My mom with stage iv breast cancer

jcpalmore

I don't usually post to sites. I just read them for info and encouragement (but I need to know). My mom had breast cancer when I was 10 years old. She was given 6 months to live. By the grace of God, she was completely cured.

Fast forward about 24 years. In 2004, mom's breast cancer had returned and had metastisized to several area including her lung, lymph nodes, spine and a bone in her leg. Her tumor marker was a little over 1800. They put her on an estrogen stopping pill. That worked great for 2 years. Her tumor marker was down in the 200s. Of course, the cancer figured that treatment out.

They then tried another pill which didn't work at all. The cancer has spread in her lungs significantly and also spread in her spine. She did one treatment of chemo. It about killed her. She was in and out of the hospital from that one treatment for about 2 months. At her last hospital visit in July, her tumor marker was 600. She decided that she is not going to do any chemo.

I have supported her completely because I think quality of life is better than quantity. She went to the dr the middle of last month. Her tumor marker is 1640. She had a terrible weekend and was in tremendous pain. She can't take pain meds because they make is VERY sick to her stomach and she throws up from them.

This morning when I called her, she said that she threw up all last night.

Are we at the end? She can still get out and go to my boys' football games and things like that but has definitely gone downhill in terms of her energy. She doesn't like me calling the dr so I'm kind of just wondering what the heck is going on.

CalGal

Hi JCPalmore -

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's increasingly difficult situation ... my heart goes out to you, I know it is so painful ... Yes, it's serious and it sounds like she's declining, but if she can still get out and go to football games ... she's doing some things that she enjoys .. and still has some energy and interests ... all good signs.

I don't have an answer for you. My mother passed away due to bc mets at age 59 in 2000 ... (and I'm Stage IV and fighting it hard now). I knew the end was near when my Mom wasn't eating regular food, only Ensure, got unsteady on her feet, rarely left the house and even lost energy for our formerly frequent night-time chats ...

Have you considered asking her doctor? Not that he/she will know, but they are likely to have an idea. Have you and your Mom considered getting a 2nd opinion?

For our family, prior to needing it, my Mom decided she wanted to stay and home and use hospice. They were wonderfully supportive ... I can't say enough good things about them.

I know I'm not sugar-coating anything ... but I think it's healthy to try and prepare ... in our family, I was the realistic one ... and when the end got close, I got out my Mom's phone book and called family and close friends and told them it was time to come soon (and was surprised at the denial response I received from some) ... I'm very glad that I did that for her and for them.

Wishing you strength on this journey,

CalGal

jcpalmore

Thanks for that. I have asked her dr. The dr's response is that we should just enjoy all the time that she has left. She said that she can't give me a "magic number". I just want to be realistic and know what to expect. Thanks again for your response. It was very helpful!

PS - Good luck on your fight. You are in my prayers!

karyng

HOney

this is the first time i have posted so i am new to this. My mum bravely fought bc for 12 years until she passed away on mothers day this year. as i live interstate, i didn't realise how bad she was until i drove up there on teh friday before mothers day. i new as soon as i saw her she didn't have long to go. She was in hospital for about 2 weeks before she died, and she (and also the nurses expected her to come back out). My mum was up walking around only a few days before she died and the nurses were dumbfounded by how fast she went down hill. in the end, to end her suffering, we let her go. I am the only girl in my family (i am 31), and i have two brothers. both of them couldn't accept the fact that mum wouldn't be here. i had to tell them to say good bye to mum (that was one of the most hardest things to do), and then tell the only grand daughter that nana was going to heaven. i felt it was up to me to take control, as i don't think the boys could have done it. i amd so glad i told my brothers that, and also got an opportunity to just sit with mum, hold her hand, watch tv with her, read to her - on saturday night the most hardest thing to do was to tell mum that we would ok and that she needed to let go and that we would look after each other. At 5.30 thenext morning she was gone.

i was finding it hard at first to cope, but have now accepted the fact that mum is not here. there are not many web sites for daughters to turn to in time of need (and we all need our mum's no matter how old we are). i miss my mum more than ever.

i thank god i got the opportunity to say good by and be with my mum during the final days, even though it was hard for all of us. i told mum what i needed to say, told her that i loved her and that she would be with me forever.

I am so glad i found this forum - at least i know i am not alone now.

hang in there are please know that there are other people who are going through the same thing - you are not alone.
k

Tawyna-2005Mar17

hi,
i wish they could find a pain med that would not make your mom sick. i hate breast cancer has come back on your mom the way it has. god bless you and your family through this.