Dr Newnham’s HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

evilelf

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means the water is taken out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness. Beer is made out of hops, malt and yeast – all important nutrients!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.




Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body....., but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…..

"WHA HOO, What a Ride"peace
vera