My mother has Stage IV

cinderellafifi

Hello ~ I have found this site while researching breast cancer and feeling the need for some support. You are all an amazing group! I hope you won't mind me sharing.

My mother, 69, found a huge lump in her breast late February. She had a biopsy and mastectomy by late March. By late April, we were informed she had mets to the lung, sternum, low back, liver, and hip. We were stunned! Selfishly, I feel this is so unfair because she is also legally blind. She began to lose her sight 7 years ago and now sees only light and dark, and now this... but it is unfair for anyone to have this horrible thing attacking them, isn't it?

Mom began her Xeloda in May, but only finished one round when she developed pneumonia. It was such an awful time - I thought she would die. That is really when my depression became deep and my sadness all consuming.

Recently she pointed out another lump in the same breast that was removed. Sure enough, by the time we went to the oncologist yesterday it was huge - almost growing out of the skin and, indeed, it is another cancer. She will now undergo radiation.

The worst part of all of this has to be watching the pain she is in and how she is deteriorating from her once seemingly independent self. She lives with me and I do my best to care for her, but I feel so much guilt, I feel so useless, so sad, so fearful. She has nurses, aides, and physical therapists coming to the house. This is a blessing because I must work - I have two young children to care for as well on my single income.

The stress is overwhelming and I am beginning to grow concerned about my own health because I cannot sleep, I have gained so much weight, and my stomach is forever in knots. I just don't want to lose her! It's so scary.

Any advice would be so welcomed. But, for now, thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

csp

cinderellafifi,

(((Hugs))) You have found the place to share, vent, and lean . We so understand the fears ,guilt feelings of wish I could do more, and the total to the bone fatigue.

It is so hard to see the cancer take away so much, I HATE CANCER !

When my sister was Dx'd I was doing okay for awhile, and then I started suffering from the same things you talk about,
I think it is from being in a prolong time of stress. And
it is okay , and a normal response to the feelings we are having . I went on an anti- depresant and it helped me so much, you need you rest, we as caregivers and family members often put our own needs on the back burner and are so focused on what our loved one needs don't think too much about what our bodies are telling us, until it is too big to ignore.

So try as hard as it is , to take time to take care of you
tell you GP your symptoms ask for some help , come here and talk it all out as much and as often as you need too
we are here for you always . This is big stuff and you have alot on your plate!

(((MOM))))

hugs,
Carrie

cinderellafifi

Dear Carrie:

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! It is nice to know that I am not alone and I appreciate you letting me know that you have had the same reaction to this horrible stress. I made an appointment today to meet with my GYN to get an early exam and I will bring up anti-depressants for sure.

I cannot tell you how nice it is to have someone like you to "talk" to about all of this. BIG HUGS back to you!

"Fifi"

didda566

I am in the same boat.
When Mom was diagnosed, I thought, fine, take her breast and leave my Mom. But the cancer had already spread to her lungs and bones.
No matter what the cancer diagnosis is, it sucks. Ignore the statistics, because by following them, you are setting limits.
Stay here, ask questions, vent, do what you need. Be there for her, and keep her spirits up.
Stay strong.

suzie14

"Fifi",
I am so sorry your Mom is having to go through all of this. She is truly fortunate to have you by her side going through this journey.

I am relieved to read that you plan to talk to your GYN about getting an antidepressant. It may also help to connect with a counselor to talk things out, in addition to coming here and pouring your heart out.

We are here to help as much as we can 24/7.

My prayers are with your Mom and you. Also sending cyber hugs.

suzie

cinderellafifi

Thanks so much 566didda and suzie!! You cannot imagine how great it is to read your words! Thank you for the hugs - hugging you back!!!

Fifi

kaunderw

I'm not a regular poster but received so much support when my Mom (68 years young) was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer 1 year ago. I live 2 hours away by plane and it floored me when she told me the news. I cried for a whole weekend. Then I got mad at this horrible disease. Then I tried to help in any way I could. I call or email them every day. I visit whenever I can and cook up a storm. Mostly, I just try to listen and keep her spirits up. The treatments have been rough on her but they've been effective and she's a real trooper.

I understand the stress aspect you're going through. I have a husband, a school-age son and full time job. Pharmaceuticals are wonderful things and I highly recommend them! I still worry but it's not an all consuming worry that paralyzes me.

Take care, be gentle on yourself, and try to give your Mom what she needs (an understanding ear; a funny story; a hot cup of tea...) I will pray for you and your family.

Kathy

Sweetxrn

Cinderellafifi,

I believe everything happens for a reason. If we do the best we can in the situations presented to us, there should be no feelings of guilt. Please don't blame yourself. We are only human. Things happen to people - no matter how much we want things to be different. Most often, we do not possess the power to change it.

Be angry at the cancer. It's ok. It's an evil thing. Write a letter telling it how angry it makes you. (Sounds silly, I know, but it helps to get it out.)

So, Love your mom. Cry with your mom...because it's okay. Cherish the time you do have with her. Don't let there be room for the "what ifs."

Tracey