mother refusing treatment, Stage IV

cindyward

Does anyone out there know what the family can expect as far as last stages and how to make our mother more comfortable without the use of modern medicine. We aren't looking for anything healing as it appears to be final stages. She's having trouble breathing and she finally showed us the cancer last week and it is what appears to be stage IV, probably in the lymph nodes and lungs...of course that is just a guess as she has never been to a doctor in her life and doesn't intend to (very strong religious beliefs). Any ideas to improve her ability to breathe and sleep...she is having much trouble sleeping.

rubytuesday

If it were my mother, I would want her to be comfortable and I would check with your local hospice. You might also try posting your question in the Palliative Therapy /Hospice Care forum. Best wishes!

cindyward

thanks

cindyward

Is this forum you speak of on this website? Sorry, but I'm new at this.

twink

Here's a link to the forum Cindy:

http://community.breastcancer.org/ubbthreads/postlist.php?Cat=0&Board=Hospice

roseg

What a difficult position!

Perhaps calling hospice will get somebody else into it.

Chelee

Cindyward, My mother was stage IV with advanced lung, lymph nodescancer. Several masses in lungs and mets to brain. She had chemo and WBR but she went down hill. I was just told today she passed away.

But since your mom doesn't want any medical help I do know breathing becomes very difficult. My Mother had oxygen on 24/7 at home. We also had her elevated a bit in bed and that helped her breath too. When she quit all the chemo we just supported her anyway we could. Got her foods she could eat...which was hard since they lose their appetite. Made her drink *ensure*, water and other liquids when possible.

My best suggestion would be to get hospice involved. Thats what they are there for. Not just for your Mom...but for the entire family. I know your Mom doesn't what medical help but I would at least hope she would accept being put on oxygen to help with her breathing to make her more comfortable. That is one thing that made my mom restless and nervous is if she dropped her oxygen line or forgot to put it on. Its scary not being able to breath. So I hope she will at least do that. She will have pain so it would be good again if hospice would be involved so they can supply pain meds and keep your mom comfortable. If this isn't possible...then all you can do is give your mom all the love, attention and support you can offer. As mentioned earlier...sometimes sitting up in a more elevated position helps with breathing. I bought my Mom a Lazy Boy recliner and she liked to kick back in that and fall asleep. Many times she found it more comfortable then bed.

Sorry I can't be of much more help...but if there is anything else you think I might be able to answer for you I will try. I just went through all this...its not easy. I will keep you and family in my thoughts and prayers.

Chelee

cindyward

thank you sooooo much!!!!!

cindyward

Thank you sooo much for your kind reply..and yes, hospice is not an option. She refuses oxygen and pain meds. We've been trying to give her herbal teas and just love and encourage and care...she currently spends most of her time in a recliner and she is very very weak. We will soon have to start spending nights with her soon...right now my nephew, who is very caring stays with her 24/7. But soon, me and my sister will have to start staying with her. Thank you so much for responding to my inquiry. It is most appreciated.

cindyward

Thank you, but hospice is not an option for my mother. No one but family and church members are welcome in her home right now.

roseg

Even though your Mom doesn't want hospice YOU might get some good ideas about things to do that might comfort her by talking with them.

I don't understand why her religion prevents her from receiving treatment, or pain relief - but that's her choice.

Perhaps since your religion prohibits professional pain relief other church members have experience helping their own suffering relatives to cope with the their last days.

Anonymous

Cindyward, I just want to say my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine what you must be going through.

Oxygen is not medicine. I'm sorry, but I don't understand the reason/s why she would not accept oxygen. It is something we breathe everyday.

My prayers will be with you and your family as you go through this together.
Shirley