Groaners

Anonymous

Some "groaners" to start the day...

1) Two blondes walked into a building.....you'd think at
least one
of them would have seen it.

2) Phone answering machine message.."If you want to buy
marijuana,
press the hash key."

3) A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm
for
shorts. The shrink says " Well, I can clearly see you're nuts"

4) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

5) My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant
pulled
him in.

6) A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"/ The doctor replied,
"I
know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

7) A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is
cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?".

"Well", said the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his
teeth.

"Finally he says, " I'm going to have to put him down".

"What, because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy"



8) Apparently, 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are 5 people
in my
family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum, or my Dad, or
my
older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. I think it's
Colin.

9) Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your
round".
The other one says " So are you, you fat bas.d".

10) You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said 'Parking Fine'.
That was
really nice of them.

11) A man walked into the doctors and said "I've hurt my arm in
several places". The doctor said, "Well, don't go there any more"

12) Irelands' worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. The Irish
search and
rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that
number to
climb as the digging continues into the night.