my chest....

So I ate too much desert at the rehearsal dinner we went to tonight and now i'm stuffed and feeling extra bad. Should probably get to bed as someone's coming over at 7:30 tomorrow to do a Tae Kwon Do work-out.

UGH!!

Yet gratitude for life, for my body's ability to ride a horse, do beautiful martial arts forms, learn new patterns, get stronger and stronger doing nautilus, make love, see, hear, feel, taste and smell, type fast.

Thanks for letting me ramble even if no one's reading this far.

And, no, I didn't have a drop of alcohol tonight!

iodine

Too bad you didn't have a drink, we could have had a toast to being on this side of the grass.

Sounds like a bitch of a day. I have the same boob problem and I hate the bra shopping, too. I've even left in tears. The foot problem would scare the hell out of me, tho. You have more courage than I.

I'm grateful that I can swim laps and climb and go down stairs with no knee pain and breathe at the same time. I;m also grateful that even tho my recent acute back pain is some rare sort of spinal cord blood clot, it's gonna be ok and I'm not a para and it's not mets.

So---lets toast anyway!

wallan

HUGs to you... it sounds like an awful day.

I hate the boob/bra thing too.. .I haven't had reconstruction yet.. I had a mastectomy. But I am finding I am feeling more and more self-conscious and I won't dare wear a bathing suit in public. Or any kind of summery top because my bra or scar or both show...ugh!!

I am afraid of reconstruction because of stories like yours.. there are too many....

So sorry again...

Wendy A

lvtwoqlt

I hated the boob/bra thing also. After my first biopsy for ADH I ended up with an A-cup on the left and a C-cup on the right, try finding bra's to fit that combo! I ended up getting a form to fill in the small size but then 6 months after getting the form, I had biopsy on the right for ADH again. ended up with not much change between. This year dx with DCIS in the right, ended up with bimast to get rid of problems. almost to exchange and happy with matching boobs.

Feel free to vent, you will find someone that can sympanthize (vent) with you.
Sheila