Need some advice please

lisaelder1972

OK first let me say that my intent is not to offend anyone but to get the help of my fellow sisters in a life situation that is really bothering me.My husband and I have been married for 17 years.I was 17 when we got married.He is 7 years older than me and he was divorced with a child who was 2 when we got married.The mother is your classic welfare case.She has 3 kids by 3 different fathers and she has never worked a day in her life.My husband pays child support but at one time he did not because he had applied for SSDI.The daughter has never came around much but when she did,I never treated her any different than my own children.She is now 19 and a senior in HS.She moved in with her boyfriend.OK here's the problem.My husband is still paying child support on her.On top of that she calls him on his cell phone all the time asking for money.Last week,I simply lost it.She called wanting $10.00 for hairspray and stuff.I have 2 children with him that are 15 and 9.My children need more than hairspray!I have worked since I was 14 until my dx last year and I have applied for disability due to all my health problems.We are struggling really hard right now to make ends meet and even had to move in with my Mom.I had to do without my Tamoxifen for that same week that she wanted hairspay.Am I so wrong because I think my childrens basic needs come before a 19 yr olds frivolous wants?She told him that she had used her child support money to pay her cell phone bill and here I am going to the food bank because my kids need food.This is really causing tension between my husband and I.Am I being selfish?What would some of you do in this situation?

Hugs,
Lisa

nancy75

wow...this is a very difficult situation. If anything I believe that your husband should talk to his daughter that wanting and needing are absolutely 2 very different things. I am married only 2 years (almost) but have been with him for 7 and we have 2 kids (1 boy that is not his). My sons father pays child support but get this, I get sometimes 2 checks one for .58 cents and the other for .80 cents, I'M NOT JOKING! but i would never call him asking him for anything. His daugther is old enough to get a job and begin learning what we all call responsibilities!

MrsBee

I may be wrong about what the law says, but it would seem to me that a young woman of 19 who is living with her boyfriend is too old to be getting child support payments. I really think it's a good idea to talk to a lawyer about terminating these payments.

And, under the circumstances, it seems that the minor children you have at home - and you too, for that matter - should take precidence over what this girl "wants." She is taking advantage of a bad situation, and it needs to stop.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this on top of everything else that you're having to deal with.

lisaelder1972

I called Nashville cause we live in a small town and you can't accomplish nothing here.The lady on the phone said that when she turns 19 on March 30th that the very next day my husband needs to go into the local office and sign a modification.However I was informed that she is not going to graduate on purpose and just be enrolled at the beginning of next school year.I was floored!!!I got back on the phone and guess what I found out?In TN the child recieves benefits until the age of 18 or until she gradutes WITH her graduating class.I can't wait until her Mom takes him to court when it stops.She gets child support from 3 different men and her other daughter age 15 had baby already.These people make a living like this lol.Thanks for your advice I didn't want to appear selfish or greedy but my kids shouldn't suffer because of their antics.

Hugs,
Lisa
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MrsBee

Lisa, it's not a matter of you being selfish or greedy. Dagnabbit, you're having to do without your meds because of all this!!! That shouldn't be happening.

I hope that you guys are going forward with having the payments stopped to this little freeloader (sorry, but I have to call a spade a spade here). {{{{{Hugs to you}}}}}

badboob67

OHMYGOSH, Lisa! I am absolutely disgusted by this situation! In addition to the checking you have already done, is there someone at Social Services you can talk to? It's ridiculous that you are having to go to a food bank and going without tamoxifen because of this. Maybe Social Services can give YOU some assistance? It is such a shame that your stepdaughter has chosen to be this way and you and your well-being are basically being held hostage by a system that doesn't take individual situations into account. Unbelievable.

Anonymous

Lisa,
Im not sure of the laws in your state but here in Washington if you can show that the child support is a burden on your family the courts will drop it to $25.00 per month.....My ex re-married and never paid support to begin with, but after they had two more kids together they had thiers dropped and they didnt even have medical issues....he was just being a pain in my a$$....he never even paid the $25.00 per month it was dropped to!!!!
I would say it is DEFINATELY a burden on your family and I would attempt to get it stopped.
I know our state also expects a parent to support the child until they are graduated from high school and some even from a short term college.

I hope things get better for you and your family...
Jule