Mother w/daughter just diagnosed w/breast cancer

esther1

My 42 yr old daughter is having a double mastectomy. I will be going to stay there to help. What should I do and NOT do to help her thru' this.

Sandra1957

My mom was great when I had my bilateral last year. She came and stayed with me for about 10 days. She did the laundry, cooked, and washed my hair for me as I could not shower for 3 weeks. It freed my husband up to not feel guilty when he went to work. When he got home, he and my son would clean the kitchen, do the vacuuming, sweeping. About day 8 I was feeling good enough to do some laundry and light cooking. My mom knew it was time to go and let us all get on with our lives.

She also took me to several of my appts. when I wasn't allowed to drive and then to lunch afterwards (drains and all). It was nice.

She never looked at my scars, which somewhat bothers me, but she says it would pain her too much to see me like that. It's okay, she couldn't even stand to see a cut finger on any of her babies. She really doesn't understand my reconstruction process despite numerous verbal explanations. I finally have printed up some pictures to show her. I think that she doesn't agree with my need to reconstruct so she chooses to "ignore". That's okay too. She had a lumpectomy and I chose bilateral, so we had differing opinions on that from the get go. Probably had I been her age at time of dx I may have gone with a lump. too, although I doubt that she would have chosen a bilateral at my age, even though she ran to her BC surgeon and he confirmed my decision. It's all too personal. I guess what I'm trying to say is to just respect her opinions and hopefully, she'll respect yours.

We also had several of the best conversations of our lives in the mornings after everyone had left the house for the day. We shared many of our fears, hopes, and joys. I really think that we are closer for it.

Good luck and best to you and your daughter! You'll be great!

lini