advice from anyone who<s stage IV?

ducky1

Monday I was at the Cross Cancer Hospital waiting to give blood and one of the subs in our school was there. She, too, was waiting...this was her 2nd bout of cancer. She was having Taxotere so I knew it was an aggressive cancer. Unfortunately, although the tumor initially shrunk, it started growing as soon as she stopped treatments and she can<t do this drug any longer. Bottom line is that I barely know this lady but there is a sisterhood in BC so I tried to encourage her as best I could by saying that the prognosis is not always accurate (they told her 9-12 months). She has bone mets. and her liver is soon to be hooped. Those of you who are there... what do you need to hear to help you have the courage to go on? I want to send her a card but want to give her hope!! Help me!! If I were in her shoes, I would want all the encouragement available and you gals are so wise.
thanks
Cath

Anonymous

Post deleted by bco-administrator

CalGal

Hi Cath -

I was dx'd with recurr bc, liver mets and unrelated kidney cancer in 12/05 ... and am about to celebrate 1 year being NED for bc (3 mos NED for kidney cancer)! I've always liked reading about those who are Stage IV, but NED ... the longer the better! I find that really encouraging.

I had radio-frequency ablation (RFA) of my liver. What do you mean by her liver being "hooped"? I've never heard of that.

I really appreciated the cards (thinking of you, wishing you well, etc) I received from friends and family. A close family friend (who is like a 2nd mom as mine passed from bc at age 59), managed to time a card so that every time I came back from chemo (11 times in all), there was a card from her!

One friend has really stood out ... not only cards and e-mail, but the cards have included a gift card for a coffee place and Sephora a make-up store (and with all the chemo-related changes, I needed different make-up), chocolate dipped strawberries, something like a floral arrangement but it had fruit on it. I've received flowers too.

Just knowing that others are thinking of me, wishing me well, praying for me, etc., has been really nice. I've kept the cards up ... and they make me feel good.

I've had people offer to make a meal, ask what they can do ... I've been fortunate and have not needed to take them up on it, but I appreciate the offer .... and hopefully, I won't need it in the future, but if I do, I'll ask ...

It's really nice of you to want to be a friend to this woman who is currently more of an acquaintence. Just start with whatever you're comfortable with.

CalGal

slshriner

I agree with the card idea. It's nice to get an unexpected card. In the beginning you get quite a few, but as time goes on they come few and far between. You can feel forgotten. Keep sending them to her every few weeks.

The other thing I would suggest is to ask her what she prefers...does she want someone to tell her that "everything will be ok" or does she want someone to say "cancer sucks"? Everytime I heard someone tell me not to cry and that everything would be ok, I wanted to scream at them. I felt like they were not listening to me and the didn't know what it felt like to be in my shoes. It felt like they were poo pooing my feelings.
It was better when someone said, this really sucks and I hate that you have to go through this, but I will help anyway I can. Everyone is different on what helps and what feels like a slap in the face.

People who brought over dinner was also a wonderfully help.

Blondie56

I am taking zometa for my bone mets and arimidex for my advanced breast cancer. I try to smile and think good thoughts and my positivity rubs off on others. My mother just died in a fire and I try to emulate her ways, she was always smiling, and I try to keep comfortable thoughts of the good times. Take each day as it comes, I say and tell yourself you are a survivor and that everyone around is special to you. Let her know she is not alone and there are so many people who care.

angelica23578

 I have Stage IV, mets to the lung, and there is NED.  After surviving lung cancer in 1999, and now this, I have been very healthy (with exception of the big C).  So, goes to show you that no one knows how long we'll be around.  And that goes for everyone.  Something as simple as a phone call means a lot.