Breast Cancer And Child Care

supersparky

Hi there, I am new to this site. I found my lump on the 7th of July, the day after my 34th birthday. At first I wasn't worried as I had some cysts before and have had breast pain. After seeing the doctor and going to the breast clinic I was told that it was possibly just a cyst but they did the check up stuff anyway. Thank goodness for that. Two hours into check ups at the clinic they found that the lump was playing hide and seek and if I sat straight up or lay at an angle on pillows it would be small but if I lay flat then it was 5cm. They prepared me for the worst saying that the size and the shape of the lump would possibly indicate that it was indeed cancerious. A week later that was confirmed.

Since then I have had a mascectomy on the 12th of September. Surprisingly I have not had much pain - Yippee! I did however have about 4 days of sickness and even the anti-sickness tablets made me sick. A Light Rich Tea biscuit and Lucozade thinned with water did the trick after day 4 as I was feeling Ethiopian by this time. (Thank you to my lovely companions at hospital Ann and Carol who had historectomy).

Currently I'm doing okay. I have an infection which I'm popping pills for and I am seeing my doctor on Wed to find out what kind of cancer I have, wheter my lymp nodes are infected etc.

To my utter surprize the biggest problem I have had to date is trying to find somebody to help me with my two kids. My daughter is 16 months old and I have a son who is 30 months old. As we have just moved to Doncaster in the last two months (I found the lump on the day we moved in) and my family are all in South Africa, my husbands mom passed away of liver cancer in 2000. We were therefor left with 2 choices :
1) let the two little monsters look after themselves
2) just carry on as if I didn't have cancer

Luckily somebody came to our rescue (not the postman, although he's very nice indeed). Social services promised a cheque, which is in the post.

I'm now fighting to find somebody to look after my kids when I go for chemo. Hopefully I won't have a bad reaction to it, but given my love of all things injections and tables I can't but think that this might be a misjudged hope.

The house has gone to pot. My little girl has a heat rash and kept us up all night and my drip leaks and there is an awful smell. The dishes I will donate to The Science Museum because I'm sure there must be Prehistoric Food in there somewhere. I've managed to sweap and even mop yesterday but anybody with children will know that I start one side and the kids .... oh yes it's a mess!

I hope to keep a diary. I suppose rather than writing this I could have done some housework, oh well think it's time to put my feet up and have a rest. I might just attempt to springclean tomorrow, maybe not!

LuAnnH

I am not familiar with Doncaster to know where it is. I understand family living somewhere else and needing help. Do you have any religious affiliations to go to for daycare help? Are they any daycare facilities in your area? What about home daycare (I am in the US and alot of cities register home care providers)? Also, I have a friend that volunteers for hospice...although they are considered and end of life option, I think they may offer some services or direct you in the right way. Another thought, local elementary schools (at least where I live) have some names and phone numbers of women in the community that do home day care.

You probably need to wait to find out more about your cancer to know exactly what treatment you will need. Good Luck, hope this works out for you!

LuAnn

2up

if you're talking doncaster ontario then there should be a few resources available through social services if you "qualify".

contact your local devision of family and social services to see what you might be entitled to. a word of caution though.....all resources are limited in ontario so you may want to make sure you choose your assistance wisely.

i went from making 1800.00 every 2 weeks to 780.00 on unemployment, and that only lasted for 17 weeks.......i was then left to my own devices for over 3 months until my LTD kicked in........and i also burned badly on my taxes.

i agree with luann.......check with neighbours and any other personal affiliations such as church.......getting assistance with your kids will be tricky (i'm assuming you're in ontario)

good luck with everything.......i know it's not easy......i actually can't wait to get back to work and get "back on track" financially, professionally and emotionally.

supersparky

Thanks for the help LuAnnH and shel38again. I should have mentioned that I live in the UK. I am thinking of getting a passport for my mom to fly over from SA to come and help. Even though it takes +/- 6 months for the passport I think it might be worth while to have her here.

I wish I was religious, I used to be and things just didn't seem to go that way. Am I making excuses, yes probably I am.

I do however have lovely neighbours, and the thought of asking them have made it's rounds too.

I might be getting help from HOMESTART which comes out about twice a week for an hour at a time to help with the housework. It might not be much, but it's a start.

I have also since posting my thread yesterday, surfed the net and found that I could even qualify for disability grant on a short term base (applicable in the UK). It would work out at £59 per week for the duration of my chemo (I think!).

I have also found out that my local SureStart (a kiddies club) can offer assistance. It all depends from area to area and one has to ask to find out whether they have enough funds available to provide daycare.

What a difference a day makes!

It all just seems to be a drain financially (there I go again nagging!). Now I have to pay for daycare where I have been totally capable of doing it myself for so many years now. My lovely husband, who helps out a lot (bless him) works from 7 in the morning and gets home at 5. Sometimes I think that it might be easier if we just joined the thousands of people who live of the state. It seems funny that he works so hard and at the end of the day we have not much to show for it. Yes he earns a decent wage ... and then there's the morgage ... and the car payment ... and the food bill ... and ... and ... and

Half way through the month we seem to be scrapping pennies. Not that I am alone, I am just mouthing the words that I am sure a good majority of people think.

So could I pay for day care. Sadly no, that's not an option.

Except if I win the Lotto! Well then that would be a different matter.

I am sure at the last minute things will all come together, they always seem to do. My worries and fears are just very real right now and my kids above all must come first. They are only just little and they don't understand, it breaks my heart to let them go to care, but as my sister says they must one day go to school and they must learn to fly the nest.

It would be nice getting back on track. Sometimes it still just feels like it is happening to somebody else close to me. It's like they told me my nearest and dearest have cancer and I feel sad, but not for myself, for everybody else. I thought that the op. might have changed things but it is still just a distant thought. The cancer it seems don't worry me, it's what will happen when I have all these treatments that is my "bugbear".

Oh one last word, the smell seems to have gone! Thank goodness I was starting to get paranoid. Went to McDonalds the other night, chat to a girl as the queue was to the outside and asked her (as she was very forthcoming) whether she could sense a nasty smell coming from me! Oh very posh I am!

mags

Hi Supersparky, take care of yourself and your children - the housework will always be there tomorrow and the day after lol.
Welcome to the club that you didn't want to join.
Hugs
Mags

LuAnnH

Sparky,

I know that feeling of working hard and having nothing to show for it. The first 10 years of my marriage seemed that way.....my husband worked, I worked yet we never had money left over after bills, food, children necessities.....I am sure you know that drill. When you find out more about your cancer, if and when you will need treatments, you may check in where you are going to be doing your chemo they may know of other ladies in your same situation that you could share child care with. There are lots of ladies in the same boat and if your treatments are different weeks you could switch off on child care.

Keep us posted!

LuAnn