imHelenMarie

pdaly

Sounds like your Mom and my Mom are alot alike. My mom is 81, stage IV. She is very independent. I don't think she's reached the stage your Mom is in, and I'm not sure how long it takes to reach that point. Mom never took treatment (exception of about 3 weeks of Femara in August). She thinks she's had this for about 5 years. She refuses to go to the oncologist. Her regular doc said he can go to him for pain management. She hasn't yet. She has mets to bones, lungs and lymphs. She fractured her back and had a masectomy in Aug. Just hurt her back again (different spot).

I'm just wondering, how did you know when it got "bad"? What happens? My sisters and I don't know what to do! No doctors, no tests, we're in the dark and don't know what lies ahead.

I hope you don't mind me asking you these questions. If it's too much to ask, I understand. My family just feels blind, deaf and mute at the moment, not to mention shlt scared!

You mentioned Hospice, what do they do for your Mom? When did you know to call them?

hmphillips

Darling it is never too much to ask. Didn't get bad to recently. But, we have been going to oncologist once a month since Sept. of 2002. That is when her cancer metastasized. Thanks to Sybel Shepard, My mom found out in 1997 that she had breast cancer. In 1990 my mom had a lump removed that was benighn. In 1997 Sypel Shepard did a show on menapause and my mom thought she was going thru menopause and went in for a check up. Our family docter found a lump were the lumpectomy had happened and sent her for a checkup of that spot. They found the breast cancer and she got a mastectomy and went thru chemotherapy. She was cleam until 2002 when she went back for her 5 year checkpup. They found that the cancer had metastasized to her bones. She did radiation therapy and hormone therapy from then til 2005. Then the cancer mets again to lymph node in chest. Chemo kept in check til August of this year. Then mets again to liver. They said 6 - 9 months to live without chemo and only a 30% chance if she took chemo it would help. She and I decided that quality was better that quantity. Today the hospice nurse said she as 3 - days. I am so sorry for what your going through. Email me if you need someone to talk to.

I did not call hospice. The oncologist sent them in immediatly after she decided not to go thru chemo. You may need them now. The sooner the better. They can teach you and your mom so much. They make things go a lot smoother becaue they are there everystep of the way letting you know what is ahead and helping to to take each step together. Email me and I will call you if I can. Things are a little tight right now but I promise I will try very hard to help you.

pdaly

Thanks for your reply, HelenMarie. I know how busy, exhausted and utterly drained you are. We just lost my Dad 3 weeks ago and now this. She tried an antidepressant but it made her very sick, so she stopped.

I promised myself we wouldn't wait as long as we did with Dad to call hospice (they were there only a day before he died). I'll try to be more prepared with Mom.

There is fluid in her lung which is causing pain. I don't know how early on fluid forms, but I'm hoping she has awhile to go. I understand we can have it drained. We'll have to wait and see.

I'll pray for your Mom and family. This is a very difficult thing to go through. Get some rest yourself. If you feel anything like my sisters and me, a day spent blocking this out while laying on the couch, watching tv and raiding the fridge is a day well-spent.