Decision making re pregnancy

30something

Hi there,
Need to share, I am thinking more and more about pregnancy, however whilst part of me wants to "go for it" and feel the fear and do it anyway (know that I will be anxious and that this normal, yet don't want cancer to control my life and paralyse me with fear) and wish continue to follow my/our dreams, of which having a baby was one, the other part of me is plagued by the what ifs and is real scared too and wonders whether I am stable enough emotionally to go for it? Yet, when am I going to feel as stable again, cancer knocked me for a six, and isn't it about living with it... ???.... I wonder for those of you who have gone onto have a sucesful pregnancy or decided against getting pregnant how you got to a place of acceptance with your decisions in yourself? What helped you? How did you work it all out in your head? I know that we're all different I just feel a little isolated and would love to hear from others...

Thanks!

ake

I am on Tamoxifen, so I can't really make the decision yet. I did talk to my onc. and my breast surgeon and both said that when I finish Tamoxifen and I have gotten to the 5 year mark, they don't see why I can't get pregnant. Of course I'm scared about the what if's and all that, but I also don't want cancer to keep me from doing what I've always wanted to do and at some point, I have to take a deep breath and try to keep breathing and live my life. There is no real research linking breast cancer and pregnancy together...in that it increases recurrence, so in the end, it's a quality of life situation. It's hard to work it out in our heads and I don't know if any of those "what if's" can just go away. But, I want to live my life and I want children, so I'll cross my fingers and do the best I can.

kate99

i have a friend who stopped tamox and waited a year and then had a baby. she stopped it only two years in. they are both fine. she is thinking about having another. my daughter is adopted. i would love to adopt another child.

magsandmattsmom

I just had a baby a month ago and I'll be a 4 year survivor at the end of July. I never made the decision - it was made for me, but I knew I always wanted another baby. I thought about the whole "what if it comes back thing" and part of me thought I never should BUT I also didn't want BC to control my life - to the extent that I would NOT do something that would make me so happy and bring such joy. Could my BC come back - YUP but if it does I know that looking at my son will help me through it. And having the time I had with him would make it all worth while in the end.

That said - I will be honest and say that lately it has caused me anxiety to think about it coming back and I do get weepy when I look at him and think about it. I pray to God that if it's His will that my BC comes back that He at least waits until Samuel is old enough to remember me. I'm also suffering some post partum depression, so that doesn't help. Gonna go on some anti-depressents for that.

The one thing I REFUSE to do is ever let BC interfer with the joy of my son. I will NOT let it have that control. And I will never, never regret having him. He is completely life affirming. He tells me that it's ok to keep living and loving.

Sorry if this is rambling I'm working on little sleep right now.

((((((hugs)))))) It is a difficult decision - and an individual one. Let me know if you want to talk. I'm more than willing to share more.

30something

Thank you for your replies, and sharing your experiences, it has helped me a lot. Welcome other people sharing their experiences too!

Vandyta

i am also wanting to have another baby,im thinking about taking a break from tamoxifin i have hit my 2 year mark im 35 now if i wait i will be nearly 40 and i dont wanna wait that long.has anyone else had any side effects of this medication?I have severe bone and joint pain,severe fatigue and a few other side effects.I am scared to death of making the wrong decision i am putting it in gods hands.

luvmyhunny

Hi all,
I totally understand. My hubby and I are both 27 and were trying to get prego until cancer reared it's ugly head. I have had chemo and chose bilat mast and I have been taking Tamox for about 2 weeks. I think a lot about the future. We want so badly to have children but is it safe? Is it the right thing to do? What if I leave my dear hubby a widower and a single parent? Sometimes the what ifs take over and it SUX! I agree with vandyta I am scared too, but should I not ever get to be a mother and enjoy that? I don't know. It hurts that this happened to me... To any of us! Everyone says " Oh you are young, you have time" But do I?

30something

Luvmyhunny
You are not alone, many of us think the things you shared... it sucks! Yet, I agree Cancer has taken so much from us, how can we just change our dreams and live in its shadow forever? I don't think we can, can we?
Just takes time to process though.. as some plans have to be put on hold, there is always uncertainty to deal with, it gets easier with time they say, yet affects so many different facets of our lives, long after the treatment ends.
Take care

mplscello

hi -
I also struggled with this decision when I became pregnant last fall, just after my 5-year cancer anniversary. I was 40 years old and still on tamoxifen so there were concerns there too. But we decided to go for it and had a beautiful healthy girl on 7/7/07! I am so grateful for her, and although I too get weepy when I look at her and think, what if ... but I have to believe everything's going to be ok. I can't let cancer run my life either, and I have no regrets.

good luck with your decision.
take care,
LeeAnn