Showing support for Mom

Daz

I've got pink bracelets that I passed out to all my friends and family, bought 2 pink ribbons to put on my van... got everybody praying... but is it enough??????

I can't imagine the pain and fear she is going thru right now. It's bad for me, but I can't imagine how it is for her. We found out 2 weeks ago she has breast cancer... invasive malignant carcinoma... and in a week she is have a mastectomy on her right breast.

Why so soon???? I mean GEEZ, we JUST found out she has breast cancer! Why are they moving so FAST?! After the mastectomy starts chemo... then she'll lose all her hair...

I love my Mom, I want to show her support, but I have NO IDEA HOW TO DO IT. I live about 200 miles away from her... I call her on an everyday basis.... she has my kids in her care... but what do you say? How do you act?

cowgirl

You just be yourself Tera. She is the same as before only on a journey she did not expect. Prayer I think truly helps you heal faster.

Send her a card a week, listen to her. She will be in agony right after surgery but she will get better. Just know that if a doctor schedules it this soon she needs it. It is harder on the family that her.

She is focused on surviving not on your needs right now. So prayer, support and love. That is all you can do Tera, I will put her on my prayer list.

laryy48

Good Afternnon.
First of all, take a deep breath. You will be a great assest to your mom. It is a lot to take in all at once. Believe me, I know. The first thing to do is to tell your mom, "I love you". I took care of my wife whem she had her mastectomy and again when she was d/x with bone mets. I will contact you very soon with my advice. I need a little time to compose my thoughts. My wife, Kathy and I had this one thought that got us through all of her treatments, "Do what you can do, and then let the rest go". Right now just be there for your mom. Be a shoulder for her to lean on. All of you will get through this. I will talk to you soon. My prayers are with your mom and your family.

laryy48

lizqueen

I hate seeing people in the same place I was in January, when my mom was dx. At the time I was almost 9 months pregnant and living in different countries, I felt useless, impotent and desperate. That was 6 months ago.
Now mom is bald... SERIOUSLY (I would not joke with this) she looks fan-tas-tic with her new make-up (wig) and although hairloss was sad, it was NOT as bad as we thought it´d be.
Daz, I will say 2 things: 1) breastcancer.org is THE place. Here you will find encouragement, counseling, example and consolation. You will always always always find someone willing to help and words of relief.
2) I was told this MANY times. I had to experience it to believe: IT DOES GET BETTER! The time between mom´s diagnose and her first chemo was long and painful. She was TERRIFIED of treatment. Now, after a mastectomy (she was dx one friday 13 and had a mast on thursday) and 3 rounds of chemo, I can tell you my mom is still my mom. That´s all I care for.
IT´s not summer in Europe, it is BC. We have good days, we have bad days. BC SUUUUUUCKS, but it has brought my family closer and my mom realize how many people love and care about her.
Whatever you do for her will help. She needs you, and you need her. I personally was not very patient with mine and ended up yelling at mom a couple times, I love her so much that I felt somehow betrayed, don´t ask me why. Now we have the best relationship ever. We are looking forward together to the end of the treatment.
Your mom will be fine, she has you. I know, sounds empty now but, trust me, it is not.
Stay in touch. HUGS**
LQ

Anonymous

I remember the true agony I went through trying to tell my grown son I had BC. He is in the military stationed 600 miles away and because we have quite a history of cancer and cancer deaths in our family I was scared to tell him on the phone. I had my surgery 60 days before he came home for the holidays and had fallen 2x and gotten hurt. I cried profusely for weeks not wanting to tell him. I took pain pills for the falls and pulled everything off well for 2 days. Finally on the 3rd day knowing he would be leaving in the morning I "had" to tell him as I did not want him making that long drive upset.

Everthing I had felt from the time of the first mammo right on did not hurt me as bad as telling my son because I knew I could not bear to see the hurt in his eyes or to see a tear because of me.

I guess my point in telling you about this is just this, no matter "what" happens to us, we are first and foremost a mother and would rather suffer 10 deaths rathr than see our children hurt.

Your mom has gone through the most difficult part of this journey already, just by telling you she has cancer.

As to what you can do for her, it is simple, let her know it is ok to laugh together, it is ok to cry together, and let her know it is ok for her to tell you she is scared. She is.

Best of luck to your family.

gentle hugsssssssssssss

imes102

I feel the same way as Daz. In March, my mother was FINE. Today, she has had a double mastectomy with the beginning of reconstruction. Literally overnight our lives have changed so dramatically. Mom has another surgery next week and then begins chemo. We are doing everything we can for her, but I have just realized that I need some support too! Sometimes I feel that I can't do it all----work, take care of home, take care of her, drive her to the doctor,etc. It just seems too much. I have a sister who helps as much as she can, but I am the one in town and the one without a newborn child!
What is your advice about how I can juggle all that is going on without letting my Mom know that I am under a lot of pressure. I would never want her to know how stressful this is to me. I am afraid that she won't let me do what she needs me to if she feels she is a burden. She's not a burden in anyway, I would do anything for her. It's just hard to be the caregiver.

kath2440

my mum has just had a mastectomy 2 weeks after being diagnosed with bc, it has also spread to her lymph nodes.although i am a paramedic i am still quite unwise to all of this and feel completely helpless. mum has various other ailments including iddm and chirrosis of the liver. i am at a loss for what to say or do.to top it all she is really cheerful and the rest of the family feel lost.