she's coming up on 2nd anniv - I'm freaking out!

ramonajane

Hi folks:
I haven't been around in awhile, but did post in this section back in the beginning of this journey. (And before the lesbian section existed.) But this topic seemed more appropriate for here - and there's more traffic here!

My partner (skipper on these boards) was dx June 2005 - ILC w/ LCIS. Stage I. Grade I. ER/PR+. No node involvement. Had L mast, no rads/chemo. Takes Arimidex.

So next week is the next oncology appointment. We go every 3 months. And in June will be the big #2 anniversary. Hopefully then we'll "graduate" to the next interval of visits - I think its every 4 months, but can't recall for sure.

So all along, we've talked about and been talked to about "the first two years". Just get through the first two years, they said, and then her risk of recurrence drops dramatically. Two years is a great milestone, they said. Get through two years and you can breathe a bit easier.

So there's three months to go until we have gotten through two years. And I'm flipping out. I cannot flip out for three months. What happens will happen. The likelihood of a recurrence is small. She's adherent to treatment. She gets good medical care. Yet, I'm really, really anxious about this. Its as if this two year goal is nearly in our hands, yet the pessimist part of me thinks it will be snatched away before we can grab it.

Somehow, in my head, I've built up this goal of getting to two years and its become so huge that the thought of not getting there is really, really anxiety-provoking.

Typing this all out is helping. I think I need to do two things:

1. Concentrate on what I wrote in my signature line. She IS a survivor, and she'll continue to survive one day at a time.

2. Realize that getting to June 21, 2007 doesn't automatically bestow some magic power that eliminates the risk of future recurrence or new primary dx. Its a good goal, but its not a guarantee.

Thanks for listening. Thoughts, feedback, reassurance, or just a random joke are all welcomed.

Tracie

Did you take a breath?
Exhale very slowly now............
It's going to be fine, so stop putting the pressure of a deadline on yourself.
How about a project to focus on for the next few months? Something to keep your mind occupied and not let it wonder off to imagine every possible worst-case scenario?
Big hugs,

ramonajane

Thank you, Tracy. You are right - taking a breath should have been #1 on my list. And #2 should read "repeat step 1".

A project. What a helpful and very feasible idea. I am going to think on that. Surely I can come up with something.

Thank you.

csp

Hi Ramonajane,
So good to see you here again, but sorry what bought you here! Like your partner , my sister Denise is approaching the 2 year too.She is June too , dx'd June 13th. I really like what Tracy suggested make or find something very special to express your feelings about the journey you both have been on to keep your self occupied in a positive way.

I slip into the icky place of what if sometimes too !

Hugs,
Carrie

ramonajane

Hi csp - good to see you too. Thank you for the encouragement. Today is better.

vpiazza

plan a trip
even just a long weekend.

it will give you something positive to look forward to.