Need advice - How can I help my Mom?

soccit2m

My mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy last week along with the sentinal node biopsy. When she first came out of surgery, the Dr. told her all of the lymph nodes were negative. She was feeling very positive and had a great attitude. Today, we went to see the Dr. and he told her that one (of the seven) sentinal nodes they took had a small (1.75 mm) spot that was cancerous. She is completely "freaking out". The Dr. told her that this is not a death sentence, that it is still early stage and her prognosis is still good. She can't seem to get past the fact that it appears as if it has spread to her lymph nodes. I want to support her and to help her through this but she seems to be focusing on all of the negative information vs. anything positive he has to say.

Any suggestions?

ambenn122

I think being there for her is really most important. It's totally natural for her to be freaking out and focussed on the negative right now. It's a hard time. Just be there, listen to her and let her know you love her. She's lucky to have a very loving child like you!

lindas1child

Wow! This all sounds so familiar. I can tell you that what helped my mother the most was being there with her. I went to her appointments and meeting and took notes. That way, when her fear took ove, I could refer to what the doctor told her and ease her fears while focusing on her health. I comforted her and made it plain that I was always there. Let's face it, we're human and as such, hugs and some time with the people we love can help a lot.

Ter

Hi, Ive never been in here and thought I should since having bc since 04. I am not going to cause huckus ruckus, but even that small of a node being involved scares the pee wads out of you,and it is scarry and you do feel like, well I did and I had 2 diff masct at diff time and they removed 18 nodes 3 pos...and I have read that even more women with more, we all get this gut feeling that "this is it".

Sure mine has gone way further and as i said Im never on this page..buty wanted to let you know that give her the love she wants/needs whatever, as I know with my son I could not tell him after I had withinnn 2 years, that its come back again...he cried so hard with me and it was good for us to be able to get that closeness , he is 24, and just moved out on his own...so he is always checking on me and that makes ME feel good...and its opened a gap that has been closed for so long...too bad it takes these measures for families to get close.

Your mom is very fortunate to have you...like I am my son, as when I first told him before my first surg, he was a basket case as overall I am his "only" one...he has his step dad, but its not like your mom mom! Now he is more at ease talking to me and all his buddies come over, call first and ask"can i come over and see your mom"? They too are my "other sons" that I didnt even know cared so much about me, they just come over, find me, say hello the hugs an kisses and a quit chat then they go home....it really makes me feel good.

sorry for blabbing so much.
Ter

Shemp

I got caught up in the negatives for a bit as the spouse, but a call to my Dad was a nice wake-up. From then, I was able to focus on the positives, which statistically, are extraordinarily good, particularly as each year passes and new treatments are developed. You're not going to get your Mom to focus on the positives anytime real soon, and if you do, I'll bet the odds are good she'll occasionally lapse toward the negative side. But you keep yourself positive, and just keeping emphasizing the positives and the facts that do support those positives and you'll gain ground. Unfortunately, the reality is that it's always in the back of one's mind, but you also have to keep on living and avoid having time to think about those negative thoughts.