The Southern Grandmother

JerseyGal

Subject: SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER ON THE WITNESS STAND
>
> Lawyers should never ask a southern grandma a question if they aren't
> prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting
> attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the
> stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
>
> She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
> since
> you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
> You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about
> them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
> brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
> paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
>
> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
> room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
>
> She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
> youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
> can't
> build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the
> worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with >
> three
> different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense
> attorney almost died.
>
> The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet
> voice, said, "If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send
> you to the electric chair."