The psychologist

catboxer

My wife was dx with IDC a week ago, and we’re scheduled for a lumpectomy on April 4th. Today we met with her onc team for nearly 6 hours to go over what’s happening, what to expect, sign the consent forms, etc. Until today everyone we’ve met at the bc center has been super – supportive and patient with us as we try to absorb what’s happening.

But today one of the people we met with was a psychologist, who I assumed was there to give us info on coping and support groups, and we got a very weird reaction from her. She found it “odd” that I would hold my wife’s hand or touch her on the shoulder to reassure her when I felt her becoming overwhelmed.

Say what????

We’ve been together for 40 years and of course I want to comfort her and give her strength, support and reassurance when I feel her fear and panic. What’s so unusual or “odd” about that?

cheryl58

Catboxer, hmmmmm, I don't think there is anything at all odd about comforting your wife of 40 years with a gentle touch during this overwhelming time. Did she come right out and say it was odd that you were "touching" your wife while trying to comfort her? Next time you see her, tell her (and I read this somewhere) that a hug a day is as good as an apple a day. I think that I would have to question her on this if you ever meet with her again. It is a very strange thing for someone in her profession and under these circumstances to say.

Hope all goes well for your wife,
Cheryl

erika-canada

HI IF YOU ASK ME, THE PSCHOLOGIST NEEDS SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE ------ IT'S CALLED ''HOW TO BE HUMAN'', PEOPLE LIKE THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE THESE CAREERS. HELLO OUT THERE, ALL YOU (who should be) ARE YOU LISTENING!! OR, LIGHTS ON UPSTAIRS, BUT NOBODY HOME.

GREAT HUSBAND.....MORE POWER TO YOU .....YOUR WIFE IS BLESSED!!

ERIKA CANADA

roseg

I wouldn't give it much thought. It is nice to know the resource is there if you need it.

catboxer

Cheryl and Erika – Thanks for saying what you did. While I instantly went on high alert when she said it (and yes, she came right out and said it) there was always the possibility that my reaction to her words was skewed because of what we’re going through right now. You’ve basically confirmed my suspicion that the only thing “odd” about me trying to comfort my wife is in the psychologist’s head. I think I’ll call the clinic and gently suggest that in the future they use a different psychologist for lesbian couples like us. I’d bet a dollar to a donut that if our son and his wife had been trying to reassure and comfort each other under the same circumstances she wouldn’t have found that “odd” at all.

Rose – You’re right. It IS nice to know the resource is there if needed…it’s just that in this case the resource is more of an aggravation than a help.

Blessings and gentle hugs to you all!