Military humor

evilelf

A little military humor that I thought you might enjoy.

Always good to hear again these old Sled Driver stories.... again and again.

Note: For those that don't know, "The Sled" is the SR-71 Blackbird spy
plane from the 1960's and still the fastest airplane in the sky. In his book,
"Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember
a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater)
and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were
monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered
Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did
monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a
readout of its ground speed."90 knots" Center replied. Moments later, a
Twin Beech required the same. "120 knot s," Center answered. We weren't
the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an
F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed
readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the
ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how
ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio
transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I
realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in
unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There
was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen , I show 1,742 knots" (That's
about 2004.658 mph for those who don't know) No further inquiries were
heard on that frequency.

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL600 to 60,000ft. The incredulous controller,
with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?
The pilot (obviously a Sled Driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it;
we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 caliber revolver. He
placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,
"Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No,
what's it for?" The pilot rsponded, "I use this on navigators who get me
lost!" The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his
chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the
navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq last month the Army Blackhawk
helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call sign
"broomstick one". And they say the Army has no sense of humor!

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta
351:"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did
you make it all by yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to
let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts.
Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a
B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked, "the
dreaded seven-engine approach."

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "But Center,
we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have
you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

Anonymous

bwahahahahahahahaah

love those !

gonna send those to the 301st !

Thanks !