Sister-in-law Starts Chemo today

MissesW

Hi, I've been perusing the boards the past couple of weeks and finally joined today!

My sister in law starts chemo today and I must say I'm so nervous for her.
I was devastated when we got the news and I hate that they have to go through all of this.
I've been very confused about my feelings. I feel like I don't have the right to be so sad, and cry as much as I have - this is about them and the struggle they have ahead. I know they will beat this, the prognosis is very good.

But, I also need advice on what role I can play to help support her, my big brother, and their two small children. He's my big brother, usually he's the one supporting me!
I live a few hours away and I don't want to be pushy (but they hate asking anyone for help).
Thanks!

lisaelder1972

MissesW,
Hello and Welcome.You are correct about the struggle ahead of your sister-in-law.Of course you have a right to be sad and to cry,that's human nature.There are many waye you can help them.If she has a mastectomy you could go stay with them for a few days afterwards to care for the children.If she has chemo,you could go to treatments with her or watch the chiildren.You could go to Drs visits with her.You could make dishes that freeze well and just have to be popped in the oven such as lasagna,chicken casserole,chili,beef stew.You could clean house every so often.Run errands for them like pick up meds,grocery store,library.The most important thing you can do is love them.That will be the most comforting thing of all.You are sweet to care so much for brother and his family.Keep us updated on how she is doing.She may even want to join us here.

hugs,
Lisa

myrenewal

Perhaps you can ask them if there is one day a week you can come over to help out with chores, such as laundry, driving the kids, grocery shopping, paying bills. Have her make up a list in advance and convince her you really want to do it. My sister was an enormous help to me - although my husband and I would say we were doing okay, she would just show up with complete makings for dinner and movies, quietly work around the house, drive me to chemo and sometimes spend the night (she lives 70 miles away). My husband works brutal hours and we were barely keeping up although we put up a good front. Although many other people came by with meals, or to visit, I found her visits the easiest. I felt pampered and never felt like I had to "entertain" her when I wasn't feeling well.

It is sweet that you care so much - when I was diagnosed we asked family members for privacy at the very beginning because we were so devasted and emotional. You may want to watch for signs that they are having more struggles than they are letting on.

But. . . on a positive note - perhaps your sister-in-law will be one of the lucky ones who experiences minor side effects. Good luck to your family.