The 6 Affairs

Anonymous

Subject: The 6 affairs
>>
>>The 1st Affair
>>a. A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day
>>they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell
>>asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his
>>lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put

>>on
>>his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
>>We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said:
>>"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
>>
>>The 2nd Affair
>>a. A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
>>about having a son.They decided to try one last time for the son they
>>always wanted.The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was
>>horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife:
>>"There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two
>>beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
>>my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
>>
>>
>>The 3rd Affair
>>
>>a. A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of
>>Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
>>Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry
>>Mr.Schwartz,"
>>the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such
>>an impressive private part.It must be saved for posterity." So, he
>>removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have
>>something to
>>show you won't believe," he said to his wife,opening his briefcase.
>>"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
>>
>>The 4th Affair
>>a.. A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
>>opening the front door. "Hurry,"
>>she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him,
>>then dusted him with talcum powder.
>>"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
>>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a
>>statue,"
>>she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so much that I got
>>one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>>Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with
>>a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I
>>stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned
>>thing."
>>
>>The 5th Affair
>>
>>a. A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>>"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
>>He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
>>bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?"
>>exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender
>>replied:
>>"Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with
>>your wife?" The bartender
>>replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
>>
>>The 6th Affair
>>
>>a.. Jake was dying. His wife sat at his bedside.
>>He looked up at her and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
>>"There's no need to," his wife replied."No," he insisted, "I want to die
>>in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best
>>friend,
>>and your mother!" "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the
>>cyanide work
>>One kind word can warm three winter months -- japanese proverb
>>
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jz20022001

Good ones!

Catherine