please pray for me

AlaskaDeb

I’m not very good at asking for help, but I could really use some extra prayer right now. I did a lumpectomy and auxiliary node dissection followed by 6 months of DD chemo and my last chemo is on Monday. Then I go in 2 weeks later for a bilateral mastectomy. After all I have been through, I am still scared. It makes me feel like a big old bawl-baby because everyone on this site seems so calm and together. I hate to admit it but I am even having a hard time praying. Some days I’m still mad at God and some days it feels like the lines to heaven are all busy and my calls aren’t getting through.

I have learned one thing through this journey…that there is not room in my heart for both fear and faith at the same time. It just seems that lately, fear has been winning. If you could please pray for me to be able to let go of some of this fear and find a stronger connection to my faith I would appreciate it,

Thanks,
Deb C.

Anonymous

First of all Deb, it is "okay" to be a "big old bawl baby". Secondly, we might all seem so calm and together but that's because you don't see us in our showers, in our beds late at night, at those moments when the tears flow and the "together" falls apart. We all have those fears and we all have those days when "calm" isn't happening and those niggling fears and uncertainties come to pay us a call.

Saying that you feel sometimes the fear is greater than the faith? That's normal too...I think we all question that at some point. But being able to say it doesn't mean that you have to let it in to visit for a spell. It can knock, but you don't have to answer the door to let it in.

I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts, lots of spirit and energy and (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to help you over this difficult hurdle. I'm glad you asked for our help so that we can all join together to help lift you and carry you when you haven't the strength. I'll say extra prayers for you, as many and as often as you need. And then some.

csp

Deb,
I am so sorry you are feeling so scared .
I will pray for you Deb, for peace and release
from the fear.

Hugs,
Carrie

PuppyFive

DEB, i think we all go in this direction some time in our lives. please do not be so hard on your self. you have a lot of sisters praying for you, and i am one of them. debbyfive

newvickie

Deb...trust me we are not all strong and tough...I myself have been just as big a bawl baby as you. It isn't fun and it's hard to keep your faith when your hurting, sick, etc.

I will send many heartfelt prayers your way, I know that many have prayed for me and I truly feel in my heart that God hears our prayers.

Hugs
Vickie

TheShopMama

Dear Deb,
How often I have felt my own prayers didn't pass the ceiling! We all know those feelings of fear and desperation, You just have to remember that God is still in control of the universe. He loves you so much and hurts with you. I will pray for you Deb, for strength, and faith and mercy. My mom told me the way to increase my faith was to pray and read my Bible. She was right. My favorite story thru this all has been of Joseph. He went thru so much, and then had the opportunity to repay his brothers with evil. Instead, he chose forgiveness and his words to them were something like "What you meant for evil, God used for good." He will use this trial and you will be stronger, even though it doesn't seem like it now. Remember, when you can't see God's hands..... trust His heart. Love and prayers and hugs..... and tears go out to you. Pam

AlaskaDeb

I wanted to thank all of you for the encouragement and prayers. I’m feeling better today and things don’t look so grim...see, the power of prayer

I am especially thankful that you were all so willing to share that you all had “bad” moments too. It helps so much to know that others feel the same way I do.

I have a busy weekend ahead, so I won’t have too much time for dwelling and ruminating on things, which is GOOD! Too much time on my hands is a bad thing right now.

Thanks again. I will be keeping you all in my prayers too.

Deb C.

cowgirl

Deb,
I wish you could see all the nashing of teeth many threads had on this board. There has been so much bawling like a baby you would not think it so. When they added all these threads they took so many good threads away that showed so many in turmoil of faith, hope and love.

We are human, we are in this world but not of this world. We are called to a higher purpose which makes it more difficult at times. Please know you are not alone in your struggle, it is very normal. I promise!

You will get through this rough patch, it is (I know you hate this phrase.. but it is true)character building and when you are finished you can help others in the same struggle.

My aunt used to tell me that her struggles were "opportunitities to learn how to minister", because it is so much easier to connect to someone that has lived your pain. She was a survivor of three types of cancer, including BC twice.

I am praying for you it is a priviledge!

DebraLynn

Bad MOMENTS??? Sometimes I think I"ve had a bad YEAR!!!!!!Cry away, Deb, seriously, sometimes that is all that makes us feel better.
I still cry when I hear the song 'Calling all angels'.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Gentle hugs,

beachcottage

Deb I
will add your name
to the prayer chain

WE are here
for you

gentle hugs
xoxo
Patti

beachcottage

hugs
and prayers for you today Deb

xoxo
Patti

cowgirl

Still praying Deb, and I think many need to read this thread for understanding of the ups and downs of BC.

beachcottage

((((Deb))))

more prayers
and candles

xoxo
Patti

csp

Hugs for you Deb and keeping you in my prayers



Carrie

beachcottage

xoxo
Patti

Boop

Deb, you are in my prayers...Sending hugs..



Hugs and God Bless,
Cherie

sccruiser

been there, done that! it's okay. cyber hugs to you and prayers from me. it's scary and tough to face but you are stronger than you know.
grace

beachcottage

xoxo
Patti

csp

Thinking of you Deb and keeping you in my prayers~

csp

prayers going up for you Deb

beachcottage

nowheregirl

csp

Thinking of you Deb and keeping you in my Prayers

Carrie

cowgirl

Still praying for you Deb!

AlaskaDeb

You ladies are the best! I have been trying to stay busy so I don't sit and think to much about the upcoming surgery. I go to Anchorage next Tuesday night for a Wednesday morning surgery. I wish it were today so I didn’t have more time to ruminate about it. Please continue to pray for peace and faith for me and for skill and success for my medical team. A week from right now I will be all done with the waiting. The surgery will be over and the healing can begin.

Thank you all. You have all been in my prayers.

Deb C.

PuppyFive

PRAYERS on the way, thinking about you and praying for you. debbyfive

VickiTN

Sending prayers up for you and for all of those who will be a part of your surgery team.

hugs,
vicki

roseg

Prayers for you while you wait. May God calm your waters and help you be steady during this trying time.

csp

Praying for you Deb that this time passes quick for you,
and God holds your hand as you wait.
I will be praying for your Medical team and you next wednesday.

Hugs,
Carrie

PuppyFive

I am praying for your surgery to go well, and that you get well soon. debbyfive

csp

Deb,
thinking of you and hope you are soo busy, sending you
prayers for Peace as you wait for wednesday~



hugs,
Carrie