An Open Letter to my Pets

evilelf

Subject: An Open Letter to my Pets

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. if by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years....canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's behind. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Never drive your car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and last, but not least.....
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

PuppyFive

VERA,as i was reading this to my little guy, he wanted me to remind you,not to forget about how he scoooooots across the floor after he sh$ts. CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM? oh well, he is worth it! debbyfive

DebraLynn

OH YEAH!!!!!
I have NASCAR every morning, who said cats were sneaky because you can never hear them coming??? Mine sound like a family of 12 coming down the steps.

I have one that sits on the middle step in the middle of the step. Following me so far? He won't move, no matter what, you have to go around him....

Very funny, I almost spit out my DR. Pepper with the tails and tongues being nothing but sarcasm.

Aren't they delightful, though?

jz20022001

I laughed out loud at some of these. How true!

Catherine

luciaocampo

LOL
How I miss my pets!!! very true!!!

jz20022001

Bringing this to the top.

Catherine