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Mary1968
Mary1968 Member Posts: 58
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Good evening,
My mother Oncology confirm with my sister that my mom breast cancer have spread to her bones. (Spine and pelvis) We do not want to tell her over the phone this horrible news. She keeps asking me do I know the result and I say no. I feel horrible lying to her. I live 80 miles away so it is hard for me to just get up and go. My sister wants her pastor to tell her after her mastectomy on Thursday. My mom and my sister will be coming over tomorrow to my house to celebrate the 4th. My sister also doesn’t want to mess up her day.
I feel that we should just tell her. She has the right to know. Beside she really really wants to know. Why take the chance on Thursday for the doctor to tell her.


Please need advice

What should I do?
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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2007
    Hi Mary, I just wonder why you have this information from her doctor and your mother does not. I truly believe that the information should come from her doctor, he can offer her any information she should want much better than the family can, let alone the minister.

    Her doctor can also provide her with the proper aspects regarding her prognosis or outlook for recovery regarding her diagnosis. You seem to have a very negative outlook which I don't think is appropriate from what you have posted.

    I am sure that after her surgery her doctor will have more information about a treatment plan for her and that will be a positive thing to help her begin a fight. Her pathology report will be helpful in determining her treatment.

    Please know that altho she has mets to her bones, this is NOT a death sentence!!!!

    With proper treatment, she can do VERY well !!! We have ladies on this board and all around the country who are doing FINE with this diagnosis.

    PLEASE, do not bury your mother just yet, she is not dying!!
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  • Mary1968
    Mary1968 Member Posts: 58
    edited July 2007
    You're right she is not dead. She know about her condition and I really throught that she will have been more down.Instead, she very positive about the future and that gives me hope. LIke you said she is not dead.

    Mary
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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2007
    Mary, I am so glad you see that she is positive. I know it's hard for you to see your mom sick and you are scared. Please support her in her efforts to be positive about a good outcome of her treatments.
    She needs you to support her and be hopeful for her.
    Blessings.
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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited July 2007
    Mary,

    My cancer is in my bones also. This is very treatable and controllable normally. A person can live a very long time with bone mets. Bone mets in itself is not usually fatal so your mom has every reason to be upbeat. You might want to read on the recurrance/mets board. It will give both you and your mom lots of insight and reassurance in her tx.

    LuAnn
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