Doggie questions

susanmcm · August 2006

TO: GOD

FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why can't they put a price in the
window so people will know they can afford us?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on
your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the
jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the
stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a dog? How often do you see a cou! gar riding
around? We do love a nice ride!

Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler
Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest
and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers,
beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are,
will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you ! a list of just some of the
things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or
after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in! the kitty litter
box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel.' Neither are Mom
and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches
in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear
when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an
unacceptable way of saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house ! - not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and
immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle! of the living room
and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with
him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, Our last question . . .

Dear God: When we get to Heaven may we have my testicles back?