the "What If It Comes Back" conversation

ramonajane

As June approaches, we look towards skipper's second anniversary of diagnosis. And like last year, as the anniversary approaches we have increasingly more frequent "what if it comes back" conversations.

I do my best to reassure: We will deal with it swiftly and thoroughly just like last time. There are many treatment options available. We have a good medical team. We've done it once, we can do it again. I love you always, no matter what your body looks like. I'll be right next to you - we will cope together.

and so on.

How do you reassure when this topic comes up? Do these conversations break your heart a little, like they do mine?

roseg

It seems to me you hit most of the comfort phrases.

It's one of those things that seems very frightening when it hasn't happened to you, but if it does happen to you the world doesn't end. You integrate it into your life and keep living.

My husband had cancer in 1993. A huge round of chemo and remission until 2002. Then it came back, a different variety of the same disease. My goodness - the treatments were much improved. He didn't lose his hair or have to be so sick. It went away, and this year turned back up again.

It sucks, but he's not dead yet!

Partners have different roles. My husband is a head-in-the-sand type. He doesn't like to think about it. I'm a big worrier. I know all the new treatments and options. If it gets out of hand I'll be there to support him. In the meantime he does his thing, and we try not to dwell on it.