Old age

didda566

Old Age

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the caretaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
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A reporter was interviewing a 104-year old woman.
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter
asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is that you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostrate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded and
subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia; have poor circulation;
can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. have lost all my friends, but thank GOD
I still have my Driver's License!
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I felt like my body was totally out of shape so I got my Doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an
hour, but by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I will be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week!"
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My memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory is not as
sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till all the wrinkles fill out.
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I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body
are just prone to swinging.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
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Remember, you don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old
because you stop laughing.
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THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the
good fortune to run into the one's that I do, and the eyesight to tell
the difference.


May we all live long enough to experience these!!!